Love: the Heart of True Connection
As Love Month is here, I've been thinking about what people are looking for when it comes to love. It's such a vast and deeply personal subject, isn't it? Time and time again I see the same longing - the desire to understand true love. What does it really mean? How do we recognise it? It's something most of us struggle with at some point in our lives. In fact, I delved deep into it last year, exploring what true love looks like beyond the surface. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it. HERE
We long for this true connection. Yet the journey towards recognising or discovering it can feel like wandering through a maze of emotions and memories. Our deepest understanding of what it means to be loved is imprinted in the earliest moments of our lives. As children, we absorb the love around us - especially within our families.
Have we ever truly felt the pure, unconditional embrace of our parents? Were we given the comforting assurance that we were loved simply for being who we are, or did we sense that love had to be earned through perfect behavior and constant achievement? Some of us were wrapped in a warm blanket of freely given love, while others had to fight for every shred of affection. These early experiences become the blueprint for our adult lives, shaping not only how we expect to be loved but also how we dare to love ourselves and others. You see, we don’t enter marriage with a blank slate of love to build upon; we’re already shaped by our early experiences. Add to that the influence of other romantic relationships, and it’s no wonder the journey of love can feel so complex.
As a result, we often enter relationships with brokenness, hoping that this person will finally fullfill every longing we’ve carried in our hearts for so long. We believe that they will be the answer to all our unmet needs, the source of our ultimate satisfaction. However, as we discussed in last year’s post (which I encourage you to read for more insight), entering a relationship with such deep, unfulfilled desires sets us up for disappointment. No human can fully satisfy us in the way only God can. Our ultimate source of love is God, He is love.
I am well aware of this trap, one I found myself walking right into after getting married. I had this expectation, this belief that the love I had longed for—this deep, soul-sustaining love—was something my husband should give me. It was as though I had shifted the weight of all my unmet needs onto him, unknowingly placing a burden on his shoulders that he could never fully carry. And let me tell you, it became such a frustrating journey for both of us.
But then, in the midst of my struggle, I was met with the true source of love—the one who had always been there, waiting for me to truly see. I had known Him, but I needed Him to reveal to me, to remind me, that He is love. And from Him, all love flows. This realization changed everything. It shifted the lens through which I saw myself, my marriage, and all my relationships.
This year, I decided to dive into another question I came across while exploring what people are asking about: How can I improve my relationship? It’s a question that speaks to the heart of what we all desire – better connections with those we love, whether it’s our spouse, family, or friends. This piece is also tailored for singles, and offers valuable insights into how to prepare and, in some cases, how to handle other types of relationships.
We long for relationships that not only survive but thrive. But how do we get there? How can we take our relationships to the next level, move past hurt, and invest in the kind of love that reflects God’s heart for us?
For many of us, relationships are a source of joy, but they also bring some of our greatest challenges. They have a unique way of teaching us about ourselves and others in ways nothing else can. If you’ve been married, even for a short time, you’ll know exactly what I mean. My husband often says—half-jokingly, half-seriously—that before we got married, he thought he was a pretty great guy with only a few flaws. But marriage, he says, was like looking into a mirror and seeing a reflection he had never noticed before.
That’s what marriage does—it reveals what lies beneath the surface. With friends, we can often keep certain things hidden, but with our spouse, the closeness and vulnerability tend to bring out sides of us we didn’t even know were there. It’s humbling, sometimes uncomfortable, but undeniably transformational. Marriage acts as a mirror, reflecting not only who we are but also who we have the potential to become.
But more on that later.
So, when we approach these newfound revelations with humility and a genuine desire for growth, that’s when transformation begins. It’s easy to fight against these uncomfortable truths or make excuses for our flaws, but real change only happens when we choose to face them head-on, and what an opportunity marriage is. So if you are navigating these truths, welcome - you're not alone. We're all in this together, fighting for connection. Building and maintaining relationships is an active pursuit that requires resilience and intentionality. It's not something that just happens; it's a journey we must choose to invest in, day by day. Sounds exhausting, right? Believe me, I get it. But here's the good news: you don't have to do it on your own. With God at the center, everything changes. He’s the one who gives you the strength, the grace, and the love you need to keep going. Don’t look for it anywhere else.
So, How can I improve my relationship starts with you and me first.
It’s human nature to seek validation and satisfaction from others. But God reminds us that no person can fulfill us in the way that He can. So how do we navigate this balancing act? How do we work on improving our relationships in a way that aligns with His will for us?
I know I am repeating myself, but before you read on, you should check out our blog from last year here to dive deeper into the extra information.
1. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Let’s start with the basics: communication. In any relationship, open and honest communication is the cornerstone of understanding and connection. We’ve all heard it a trillion times, but let’s be honest—turning that theory into practice is not easy. How often do we find ourselves assuming what the other person thinks or feels without ever taking the time to ask? Misunderstandings and confusion can easily arise when we aren’t transparent. And that doesn’t just go for our romantic relationships but also for family and friendships. Here some ideas to communicate more effectively in your relationships.
And don’t forget—communication should be a phone-free zone. It’s so easy to get distracted by notifications, scrolling, or multitasking, but when we’re present with each other, we create space for deeper connection.
Use “I” Statements – Express your feelings and needs without blaming. Say, “I feel…” instead of “You always…”
Be Empathetic – Try to see things from your partner's perspective and respond with understanding.
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues – Your body language and tone often speak louder than words.
Ask Questions – Clarify instead of assuming. It shows you care and want to understand.
Establish Boundaries – Clearly communicate your limits to create mutual respect.
Listen Actively – Give your full attention and reflect back what you hear.
Avoid Criticism – Focus on solutions rather than pointing out faults.
God calls us to be slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). When we follow this advice, we create a foundation for genuine, heartfelt conversations that can lead to healing, understanding, and growth. By the way, this is such a foundational principle in parenting—especially when raising those pre-teens and teenagers.
2. Keeping the Spark Alive
Intentionally making space for each other is key to a thriving relationship. It’s easy to take each other for granted in the busyness of life, but treating your partner as your best friend requires effort. We often say our spouse is our closest companion, but do our actions reflect that? Do we truly value their words and opinions as much as we do with our friends? It’s easy to slip into an unhealthy rhythm of valuing others' opinions more than those of our closest. Being intentional in how we show love and attention makes all the difference.
Let’s be vulnerable for a moment—ask your spouse if they feel valued. It can feel uncomfortable, even risky, but it opens the door for deeper connection.
I was talking to a woman the other day about the balance between being introverted and extroverted, and how that dynamic can create tension in a marriage when one partner is always eager to be out and about while the other just wants to stay home. Her heartfelt statement really stuck with me: “I should value my husband’s opinion more than my girlfriends if I can't be at the party.” It was such a profound moment. It made me pause and reflect—sometimes, we get caught up in the idea of what we want to do, but in the end, it’s about prioritizing the relationship. Coming back to the basics, asking myself: Am I walking the talk? Am I choosing what’s best for the unity and health of our marriage, even in the little things? It's easy to overlook these moments, but they matter.
Here are some ways to keep the spark alive:
Prioritize regular date nights to nurture your relationship.
Enjoy simple moments together, like cozy couch time.
Engage in fun activities you both love to strengthen your bond.
Make quality time a priority, not just a casual addition to your routine.
Prioritize physical affection, like holding hands or hugging, to reinforce emotional closeness.
3. Be Willing to Forgive and Seek Forgiveness
Forgiveness is an essential part of any relationship. Hurts will happen. People will disappoint us, you've probably already experienced this. We will disappoint others. We have to ask ourselves, how do we react when we are hurt?
Do we hold on to the bitterness and let it build up in our hearts? Or do we choose to forgive, as God has forgiven us?
Forgiveness isn't easy. It's an act of humility, an offering of love that often goes against our instincts. But the more we practice it, the more it becomes a natural flow. Holding on to unforgiveness, on the other hand, only poisons our hearts, creating walls that keep us from true connection. It grows and makes it impossible to build a healthy relationship. Forgiveness is freedom - freedom not just for the one who has wronged us, but for ourselves, allowing us to release the burden and move forward in love and healing.
Even the smallest acts, those that seem so minor that we tend to push them aside, can have significant impacts. They grow in ways we might not immediately see. Unforgiveness in a household is one of those subtle yet powerful forces. It’s like an invisible cancer, slowly spreading and taking root. It doesn’t just affect the couple; it ripples through the entire family, especially the children. It steals joy, erodes trust, and damages the love you’ve been working so hard to build.When we let go of bitterness, we open ourselves to the possibility of reconciliation and restoration.
So, let the habit of forgiveness take root in your marriage and relationships. Ask the Holy Spirit if there is anything you are still holding against your spouse. Let Him reveal it, and then take the necessary steps for the health of your family. Honestly, we all have them. We need to be in the habit of asking Him to search our hearts.
4. Practice Patience and Grace
Patience is one of the hardest virtues to cultivate, especially in the heat of the moment when we feel frustrated or misunderstood. But relationships thrive on patience. We need to allow each other the space to grow, to make mistakes, and to learn.
God’s love for us is patient. He doesn’t rush us or expect perfection. He knows that growth takes time. And we need to extend that same patience to the people we love. When we’re tempted to rush or pressure someone, we need to pause and remember that true growth takes time.
Patience also means giving each other the benefit of the doubt and choosing grace instead of judgment. We all have our weaknesses, and in moments of frustration, it’s easy to focus on the negative. But when we choose grace, we lift each other up and encourage growth rather than hindering it.
5. Create Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in every relationship. They protect us and the people we love. It’s important to know where our limits lie and to communicate those limits clearly and respectfully. Without boundaries, we risk being overwhelmed or losing ourselves in the relationship.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean we are being selfish or shutting people out. On the contrary, healthy boundaries ensure that both individuals can thrive within the relationship. They help prevent resentment from building up and allow for respect to flourish.
God has set boundaries for us in His Word, and He’s given us the ability to do the same in our relationships. Boundaries are a form of self-care and self-respect. They protect our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, enabling us to love others in a healthy and sustainable way.
There's so much more to add, but I've learned that we absorb best when we take things in bite-sized chunks - too much at once can leave us overwhelmed and paralysed.
So as you begin to implement one piece of advice and then another, remember to be patient and kind with yourself and your spouse. If you've been away from the connection for a while, don't expect it to come back all at once. Give it time and trust God to guide you through the process, keeping Him at the centre of your relationship.
If this Valentine’s Day finds you feeling that your relationship isn’t where you’d hoped it would be and frustration has set in, don’t beat yourself up. We’re in this for the long haul. Don't allow disappointment to hold you back. Instead, reach out for hope again and ask God for a word for your marriage.
Here a couple of more posts about love: