First things first - Single Parents

A strong and affectionate relationship between parents is crucial for the emotional well-being of their children. When mom and dad are united in a loving marriage, it creates a stable and secure environment for their kids.

How about you as a single parent? What does that mean to you?

I understand that these realities can be like a painful jab to the gut. You're doing your best, yet you're hearing these messages about the importance of children growing up in a stable home with both mom and dad.

Balancing the acknowledgment of this truth without diminishing your own situation is important to me. I'm committed to helping you courageously navigate your unique journey.

I see you, and it's my heartfelt desire to offer encouragement and support on your journey.

What are good habits to start?

I firmly believe in the power of cultivating good habits, especially when starting early in our journey. Throughout our own path, we've been fortunate to have friends who served as exceptional family life role models and mentors with whom we could openly discuss various questions, even before we had children. These experiences have proven to be invaluable in helping us be more intentional. For those of you who are expecting a baby, I highly recommend seeking out a trusted family and enrolling in a parenting class to initiate conversations about a range of parenting topics. This proactive approach can make a world of difference in your journey. If you find yourselves beginning this journey later in life, don't despair. There is always room for positive change and adjustments within your family life.

I prefer to focus on what we can achieve rather than dwelling on what might be lacking within our family. Therefore, let's explore constructive habits that we can implement starting today.

• Prioritizing your relationship with God

Prioritizing your relationship with God and adopting the daily habit of reading the Bible, engaging in heartfelt conversations with our Heavenly Father, and actively tuning in to Holy Spirit, is not just a beautiful practice; it’s a transformative and enriching experience for you and your entire family. This approach serves as a wellspring of wisdom, strength, and unity, significantly influencing your family dynamics and offering enduring benefits for generations to come. When your children witness their mom or dad relying on God, it contributes to their sense of security and aids in the cultivation of their own relationship with their Creator, instilling the understanding that they don't need to have everything figured out. Even as adults, they can continue to rely on our Heavenly Father. What a tremendous weight lifted from their shoulders, and ours as well. These intimate daily connections with God indeed influence every aspect of our family life. During these moments, we are enriched with everything we need, receiving wisdom and profound insights into the challenging questions of parenting and life in general.

• Shift your focus away from being child-centered

Balanced parenting encourages a nurturing environment where children can thrive. Instead of placing children in adult roles, it's about fostering an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding.

In balanced parenting, children are given the freedom to enjoy a carefree childhood while learning essential life skills. Parents provide guidance allowing children to grow emotionally and develop their own identities.

The child-centered parenting approach can unintentionally place a heavy burden on the child, transforming them into an emotional "stand-in partner," a peer, and at times, even a colleague to the single parent. It's essential to remember that children desire to belong in the family rather than being the sole focus.

In child-centered parenting, children can develop a distorted sense of self-importance. They may grow up believing they can do anything without considering the needs and boundaries of others.

This parenting style can foster a habit in children where they expect to always receive without giving back as a family member. They might not understand the importance of contributing to the family's well-being.

Children raised in this environment might perceive themselves as having the same level of authority as their mom or dad. This can lead to a lack of respect for parental guidance and discipline.

To encourage balanced parenting, think about joining forces with a supportive, like-minded family. It's a wonderful opportunity for you and your child to experience the warmth of a home with both mom and dad. I understand the weight of trying to fill both roles, but it's an impossible task and an unnecessary burden. Being embraced by similar families provides your child with the chance to witness a well-functioning and harmonious marriage. It also offers you a support system where you can find encouragement, share experiences, and work through parenting challenges while setting family goals together.

Let's take a moment to reflect.

If you don't immediately think of a family that fits this description, take a moment to pray. Ask Holy Spirit for guidance. Jot down their names and continue praying for them until you feel a sense of guidance. It's possible that this family may initiate contact first, making the process even more natural.

• Couch time

Couch time supports a balanced family setting and shifts your focus from being child-centered.

Dedicate 10-15 minutes of your day, with your child present but engaged in their own play. During this time, engage in an activity you enjoy, whether it's crafting, reading, making a phone call to a trusted family member, connecting with God, journaling, or anything that brings you fulfillment. This practice helps your child understand that your entire day doesn't revolve around them, relieving them of the burden of being solely responsible for your satisfaction.

We've embraced this valuable tool from Growing Families Life. Daily practices like this are like consistent drops that fill a large container, preventing us from succumbing to child-centeredness and keeping our lives enriched with things that matter to us.

Could you use a few minutes for yourself? Couch time provides the perfect opportunity.

How can you get started? Write it down in your journal and commit to making it a part of your routine.

• Dates

Consider planning weekly get-togethers with a friend or friends. Adapt this idea to suit your specific situation.

During our years in Switzerland, where weekly outings weren't the norm, we had to be creative. Our solution was to have four at-home dates and one restaurant date each month. The key is to recognize that there's always a way, even if it looks different from our experiences or others’.

When you're distant from family and don't have access to a babysitter, in-home date nights become an excellent choice. You can invite a friend over once your child is asleep or even have a virtual get-together. Alternatively, consider exploring a new hobby to keep your evening engaging and fulfilling.

Remember, the important thing is to make the most of your current life season and do what you can to nurture your well-being.

• God as your Source

Balancing both motherhood and fatherhood may not have been part of your original plan, and it shouldn't become an overwhelming burden for you. Embrace the beauty of being a complete mom or dad. You don't need to take on an additional role; the one you have is already quite demanding. Instead, consider the missing part – step back and allow God to fill that role. God, the perfect Father, is THE life-giving presence for your child. Embracing this reality early on can help your child find their identity in Jesus, which is truly fulfilling.

What an incredible gift to offer your child: a rock-solid foundation built on the assurance that God will provide and make a way. He is trustworthy, and yet, so often, we inadvertently leave Him out of this parenting journey. It's crucial to remember that they are first and foremost His children, and we are blessed with the gift of their presence for a limited time.

Let's invite Him to fill the gaps in our lives, not just within our families, and be prepared to witness the remarkable miracles He will unfold. The statistics of single-parent households don't have to define your story. Release your fears about the future, surrender to God, and watch as He transforms what may seem like a challenging situation into something truly beautiful. He has an indescribably bright future and hope in store for you.

Consider this as an invitation to place your complete trust in Him. It's a moment to pause and reflect on His unwavering goodness. Start a journal to document His goodness, express gratitude for the things you cherish, and make it a daily habit. Even on less eventful days, focusing on His goodness and maintaining an attitude of gratitude can be a transformative key.

Pick one way to move forward in your family today, which is it going to be? Ask Holy Spirit and take it step by step from there!

You can do it!