First things first

A strong and affectionate relationship between parents is crucial for the emotional well-being of their children. When mom and dad are united in a loving marriage, it creates a stable and secure environment for their kids.

Research consistently demonstrates the positive impact of family structure on children's overall health and well-being. Children who live with their parents tend to experience better physical, emotional, and academic health. While we often encounter these research findings, we don't have to look far to see real-life evidence of this truth. Our own experiences and those of families we know reflect the significance of a healthy, loving relationship between parents in providing a nurturing and secure environment for children to thrive.

I want to acknowledge that not everyone is in a healthy relationship, and some of you may be single parents. I want you to know that it's a matter of personal importance for me to address your specific needs. Therefore, I'll be dedicating an entire blog post solely to you. Please keep an eye out for this post, as I am committed to providing guidance and support tailored to your situation. I see you, and it's my heartfelt desire to offer encouragement and support on your journey.

What are good habits to start early in a relationship?

I firmly believe in the power of cultivating good habits, especially when starting early in our journey. Throughout our own path, we've been fortunate to have friends who served as exceptional family life role models and mentors with whom we could openly discuss various questions, even before we had children. These experiences have proven to be invaluable in helping us be more intentional in our relationship.

For those of you who are expecting a baby, I highly recommend either seeking out a trusted family or enrolling in a parenting class to initiate conversations about a range of parenting topics. This proactive approach can make a world of difference.

If you find yourselves beginning this journey later in life, don't despair. There is always room for positive change and adjustments within your family life. It's never too late to prioritize the well-being of your marriage.

I prefer to focus on what we can achieve rather than dwelling on what might be lacking within our family. Therefore, let's explore constructive habits that we can implement starting today.

• Prioritizing your relationship with God

Prioritizing your relationship with God and adopting the daily habit of reading the Bible, engaging in heartfelt conversations with our Heavenly Father, actively tuning in to the Holy Spirit, and nurturing both individual and shared connections as a couple is not just a beautiful practice; it’s a transformative and enriching experience for you, your spouse, and your entire family. This approach serves as a wellspring of wisdom, strength, and unity, significantly influencing your family dynamics and offering enduring benefits for generations to come. When your children witness their parents relying on God, it contributes to their sense of security and aids in the cultivation of their own relationship with their Creator, instilling the understanding that they don't need to have everything figured out. Even as adults, they can continue to rely on our Heavenly Father. What a tremendous weight lifted from their shoulders, and ours as well. These intimate daily connections with God indeed influence every aspect of our family life. During these moments, we are enriched with everything we need, receiving wisdom and profound insights into the challenging questions of parenting and life in general.

• Prioritizing your marriage over your children (*)

I understand this perspective may be considered controversial, countercultural, or even seemingly impossible, but I encourage you to stay with me.

Take a moment to pause and reflect on the emotions that may have surfaced just from reading the initial point. Allow Holy Spirit to reveal any underlying lies or hurts. Be open to receiving His healing and fresh insights for your relationship. This process may take a bit longer, so as you journal with Holy Spirit, invest the time and lean into His guidance.

If you're already on board and eager to continue reading, please pause for a moment. Often, theory and everyday life don't align as smoothly as we'd hope. We might believe that putting our spouse first is a definite reality in our family, but let me challenge you for a minute.

Consider prioritizing your spouse as a test. If you reflect on your typical day, how closely does it align with this principle in practice?

This self-reflection might be a bit painful, but don't be discouraged; we all wrestle with it.

Prioritizing your spouse is not a one-time habit but an ongoing commitment that requires constant effort. The way we fight for connection and allocate time varies across different phases of our family journey, whether we have babies, toddlers, or older children.

Some ways to prioritize your spouse include:

• Couch time

This is a tool we've learned early on from Growing Families life, and it has helped us keep our marriage a daily priority. I love daily hacks like these because they are constant drops that fall into a large container and prevent us from disconnecting and growing apart.

The idea of couch time is Mom and Dad having a set time each day where they can catch up and enjoy each other's company for 10-15 minutes when Dad, Mom, or both return home from work. The key to success is your children routinely seeing the two of you sitting, talking, and enjoying each other.

I often encourage parents after I see the overwhelmed faces and the silent question that resounds in their heads: "How on earth should I implement 10-15 minutes into our already tight schedule?"

Rest assured, I have heard most questions about it, and from experience, this is the number one tool that is difficult.

So I'd rather you start with two times a week than toss it away altogether. Do what you can and build upon it.

How can you start? Write it in your journal and commit to following through. It's a beautiful, tangible way for your children to see in action the love you have for one another. A side note: it will absolutely influence your marriage positively!

• Dates

Plan weekly dates and once again, ask yourself how this can work for your situation.

Having spent most of our married life in Switzerland, where going out weekly isn't common, we had to find our own way. For us, this meant three in-house dates and one external date at a restaurant each month. I hope you're beginning to realize that there's always a solution, even though it may look quite different from our experience or anyone else's.

On our date night, my husband took up cooking duties for me. Since I'm the primary cook in our household and enjoy it, this provided me with a break and offered my husband an opportunity to acquire a new skill. We followed our usual routine of putting the kids to bed at 7 pm, and then we enjoyed our meal in the comfort of our lovely home, complete with candles and nice napkins.

If you're living far from family and don't have access to a babysitter, these in-home date nights can be the perfect solution.

The key is to do what you can in the current season of your life.

• Five love languages

"The Five Love Languages" is a popular book by Dr. Gary Chapman that explores the concept of love languages and how understanding them can improve relationships. The five love languages are:

• Words of Affirmation: People with this love language feel loved when they receive compliments, verbal expressions of affection, and words of encouragement. Hearing "I love you" and compliments are important to them.

• Acts of Service: For those with this love language, actions speak louder than words. They feel loved when their partner helps with chores, does tasks for them, or takes action to make their life easier.

• Receiving Gifts: Some individuals feel most loved when they receive thoughtful gifts. These gifts don't need to be extravagant but should show consideration and effort.

• Quality Time: Quality time love language focuses on spending undivided attention with your partner. It's about being fully present and engaged in the moment together.

• Physical Touch: People with this love language value physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, and other forms of physical contact.

Understanding and speaking your partner's love language, as well as knowing your own, can lead to better communication, stronger emotional connections, and more fulfilling relationships.

These are a couple of valuable habits we've incorporated into our lives to ensure that our relationship remains a top priority.

One of the most significant gifts we can give our children, second only to dedicating our lives to Jesus, is exemplifying our love for our spouse. Love is not only a feeling but also something practical and visible. To put it simply, when mom and dad share a loving relationship, their children feel secure, learn kindness, and gain self-assurance. It's clear that a harmonious parental relationship profoundly impacts children's happiness and influences their future. Furthermore, by nurturing our love and prioritizing our relationship, we're investing in a bond that will endure even after our children have left the nest.

(*) I want to put a disclaimer here. If you find yourself in a household where you or your children are experiencing any form of abuse, it is crucial that you seek help and take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your children. Your safety and well-being are of utmost importance, and there are support systems and organizations available to assist you in these challenging situations. Please do not hesitate to reach out to them for the help and protection you need.