Simplify - Unity

This post goes out to those who might be feeling a bit challenged by the Simplify Series. (Hey there, if you're nodding along, I see you!) To the ones who find terms like structure, meal planning, and to-do lists less like a joyful game and more like the source of persistent headaches.

I sense that you might be thinking, "Not another one," but perhaps there's a reluctance to openly discuss it because there's a sense of shame associated with not being naturally structured. Let's break free from that stigma and have an open conversation about it, recognizing that everyone has unique strengths, and that being less structured doesn't diminish your value or worth.

I won't bore you with a list of all the previous entries on this subject because, well, if you're keen on exploring them, you'll find your way there. Instead, let's chat a bit more intimately about these topics, recognizing that we all bring our unique flavors to the table when it comes to navigating the complexities of daily life.

I'm a structured person, but organizing myself isn't always a breeze for me. This is my perspective. Others might say I'm meticulously organized. It depends on who you ask.

In a recent mentoring session with a couple, we delved into a relatable topic. The wife opened up about the daily challenge of deciding what to cook, expressing her struggle to establish a rhythm and find satisfaction in her meals. More often than not, frustration seemed to be her companion. Eager to assist, I floated the idea of a meal plan. Her response, while polite, carried an almost audible sigh of, "Not another thing!"—a sentiment I could keenly sense in the air.

Our conversation extended as we delved into the challenge she faced with structuring and planning. Turns out, it's not exactly her forte. And you know how it goes—those who aren't as comfortable with structure often feel a bit out of their depth when bombarded with the classic "just do it" mantra from the enthusiasts of all things structured. It's like trying to fit a puzzle piece into the wrong spot for some, and I totally get that and I am usually met with exactly these challenges myself.

Her husband, deeply invested in structure, made numerous attempts to motivate her, but unfortunately, his efforts fell flat. To make matters a bit more challenging for her, having me on the other side didn't help much. I tried to take a step back to be considerate, but her husband, recognizing another structure enthusiast in the mix, seemed to turn up the volume, hoping for some extra encouragement for his wife.

Eager to comprehend the root cause of her struggle. However, I also recognized that this wasn't the ideal place or time to delve into it.

It's a common narrative; society tends to define what's considered better, or maybe it's the expectations we internalize. The extroverted often enjoys more favor than the introverted. The reserved tend to fare better than the expressive (although truth be told, sometimes the outgoing can be quite expressive, but there's a limit to that too). Humility is elevated over arrogance. Creativity holds a higher rank than non-creativity. Indeed, being structured is generally seen as superior to being less structured.

Each of these traits is either acquired or not, depending on the individual.

Honestly, it's more like a natural strength for me. My upbringing played a significant role, especially with a very organized mom at home and being the oldest child, stepping up and becoming independent and responsible was a trait I learned early on. Even though I still need to find motivation at times, being organized undeniably sparks joy and enthusiasm in me.

Despite my strength in organization, I grapple with other weaknesses. I can empathize with the external pressure when something else is viewed more positively than your strength. Being social is often deemed more attractive than being reserved, and I happen to fall into the latter category.

For years, I've been on a journey to break out of my shell. While it's becoming easier, and I have gained considerable ground, also going deeper into root issues. Because it wasn’t only about being reserved, but for me being not seen, was better than being seen. Because of my sheer presence, some of my family members were hurt. So that meant, keeping low, because I could hurt others. I gained a lot of freedom, but being out there as a social bug, it doesn't exactly flow naturally from me. Interestingly and classic, my husband, who effortlessly possesses this strength, can hardly fathom the effort it takes for me.

It must be the same with structure.

In our marriage, it's quite the opposite dynamic, and my husband could empathize with the woman's struggle, much like I can relate to other character weaknesses.

Our strengths complement each other beautifully. Celebrating these differences in marriage is not just important; it's essential. It's not about fighting against these variations; it's about embracing and appreciating them. Because, usually, when we think about it, that very strength was attractive when we first met.

We can support each other but should also be considerate when we sense the other person struggling.

I have learned not to expect my husband to be and do the same as me but to celebrate what he brings to the table in our family. It is very different and unique. We are together for a reason; if he were as organized as me, we wouldn't have his twist of social. Knowing that whenever we speak anywhere, I can depend on him and lean on him. He doesn't get nervous at all and loves the attention. I thrive on preparation, whereas he is not as meticulous with that. It has stressed me out countless times, but when I remind myself of this truth, that we are complementing each other and not the same person, I can celebrate.

This is such a shift in perspective. What are the traits you feel frustrated with your spouse? Take a moment to pause, write them down, and then ask Holy Spirit for His heavenly perspective on that. What should you focus on?

Unity is not a spontaneous occurrence; it requires intentional effort and a fresh perspective. It's an ongoing process that demands dedication and a willingness to fight for the unity of a relationship. Rather than assuming unity will happen effortlessly, which it doesn’t for nobody, it's crucial to actively seek it, approaching each day with a renewed commitment to understanding, supporting, and cherishing one another. This intentional approach helps to build a strong foundation for unity and fosters a deeper connection in relationships.

So, if you find the Simplify blog entries challenging, don't let it stress you out. Don't compare yourself to anyone. I've learned not to compare myself to my super social and sympathetic husband who can talk to any stranger and make them his friend in seconds.

Comparing myself to social individuals with a million friends doesn't motivate me in the slightest. Overwhelm is a more accurate word for my feelings at the moment. I retrieved it and did not want to get out of my shell for another week.

Embrace progress at your own pace—one step at a time. What might seem like baby steps to others are, for you, bold strides forward. Give it a shot. Explore whether you're ready to tackle something from the series, and seek the support of someone who can offer encouragement. Remember, encouragement holds significant value, especially if that's a language that speaks to your heart.

Don't measure yourself against others.

If that were effective, something positive would result, but it doesn't. Let's eradicate this "illness" once and for all! It's the root of so much negativity!

So, dear ones, whether you're a structured one or not, our lives would be dull if we were all the same. Here's to the many strengths you possess, even if they're not in being structured!

If you choose to explore the next entry in the Simplify series, I extend a warm welcome and consider it an honor to have you join. Rest assured, I intend to uplift and encourage everyone; stressing anyone out is the last thing on my agenda. At times, our perspectives are colored by the lenses of past hurts, rejection, and negative life experiences. It's crucial to exchange these colored glasses for neutral ones.

Such a transformation requires the divine touch of Holy Spirit, especially during reflective moments like journaling. When facing emotions beyond a simple dislike, dive deeper with the Holy Spirit. Explore the roots of your feelings, seek clarity, and allow Him to bring healing. This process can shift negative sentiments toward neutrality and, ultimately, positivity.

So, read the next post with the mentioned guidance, and remember that we are all unique, wonderful, and priceless! Comparing ourselves would be unimaginative and boring!