Taking Back the Reins
Let's look at this from a parent's perspective. Taking back the reins" typically means reclaiming the lead as a mother or father, especially after a period in which we may have inadvertently slipped or not been fully aware.
Let’s be honest we’ve all been there, and I certainly have.
It can strike at any time, maybe a busy season, pregnancy, a major move, or sickness but it doesn’t even have to be anything big, but just the natural, give me a couple of minutes to myself and the gradual loss of ground by not meaning what you say and consistency not following through because you don’t have the energy.
At first we hardly notice the loss. It creeps in, quiet and subtle, without fanfare or alarm. There are no dramatic signs to alert us - just a quiet underlying sense of dissatisfaction, exhaustion and frustration that begins to set in. The atmosphere at home is changing, but it's hard to put your finger on what's wrong or where it started, because it all begins so gradually - small, seemingly insignificant changes.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize that the growing frustration I felt with my kids often had little to do with what they were doing. At first, it’s easy to place the blame on them—perhaps they’re not listening, testing boundaries, or leaving yet another mess behind. You start piling on the consequences, hoping something will stick. You may even try new systems or stricter rules, convinced that the problem lies in their behaviour. But then, after enough time and reflection, the truth begins to surface. The real issue wasn’t them at all—it was me. Somewhere along the way, I had become less consistent. Maybe I was too tired to follow through one day, or I let something slide because I didn’t want another battle. Over time, those small choices added up. My boundaries became blurry, and the structure my kids needed started to crumble.
The frustration I thought was about their behavior was actually about my slipping consistency. It’s humbling to admit, but once I recognized it, I realized I had the power to course-correct—not by being harsher or stricter, but by returning to clear, steady, and loving guidance. And when I did, the atmosphere in our home began to shift for the better.
Are you feeling more frustrated than usual with one—or all—of your children?
Take a moment to pause and ask yourself: Could this frustration be more about me? Are my kids simply reacting to what I’m unintentionally bringing into the situation?
Where have you lost ground you once firmly held? We often think that a victory, once won, will remain secure—but it won’t without care and attention. As our children grow, the values and convictions we’ve instilled in them must be nurtured, reinforced, and adjusted to meet them at each stage of their lives. This consistency becomes their security, as they learn that a yes truly means yes and a no truly means no.
These principles form a strong and unwavering foundation they can stand on with confidence.
Of course, you wouldn't try to explain the full depth of a value to a three-year-old - it would be far too overwhelming. But even at that age, you can and should lay a foundation on which you can build as they grow. It's a process that takes years. And it's one you don't want to miss.
So, how about you? This isn’t about whether you’ve lost ground—we all have at some point, and that’s completely normal. The real work lies in digging into our frustration, understanding where it’s coming from, and addressing it with intention. That’s the fine, ongoing effort we’re called to.
Now, when I catch myself getting overly frustrated with one of my children—and yes, even starting to nag—I take a step back. I pause and give myself a moment for reflection. It’s in that space of honesty and self-awareness that I can realign my heart and approach with more grace for me, that I can uncover the root issues.
It often relates to one of these areas in my case:
Does your child respond still verbally with a clear "Yes, mom/dad"?
Are they practicing first-time obedience and following through consistently?
Where are they in the "funnel" of responsibilities and freedoms?
The "monkeys"—do they truly have freedom in their choices?
Are they making too many decisions independently?
How are their verbal and physical boundaries developing?
Are you recognizing and using teachable moments effectively?
Are their sleeping habits healthy and supportive?
It could also be about:
Spending intentional one-on-one time with your children
Prioritizing quality time and dates with your partner, which might be getting overlooked
Balance encouragement with nagging - do you build them up more than you correct them?
Taking care of yourself regularly to recharge and prevent burnout
And so many other small but meaningful aspects of daily life that influence your family dynamic.
You're not alone in this! When I take on too much, I quickly notice how things slip out of my control. If you're feeling the same way, take heart and start reclaiming that lost ground. The good news? Regaining what’s been lost is often easier than building it from scratch. So, be encouraged—you’ve got this!
How Do You Refocus and Regain Lost Territory?
Start by inviting the Holy Spirit into the process.
Ask Him to reveal the root cause—because the surface issues are often just symptoms of something deeper. You may have noticed some patterns, like not spending enough quality time with one child. While that’s an important area to address, the underlying issue might be more profound. Perhaps being with that child stirs up unresolved pain, making connection harder than it seems.Or maybe you’ve taken on too many commitments outside the home. While scaling back is a practical step, the Holy Spirit might show you that the real reason lies in feeling less needed at home, pushing you to seek significance elsewhere. Have you noticed how addressing only the surface won’t lead to lasting change? True transformation happens when we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us. He leads us into truth, helping us uncover the deeper roots and empowering us to grow. So pause, pray, and listen—He’ll lead you to where you need to be.
Speak With Your Child
If your child is old enough, have an honest talk with him or her. Tell them what you've noticed by saying something like, "You may have noticed that I've been a bit distant (or louder) lately. I realised it was because of [briefly explain] and I want to apologise.
Let them know that you're taking steps to get things back to normal. Be honest that it might feel a little uncomfortable at first, especially if they've got used to the 'new normal'. Reassure them that these changes are for the better and that in time things will feel right again.
This openness not only rebuilds trust, but also models humility, accountability and the value of healthy communication. It's a step towards healing and rebuilding together.
Take Action: One Step at a Time
Start with what the Holy Spirit revealed to you. Focus on the one point that stood out the most. Even if there are multiple areas needing attention, resist the urge to tackle them all at once—it will only lead to overwhelm.
I get how frustrating it is to feel like you’ve lost ground on something you worked on for years. The desire to fix everything immediately is strong, but rushing the process can leave you burned out—and your children, too.
Instead, take it step by step. Small, consistent actions will rebuild what’s been lost, creating a stronger and more lasting foundation. Trust that as you focus on one area, the Holy Spirit will guide and strengthen you for the journey ahead.
Set Time Aside
In seasons like these, it’s essential to create intentional space. I make a conscious effort to reduce appointments and commitments so I can stay focused on what truly matters. Having fewer distractions allows me to approach things with more patience and a sense of peace.
When you simplify your schedule, it gives you room to be present and attentive, helping you to navigate challenges with greater clarity and calm. Sometimes, stepping back is the best way to move forward.
Don’t Be Discouraged
You’re not alone in this journey, so take heart. Yes, the effort you’re putting in will make a difference, and yes, it will pay off in ways that matter deeply. But don’t rely solely on your own strength. Instead, invite the Holy Spirit into the process.
Thank Him for walking alongside you, for giving you wisdom, heavenly ideas, and unexpected opportunities to grow and restore what’s been lost. With His help, you’re never striving alone—He is your guide, your strength, and your source of hope. Keep going; you’ve got this!
Be Ready to Repeat
Frustration has a way of resurfacing, and when it does, stop and ask yourself: "Have I lost ground again?" Recognising this is key. Be prepared to go through the process again - seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit, refocusing and taking small, deliberate steps to regain balance.
Growth is a journey, not a one-time fix. And that's OK. Each repetition will make you stronger and more attuned to what's needed in your family. Don't get discouraged; you're building a lasting legacy and Yes that takes time and commitment.
Have fun! Yes, I know this may sound unexpected, but we often forget how important fun is in parenting. It's not just about setting rules and meeting expectations, it's about creating moments of laughter and joy. This happiness not only helps to build a deeper connection with our children, but also makes everyday life less stressful and more fulfilling.