Borrowed Blessings

Sorry, the title doesn’t quite give it away, so what is this post really about?

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the truth that our children are not ours to keep. This thought arose during a heartfelt conversation with a friend. She shared her journey—her child, born a boy, expressing the desire to transition to a girl, and then cutting off all contact with his parents. Listening to her expressing the truth that ultimately, our kids are God’s. They’ve always been His.

As hard as it is to grasp, this reminder doesn’t erase the pain but does shift our perspective. It calls us to trust God in deeper ways than we thought possible. After all, they belong to Him first.

This truth is easier to accept when things are going well—when you’re enjoying your children and feel they’re following the path you believe is best. It feels like smooth sailing. But let’s pause and consider: Are we parenting our children to follow our idea of the best path? What does that even entail—school, education, career, living environment, life choices? Is this truly our mandate as parents?

What is our mandate? Ephesians 6:4 captures it beautifully: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger (and I would add mothers) by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

As Christians we are called to be deeply involved in the upbringing of our children. Our job is to instruct them in God's ways, both by teaching and by example. to "bring them up" means grounding them in the Word of God, nurturing them in His ways, and guiding them to live according to His purpose.

Take a moment and pause with the Holy Spirit. By now you've probably noticed that we are not here to create content just for the sake of it. We're already surrounded by more information than ever before, yet transformation often seems to slip through our fingers. We move on to the next thing, accumulating knowledge without ever really transforming our lives. That's not what attracts us. Real transformation comes only through the Holy Spirit. It's in those quiet moments with Him, not in endless consumption, that hearts are changed. So I invite you to sit at His feet, to linger and let Him reveal what's waiting in your heart.

Are you parenting your children with a certain agenda in mind (school, education, career, cultural or familiar norm, etc)?

The Lord has entrusted us with precious gifts. It's important how we nurture and train them, but it shouldn't be according to our cultural values or how we were brought up, but according to the kingdoms. To be honest, this is very difficult to analyse because how can we separate our culture, the very thing that has shaped us? It's not possible without the Holy Spirit because it's ingrained in us to such an extent that it becomes truth. And because it's true, we don't question it until maybe we move to a different country, into an environment where things are done differently and/or we question it.

In Jeremiah 1:5 we read: "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born, I sanctified you..." Our children, like the prophet Jeremiah, have a mission from God. But let's face it - it's not always easy for us to hear or accept this truth, especially when God's purpose for our children doesn't match the plans we've made for them.

It's easy to say amen to this verse until that purpose begins to differ from our own. For example, maybe you've always imagined your child going to university, but they feel God is calling them to Bible school. In the culture I grew up in, such a decision was often met with a "yes, but..." mentality. If parents were open-minded enough to say yes, it usually came with a condition: You can do that - but first you have to get an education or learn a trade. Even as I write this, I recognize how deeply ingrained this mindset is in me. The idea of choosing Bible school first feels hard to fully embrace without tacking on a but. It makes me wonder—am I still so shaped by my culture that it’s difficult to trust God’s plan might be different from my own? This isn’t about setting a rigid rule for everyone. In many cases, it might be wiser to study or pursue a job first—but is that always the case? It’s about being open to surrender and seeking God’s unique calling for each child.

Or take the reverse scenario: perhaps your child feels that he needs to study law and becoming a lawyer, but your heart is set on seeing them in the mission field. You fear they’re giving up their calling, that they’ll be lured by money and prestige. Maybe you’ve always seen the marketplace as less significant than ministry and can’t imagine God using them powerfully there.

These examples highlight just how instinctively we’re shaped by our culture, upbringing, and personal experiences. It’s a humbling reminder that parenting in partnership with God often means letting go of our desires and trusting Him to lead our children into the plans He has prepared for them.

When we begin to see our children as individuals uniquely created for God’s purposes, we can rest in the promise stated in Romans 8:28. God will work for the good of those who love Him and trust in Him.

In my own life, I've often only seen God's goodness in retrospect. It didn't always make sense in the moment - it felt illogical, even unwise, to those around me and sometimes to myself. Yet God calls us to trust Him, to trust Him with His children. His goodness and provision, often seen only in the rear-view mirror, are never accidental. He wants us to lean into that trust, even when we can't see the whole picture. Our children are sponges, absorbing more than we often realise. They're watching us closely, asking unspoken questions: Is the faith my parents talk about real? Do they really live it, or is it just something they say because it sounds like what good Christians should be doing?

It's easy to teach our children what the Bible says, but do we model it in our own lives? Do they see us applying God's truth to our daily actions, or do we fall back on cultural norms such as putting education or security above all else? In many cultures, education is highly valued, and while it's important, is it the foundation of our faith - or are we showing our children something deeper?

What will they see when they look at us? Will they see parents who talk the talk but hesitate when God’s plans seem to challenge what feels safe or logical? Or will they see parents who trust God no matter what—parents with open hands, surrendering their lives and plans fully to Him, even when it looks foolish to the world? Believing that He will provide. He will lead. He is with us. That’s the kind of faith that leaves an impression—one that teaches our children to trust God with their own lives, no matter where He calls us but also gives them a foundation of themselves because they have seen it lived.

We need to release our grip, control and expectations of our children into God's hands.

Your values may be good, rooted in love and the desire for the best for your children. But ultimately, they belong to Him, and He has a unique plan for their lives. Partnering with the Holy Spirit is essential to guide us into His mysteries and align our parenting with His divine purpose.

To make the exercise of sitting with the Holy Spirit fruitful, write down what he said and reflect on it over the next few days.

Our kids are borrowed blessings, ultimately His, not ours to keep. This is most reflected if you are a foster parent.

Foster Parents ultimately do not have the decision power on many things, that parents in general take for granted, with the biological parents still in the picture many times, you hand them back on weekends or during certain days or vacations, you are constantly reminded, that they are not yours, but none of our children belong to us regardless of how God gave them. It’s a great reminder.

We’ve written a post about dedicating our children and if you have never done it, we highly recommend you read the post here.

Your reflections will naturally shift depending on whether you’re holding an infant, guiding a 10-year-old, or navigating life with a 16-year-old. But no matter the season, keep asking yourself this question: Are you dedicating your child to their ultimate Father? Make it a habit—a rhythm of surrender. Stay connected in intimacy with God, drawing everything you need from the ultimate source, the One who knows the beginning from the end. Stay so close that you can hear the whisper of His voice, guiding you for your children.

Over the years, I’ve mentored many young women whose relationships with their parents became strained because their choices didn’t align with parental expectations. It’s a reminder of how vital it is to release our children to God’s plans, not our own.

Mind you, each of these young women was seeking God wholeheartedly, but their parents couldn't see beyond their own expectations. One was a single mother who felt called to quit her job and take her baby to Bible school. Another, now engaged, faced resistance because her fiancé - a man with a history of divorce and a body covered in tattoos - did not fit the family's vision. Then there was the woman who believed God was calling her to a six-month mission trip, only to find her parents unable to accept her decision, their own insecurities surfacing as they chose silence over support.

Stories like these, and many more, reveal a painful truth: when parents can't accept the God-led decisions of their adult children, it often creates a rift in their relationship - a rift they may not even realise exists. While these divides are not impossible to heal, they can be deeply hurtful to both parties. The refusal to accept their children's paths has fractured relationships, sometimes in ways that feel irreparable. It's a loss that runs deep, a cost far greater than they may ever understand.

It's easy to look at these stories from a distance and say I'd never react like that. But stop for a moment. What if it was your child? How would you respond if their choices didn't meet your expectations?

It's so important that we raise our children in a way that reassures them that we trust them. Yes, there are far worse choices than those mentioned - but even then we cannot control our children. Instead, we can trust a perfect Father to guide them.

Whether your story mirrors the first scenario that prompted me to write this post, or your child has left the faith, is struggling with addiction, or is facing other challenges, the call remains the same: pray. If you haven't made it a priority to intercede for your children, start now. It's a lifelong habit you'll never get out of. Even after your children leave home and start their own families, you'll still find yourself on your knees pouring out your heart to God.

So ask yourself: What is the attitude of your heart towards your borrowed blessing?