How to be a calmer Mom

Are you consistently operating in energy deficit, finding it challenging to cope with your children's tantrums? Does life feel joyless, with the risk of losing your temper more often than you'd like? Perhaps you never anticipated being in this situation, yet now you feel stuck in a rut, uncertain how to halt this trajectory for the next 18 years.

Is there hope for things to improve?

With over 16 years of experience working with families and raising my own children, I've observed a common tendency: we often live in anticipation of better days in the future. However, the reality is that these better days won't materialize unless we make changes today. Tomorrow, in essence, begins with the actions we take today

Transformation in our children doesn't happen overnight; it's a gradual process. Building meaningful relationships with them requires intentional effort, and genuine connection doesn't simply emerge from positive thoughts. It's a dynamic journey that involves consistent, purposeful actions and a commitment to fostering understanding and trust.

Once again, it boils down to intentionality.

As mothers, we often find ourselves drowning in a shared sense of overwhelm, but leaving you there would be unjust. Mere consolation in our challenging moments doesn't ignite hope. I firmly believe in the joy and hope that accompanies the journey of raising our families. Unfortunately, these precious elements are sometimes stolen from us, and we might not even realize where the theft is occurring. Recognizing that our struggle is not against flesh and blood is essential, and it's crucial to understand that this heightened state of stress and overwhelm is not meant to be our prolonged normalcy.

Psalms 46:1 TPT

God, you’re such a safe and powerful place to find refuge! You’re a proven help in time of trouble— more than enough and always available whenever I need you.

1. GOD is your Refuge

While trying to rejuvenate ourselves with a day off, a night out with friends, a calming bath infused with essential oils, or the warm glow of numerous candles (which, let's be honest, can be delightful but a hassle to light), these are all fantastic ways to take care of ourselves. However, the initial refuge and source of strength should be sought in Him.

First and foremost, seek refuge in Him. In moments of need, we often find solace in the nine fruits of the Spirit— love in all its varied expressions, joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, goodness a life full of virtue, faithfulness that prevails, gentleness of heart, and self-control strength of spirit. What does the scripture say about these fruits? The fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine. As per Galatians 5, when you yield to the life of the Spirit, you no longer live under the law but soar above it!

Therefore, lean into the Holy Spirit, embracing His comfort, guidance, and the fruits He generously provides.

2. Uncover root issues

Frequently, we address the symptoms without delving into the root cause. Treating the root can be time-consuming and intense, but the freedom it brings is invaluable. I can't stress this enough, drawing from my journey and the insights gained from those who have shared their experiences during inner healing sessions.

Consider this scenario: you're grappling with anger, experiencing uncontrollable rages, and your immediate focus is on managing the symptoms, such as dealing with disobedient children. However, let me propose an alternative perspective—it might be linked to something ingrained during your childhood. Was your mother prone to anger? Did your father lose control of you or your siblings? Exploring these roots can provide profound insights into your current struggles and lead to more freedom than you could imagine.

3. Your Well-being

Addressing our cup's fullness is paramount, yet its sustained fulfillment rests in God, our ultimate provider.

Time, a precious commodity, may make allocating an extra 15-30 minutes for self-care seem daunting. However, a critical realization surfaces — we cannot be at our best for our loved ones unless we prioritize ourselves.

Self-care transcends manicures, pedicures, and massages, adapting its manifestation through various life phases. In your current phase, self-care might involve carving out time for healthy eating, exercise, sufficient sleep, and more. Speaking of sleep, prioritizing a full 8 hours has remarkably transformed my days. Although I initially perceived it as a sacrifice of late-night indulgences, the benefits to my body and energy levels were undeniable.

Understanding the profound positive effects of sleep on our bodies reinforces the significance of this rejuvenating practice. Here are a few highlights:

Focus and Attention: A well-rested mind is more alert, leading to improved focus, attention, and problem-solving skills.

Mood Regulation: Adequate sleep contributes to emotional resilience and stability, reducing the risk of mood swings and irritability.

Stress Reduction: Quality sleep helps regulate stress hormones, fostering a calmer and more balanced emotional state.

Immune Function: Crucial for a robust immune system, sleep supports the body's ability to fight infections effectively.

Weight Management: Healthy sleep patterns are linked to maintaining a healthy weight by regulating appetite hormones and preventing unhealthy eating patterns.

Reduced Risk of Depression: Insufficient sleep is associated with an increased risk of depression and other mood disorders.

Anxiety Management: Quality sleep contributes to lower anxiety levels and improved overall mental well-being.

Cellular Restoration: During deep sleep, the body undergoes essential cellular repair, growth, and the release of growth hormone.

While acknowledging the challenges of sleep during phases like having a newborn, it's essential to recognize that such phases are temporary.

Parents play a crucial role in promoting healthy sleep patterns in children by creating conducive sleep environments, maintaining consistent schedules, and prioritizing good sleep hygiene practices.

Whatever your self-care needs may be, intentionally make time for them. This practice not only enhances your well-being but radiates positive effects on the people you hold dear. Personally, having a Saturday morning free for myself, thanks to my husband caring for the children, became a cherished routine. Whether meeting a friend or simply enjoying a coffee and a book, this intentional self-care ritual contributed to my sustainable weekly well-being.

4. Set clear expectations

An additional valuable tip for those aspiring to master the art of calm parenting involves self-awareness regarding potential triggers and developing proactive strategies to address them.

Having filled our cup with God's grace and delved into root issues from our upbringing, fostering overall well-being, including ensuring sufficient sleep, is vital. Establishing clear rules within your home provides a framework for consistent and calm parenting.

Consider a common scenario: a child struggling to get dressed on time for school. Instead of succumbing to the stress of time constraints, proactively address the issue. Wake up 20 minutes earlier to work on the dressing routine calmly. While your child may still take their time, you can maintain consistency by keeping them in their room until they are ready. This approach avoids the chaos of shouting and rushing, sending a message that waiting until the last minute will not result in hurried assistance. By setting clear expectations and calmly adhering to them, you communicate to your child that their actions determine the pace, without the need for escalating stress or raised voices.

Let's take a step back for a moment. An essential principle in parenting is to prioritize teaching your child in a non-confrontational manner before expecting obedience. Often, we find ourselves nagging them when they're doing something wrong, without providing proper instruction or taking the time to teach them effectively. Instead of relying on correction during challenging moments, dedicate time to teaching with positivity, incorporating elements of fun and play. This proactive approach fosters a more conducive learning environment and sets the stage for smoother interactions.

Amidst the multitude of tips that can be integrated into your daily life, let's take a moment In life's hustle and bustle, take a moment to pause. Seek out a quiet space where you can intentionally connect with God, allowing the deep-seated cries of your heart to unfurl in His presence. This is a sacred invitation—one that stands in stark contrast to past experiences where you might have felt the need to suppress your emotions, whether due to your relationship with your earthly father or a lack of emotional availability from your mother.

Your heavenly Father extends a gracious hand, beckoning you into a profound relationship. Unlike the limitations of earthly connections, this divine bond thrives on vulnerability. It's an encouragement to let down your guard, recognizing that this relationship is a haven where your heart can freely express itself. The beauty lies in the fact that this divine connection is an opportunity for you to be fully seen and embraced just as you are. It's a space where authenticity is not only accepted but celebrated. As you embrace this divine invitation, you embark on a transformative journey of emotional well-being and healing, guided by the unwavering love of your heavenly Father.

You are not alone.