Ungrateful

Who wants to raise an ungrateful child? Certainly not me and I firmly believe that no parent does. Don't you agree?

Actively encouraging ingratitude in a child is far from our intentions. Imagine mothers on the playground exchanging tips on how to cultivate ungratefulness, reinforcing an attitude of entitlement, and discouraging expressions of gratitude... That would be weird, wouldn't it?

Ungratefulness runs counter to the values most parents strive to instill in their children. We want to raise compassionate, appreciative individuals who understand the importance of acknowledging the kindness and generosity they receive. Cultivating gratitude fosters empathy, humility, and a deeper connection with others. So the idea of intentionally encouraging ingratitude is not only foreign, i”t is contrary to the fundamental goals of parenting.

I am reminded by the Bible verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

“I love the Passion Translation: Let joy be your continual feast. Make your life a prayer. And in the midst of everything be always giving thanks, for this is God's perfect plan for you in Christ Jesus.”

Being thankful is God's will for us and He includes us in all circumstances.

But to make joy our constant celebration, wow.

As most of us eat three times a day, it must become a habit, but a habit that isn't occasional; as we feed our body, we must also feast on joy.

This isn't easy, but as always, let's start with ourselves.

How we approach gratitude says a lot about us. It doesn't even have to do with our circumstances, because there are people with far less than we have who are more grateful than we are.

We experienced this first hand when we lived on a small Caribbean island with 280 people, no hospital, no doctor, no mall, no comparison, and no real way to get, say, a bathing suit that one of our girls needed. Yes, we could go to the bigger island that was 4-5 hours away by ferry, which puts everything into perspective if you need something that bad, doesn't it? Today, with everything just a click away and next day or even same-day delivery, I doubt we appreciate it that much more.

But let’s return to our lives in this world of convenience. How often do I hear people say, "I will be more grateful if I have more money, a bigger house, obedient children, or if I have a child, a husband, a nicer car…" I was one of them. But the problem is, the list never ends. Are we truly more grateful if we ever obtain those things? Not really, am I right?

God specifically points out in His Word to be grateful in all circumstances, which is key. Circumstances don’t inherently make us grateful; rather, it’s the practice of being grateful in all circumstances that truly matters.

What is your “I will be more grateful if…”, today?

Stop for a moment and think: Sometimes we aren't even aware of the exact thought because we don't fully articulate it, but an underlying frustration with our situation persists.

So what is it for you? Take some time to sit with it, reflect on it, and then present it to God.

Reflect on what giving thanks in all circumstances means for you today. Then, ask Him for guidance and receive a fresh word tailored specifically for you at this moment.

I find joy in stopping and revisiting a Bible verse. We pass them by too quickly, especially when they're familiar. But what do they mean? What is their application to my life and how am I living it?

I invite you to engage in a similar reflective process. Allow this verse to permeate your life and illuminate its depths, revealing insights and guiding your journey.

It's powerful because it's not just a suggestion; it's His will. How do we respond to His will? Do we fake it until we make it, or do we enter into a deep relationship with Him? Laying bare our weaknesses and allowing His strength to fill us abundantly. It's not about skipping over His Word and feeling ashamed or indifferent; it's about earnestly seeking His revelation and guidance.

Sit a moment there, and let the hectic nature of the day pass. Quiet the many thoughts that arise, suggesting why you cannot do it. Be present, breathe, and sit with Him.

If you truly are on the run or en route, schedule an official meeting to return to this moment.

Gratitude is a conscious decision to value what we have more than what we don't have.

Gratitude can mean being thankful for a meal after a terrible day, knowing that many people don't take that for granted. Yes, we want to teach our children to be grateful, and we are frustrated when they are not, but how do they see us modeling it? What are the words that they are hearing from me, from you?

Ouch!

So, after we take care of our own lives, and our attitudes, receiving a word and practicing how to be more grateful in every circumstance, what about our children? Do you remind them to be grateful for their food, or do they complain, grumble about the menu not being to their liking, or pick at it out of boredom? And again, there is a balance between criticizing them in that high-pitched voice and saying, you know, children in Africa would love to eat this food. Very rarely has this helped kids to be grateful.

Think about the scenarios in which you would like your children to be more grateful.

Don't limit your teaching to those moments; make it an ongoing, fun, and engaging lesson. It's not a one-time event; it's an 18-year marathon. I know I keep saying that parenting is not a sprint, but a marathon, and I know there is metaphorical truth to that, but I hear you say, what marathon is 18 years long?

This one is.

We recently experienced another one of these situations. Usually, our children thank us for the food and are genuinely grateful after years of training. But what in the world moved their mother to put eggplant in their lasagna? Our lunch table resembled a battlefield. They tried to stage a loud protest, trying to convince me why they couldn't eat this zucchini (even though I tried to explain to them several times that it was EGGPLANT, which they insisted was the same thing, meaning both were on their no-go list) :-) They quickly realized that this method didn't work. Yes, they do know that we're a family that tries everything. Our meal dragged on until they finished eating after repeated protests. In the afternoon, I took the opportunity to talk with each child individually. It was a really powerful conversation where the older ones reflected on their own that their behavior wasn't okay and they weren't grateful. We were able to talk about a lot of things.

Being grateful for difficult friendships requires a great deal of maturity as well because we know we learn and grow through them. This is often a topic of discussion at home because not everyone at school is nice. Parents need to show empathy for their children's feelings while guiding them toward alternative responses rather than responding to negativity with negativity.

You see, we strive to incorporate gratitude into every aspect of our lives in teaching our children. 
It's natural to feel grateful for the good things in life, but it takes conscious effort to cultivate gratitude in all circumstances. We often ask our children what they're thankful for. Sometimes just out of the blue, often when they feel ungrateful. Being grateful changes us. It costs something, but it rewards those who master this art. Teaching your children gratitude is an important key in their lives. Teaching them to say thank you is an essential first step. It creates a healthy pattern.  

We understand firsthand that material things only offer temporary satisfaction. The same goes for our children. Instead of overwhelming them with stuff or constantly indulging their culinary desires, let's focus on teaching them gratitude for what they have. While we all want to make our children happy, I believe the greater joy we provide them in the long run is the ability to appreciate what they already possess. Plus, it's a money-saver! :-)

Teach them to do good. Oh, how wonderful it is when children can bring joy to others, write a letter, or visit someone who is sick. It takes their focus off themselves and away from ungrateful feelings. Every year we make Christmas packages for Eastern Europe. This is close to our children's hearts; it's a way to make them aware that other children have far less and that they can be grateful - not just grateful, but using their resources to help. Because what is on their lists are toothbrushes, toothpaste, and shower gel that they would not have on their lists. Watching with them the clip of last year's unpacking and the joy in the children's hearts was a beautiful, tangible reminder for them.

I hope you see that this goes far beyond "I want my children to be grateful," but involves self-examination to be grateful ourselves in all circumstances. But if we're not, let's take this time to teach our children that it's hard for us, too. Don't hide it, but make it a real-life lesson from you to them. Be vulnerable, sometimes these are the most powerful teaching moments. 

Don't wait to be perfect; that is unattainable. Instead, use your vulnerability and challenges to teach them along the way and explain why it is so important to learn this early. Also, emphasize that this is something they will have to practice for a lifetime - there is no expectation of perfection in your home either, because you, they, and we are still dependent on His grace.

I think 99% of parents would like to pass that on to their children.

Reflecting on what ingratitude is and then examining your daily life can also help you determine where you stand with your own family. Do my actions support my children's gratitude? No doubt it takes time. Don't get discouraged, you will see the fruits.