Chores

When I bring up the topic of chores, I'm often bombarded with questions. Some common ones include:

• At what age should I start encouraging my children to help with chores?

• What types of chores are appropriate for them to do?

• How should I handle resistance and refusal to do chores?

• Is it better to have a reward system for chores or to give an allowance?

From my own experience, I've found that chores can easily slip through the cracks. At first, you might think the kids are too young, and then when they're old enough, it's easy to forget and then somehow it was a good idea in between, but you’ve missed the perfect time, if there even is that time.

Absolutely, blogs can serve as wonderful reminders and sources of inspiration when it comes to incorporating chores into children's lives. Observing other parents who prioritize chores for their children can be a valuable reminder for all of us to do the same. It's all about learning from each other and striving to create a responsible environment for our children.

The latter was a big part in my own life to incorporate chores as young as 3 years old with my children, simple things, but just to start getting them involved, when they want to help is a beautiful key. We buy our children's kids’ kitchens, vacuum cleaners, etc, but why not let them help with the real thing? They love to be a part of the process.

Chores are not just a beautiful support system for us parents, but also have the following benefits:

Chores help teach life skills

They may be young now, but they won't be children forever! It is true that it is not going to help a lot if you start doing household chores with young children. That's why a lot of parents stop altogether because the extra time involved just feels like a loss of time, but hear me out. These precious moments teach them life skills. Laundry, cooking, and budgeting are just some of the essential skills your kids will need when they finally move out. The school doesn't teach these kinds of life lessons, but we can. So the next time you get frustrated because it takes way too long to show your preschooler how to set the table, remember that these are abilities they will need. It's not about the moment, it's about the future benefits; so much of what we plant in our children is long-term. Take a deep breath, manage your expectations, and plan for some extra time and fun.

Trust me, in 10 years, you'll find yourself nagging your teen to help out around the house. Let's face it: a 13-year-old who can't handle basic chores is not cute. It's also not helpful to have a healthy relationship with them. And if we haven't actively taught them, don't expect them to magically pick it up just by observing-they usually don't.

Chores help teach teamwork 

Demonstrating how to be a productive team member can be taught through household chores. On your family "team," each member is responsible and accountable to the others, with consequences for unmet expectations. These lessons learned at home, where forgiveness for mistakes is more readily available, promote the development of strong teamwork skills that children can use in their academic and professional lives.

Chores an Opportunity for Family Bonding

Chores can actually create special moments between children and adults. I remember drying the dishes (yes, we didn’t have a dishwasher growing up) and the many moments of shared conversation with my mom. After a few plates, I finally opened up. It took me a few minutes, but those moments are priceless. The mundane can light up fun moments of laughter and storytelling. Sure, there may be some arguments along the way, but even in those moments there's a potential silver lining. If you stop and listen, you may discover areas where your children need guidance. It could be how they communicate with each other, using appropriate language, showing kindness, or expressing gratitude. Chores have a way of bringing out the less pleasant sides, but don't shy away from them; embrace them as opportunities for growth and improvement.

Our children often cook together, and I cherish the moments when I can overhear their conversations. Admittedly, there's also a bit of arguing, especially about who gets to chop the onions or who's doing more work. Still, these moments remain incredibly special to me.

Chores help to develop empathy

Chores provide a unique opportunity for children to cultivate empathy by understanding and appreciating the needs of others in the home. By engaging in tasks such as cleaning common areas or helping to prepare meals, children develop an awareness of how their actions affect the well-being and comfort of their family members. In addition, chores provide opportunities for children to express empathy through acts of kindness and assistance. Whether it's offering to help a sibling with chores or taking on extra tasks to make a family member's life easier, children learn to empathize with the needs of others and to help in meaningful ways.

These moments are invaluable teaching opportunities. Watching a child struggle to complete his or her task amidst the demands of a busy study week sparks conversations about mutual support and teamwork within our family.

Chores help to build a strong work ethic 

I know this may be one of the last things you think about with your young child, but it is an important one. This trait is valued by teachers and bosses, so why not instill a work ethic in your children from an early age?

Chores play an important role in instilling a strong work ethic in children. By participating in household chores, children learn the value of hard work, perseverance, and responsibility at an early age. As they contribute to the functioning of the household, they understand the importance of diligence and dedication in completing tasks to the best of their ability.

Chores also provide children with practical experience in time management and organization. They learn to prioritize tasks, manage time effectively, and juggle multiple responsibilities - skills that are essential for success in both personal and professional endeavors later in life.

Chores help reinforce respect

In fact, it often takes leaving the comfort of home for many of us to fully appreciate the extent of our parents' hard work in maintaining the household. Similarly, our children may not fully appreciate the effort that goes into maintaining a home until they are given chores of their own. Giving them responsibilities around the house not only helps relieve some of the workload but also fosters an awareness of the messes they create and the effort required to maintain a clean and organized living space.

While there may still be a pivotal "aha" moment for them when they venture out on their own and realize the magnitude of household tasks, introducing chores early on prepares them for that revelation. Reflecting on my own experience, I remember the moment I moved out and suddenly found myself responsible for all the tasks my parents had diligently taken care of. It's a realization that continues to shape my perspective, especially when my own children may not fully understand the work I do behind the scenes.

Although our children may never fully grasp the totality of our efforts, assigning them chores gives them a glimpse of the responsibilities of adulthood and prepares them for the journey ahead. It's a cycle of awareness and preparation that ensures they enter the next phase of their lives with a deeper understanding and appreciation for the work that goes into maintaining a home.

And the Harvard study puts it like this:

The landmark 75-year Harvard study clearly showed the connection between children participating in chores and becoming successful adults. Chores are important because they teach children basic skills, provide a sense of responsibility, instill values of hard work, and promote the common good! They also can be really helpful for the family unit! Further, new research shows that basic household chores have all kinds of benefits for adults in their older age and may even improve brain health. Let’s pave the way for children’s adult success and great outcomes later in life by intertwining chores into daily life today.

– MiaLisa Millares, Executive Director

Are you convinced?

Being fully invested as a parent is the starting point for everything. In my own journey as a mother, and in supporting parents for over 18 years, I've found that while we hear a lot about the importance of teaching children to do chores, many of us are reluctant to get started. The process is neither seamless nor quick, which causes some to shy away. After all, it's often easier and cleaner to do things ourselves. Yes, teaching our children will inevitably lead to messes and maybe even broken things as they learn, but it's all part of the learning process it's worth it.

If you approach the task with realistic expectations and an understanding of the benefits mentioned above, you'll be off to a great start.

Let me give you a glimpse of the future before we resume next week and delve deeper into practical tasks.

In our household, we have one adult and two teenagers living under the same roof. We began introducing chores at the age of 3, starting with small, minor tasks. Today, our children take on a wide range of responsibilities: they do all the laundry, unload and load the dishwasher, set and clear the table, clean their rooms and bathroom, cook on weekends, and even help with the grocery shopping. Their contributions are incredible and have become an invaluable support system for our family of five.

Are they always excited to pitch in? No, but they've learned that contributing to our family's well-being is part of being part of our household. We've instilled a sense of collective responsibility where we all pull together and support each other. I share this with you to illustrate that while the immediate rewards may not always be apparent, the long-term benefits are truly beautiful.

And if you're wondering whether I still have anything to do at home, let me assure you, I do! :-)