Am I the Only One?

A common lie that many, if not all, mothers succumb to is the false belief that we are alone in our challenges, doubts, and fears as moms. We convince ourselves that we're the only ones who:

• Feel overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood

• Struggle to lose baby weight quickly

• Lose our patience and raise our voices

• Doubt our ability to navigate parenthood

• Worry about our children's future

• Struggle to maintain balance and harmony in our home

• Finding it difficult to sustain our relationships with our husbands

• Feeling less tidy and classy

And the list could extend infinitely, couldn't it?

Let's debunk this myth and acknowledge that we are all in this journey together.

But first let’s take a moment to ponder: what would your list include? Jot down those thoughts, and be completely honest with yourself. There's no need to share it with anyone else. What are the top seven things that make you feel like you're the only one?

These lies have the potential to consume, immobilize, or distract you, all because you believe that no one understands your situation, or perhaps more upsetting, that they judge you or think you are unqualified to be mother.

These falsehoods don't stop there; it's not just the feeling that I am the only one who's struggling, it's also the belief that everyone else isn't:

• She seems to have a more harmonious family life

• She's the picture of a perfect wife

• She effortlessly lost all her baby weight during childbirth

• She seems to have everything completely under control

• Surely she would never speak to her children like that

• Her household couldn't possibly be this chaotic; everything seems meticulously organized

• She's a natural mother

And the list goes on and on.

Deep down, we understand it's unrealistic to believe that everyone is superior to us, but a lingering voice sometimes tries to persuade us otherwise. As moms, platforms like Instagram can exacerbate this feeling, showcasing seemingly flawless mothers baking perfect cookies, sporting the trendiest wardrobes, and raising impeccably behaved children in pristine households, with husbands resembling Ken dolls.

These images are filtered and show only a glimpse, but that is enough to question our ability.

If you feel more frustrated after scrolling through Instagram, consider unfollowing people or even going on a social media fast.

Too often we believe we must be strong enough, but sometimes the strongest thing is to delete it for a while. Why invest time in it if it doesn’t add to your happiness?

Perhaps your mommy groups work hard to maintain the facade of appearing perfectly fine.

A crack in our exterior must be prevented at all costs; we will use as much cement as we can get or replace a brick to maintain the image.

I have seen this time and time again, early on in my journey as a mother, and also in parenting classes for over 17 years. 

Because of the logistics of babysitting, we decided to divide the parenting groups into separate sessions for mothers and fathers. Surprisingly, the dads were more open and from the beginning.

It took a few evenings for the mothers to be honest

I strongly believe that as mothers, we frequently define ourselves by our roles to the point where any perceived weakness in our parenting skills directly impacts our identity and capabilities.

Before anything else, it's crucial to establish whether the environment is safe and non-judgmental, particularly among women.

Can you relate?

That's why I made a crucial decision early on: to prioritize honesty. In the early classes, I often found myself as a single voice, openly sharing my struggles with little acknowledgement from others. But as the sessions progressed, a different reality emerged. There were times when I poured out my soul, hoping for a comforting "I understand," only to be met with silence. In those moments, I had to suppress my inner doubts and maintain faith in the power of honesty. Allowing such thoughts to linger too long would only paralyze me, trapping me in the belief that it was somehow pathetic for the classroom teacher to be the one struggling the most.

Time and again I witnessed the profound effect of my honesty. It took a few classes, but eventually they began to respond. Many expressed their appreciation and how freeing it was to hear someone else speak openly about their struggles, shattering their sense of isolation. It was a powerful reminder of the deep connection that vulnerability fosters among us.

As the classes progressed, more and more mothers began to share glimpses of their lives. It was a beautiful transformation to witness - the walls of facade crumbling and genuine authenticity shining through.

Untruths lose their power when you courageously confront them and bring them into the light of awareness. In the warmth and brightness of openness, their power quickly diminishes, fading like shadows in the presence of daylight. Taking bold steps forward to acknowledge and address these lies is the first path to freedom and clarity.

Navigating these first steps can indeed feel overwhelming. Consider taking the list of seven lies you believe about yourself and presenting it to God. Ask Him to replace each lie with His truth for you. Create a second column, larger and in bold letters, in which you write the truth while crossing out the lie.

Certain lies can be incredibly resilient, often rooted in our childhood experiences. These have been reinforced over and over again during our formative years, becoming like a familiar and comforting garment that we wear. Despite their lack of security, we often cling to them out of familiarity, finding comfort in what we know rather than questioning their validity.

We all carry these words like a badge, sometimes prominently displayed, while other times we strive to conceal them so that no one discovers. Perhaps we've even convinced ourselves that they've disappeared.

If you find yourself unable to accept the truth or shake off the identity that's been imposed on you, it's important to process these feelings with a trusted confidant. This step can help you embrace motherhood with a sense of freedom. Remember that you are not alone in this struggle. We are all fighting the same battle. It's time we encouraged each other more openly and stopped pretending to ourselves and others. Let's strive for more transparency and honesty.

In my experience, we often meet people for an inner healing session who have experienced trauma or are in desperate need of help. They often feel broken and isolated, believing they are the only ones dealing with their struggles. My response is usually a reminder: I've never met anyone who hasn't needed greater freedom. After all, we all carry burdens in one form or another.

I have been carrying them for years and didn't realize it, now that I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good and how beautifully and kindly He is taking me step by step, I try not to miss any opportunity for freedom, it is a process, and it takes time, but it’s worth to take these steps out because what awaits you on the other side is simply glorious.

If we can help you in any way, please let us know, we'd love to support you with an inner healing session or mentoring.