How to stop Sibling Rivalry

You probably clicked on this post quickly, and let's face it, if you're a parent with two or more kids past the baby stage, this situation is probably a regular occurrence for you. Juggling the demands of multiple children can often feel like navigating a never-ending maze of challenges.

Sibling rivalry as in fighting, pulling hair, kicking, pushing, taking toys, or breaking them, running ahead, scratching, calling each other names, yelling, spitting, ignoring, making fun, teasing, lying, ... The list seems endless, doesn't it? Did I miss anything?

Nurturing a strong family bond and fostering deep sibling friendships has always been a family goal for us. From the beginning, we wrote down our values in faith. But as time passed and our vision didn't materialize as quickly as we had hoped, we faced moments of doubt and uncertainty. But through these challenging times, we refused to give up. Instead, we realized that building lasting family bonds is a journey that takes years and requires patience, perseverance, and above all, prayer.

We understood that strengthening the ties that bind us would require dedication and intentional effort. It wasn't just about waiting for miracles to happen; it was about actively cultivating an environment where love and unity could flourish. And so, with faith as our compass, we forged ahead, trusting that each prayer uttered would bring us one step closer to the vision we held dear.

You know, we've been through a lot of ups and downs, especially with certain sibling relationships. It's been hard, and frankly, I could check off most of the acts mentioned above. We've been there, done that, and haven't seen much improvement. I bring this up because I know how easy it is to look at someone's situation and think, "they have it so much easier.” But here's the thing: our kids, your kids, they're normal. We're all in the same boat. We're all trying to figure this whole parenting thing out as we go along. And you know what? That's okay. Because we have this incredible opportunity to lead and guide them through it all. 

Don't loose your goal over the the bumpy road. 

It's a common scenario, isn't it? We find ourselves complaining about something, but haven't even taken the time to pray about it. I know I've been guilty of this.

We go on and on about it with our spouse, our family, and friends or mom's group we come across, but we haven't really laid it at God's feet. Maybe we've mumbled a quick prayer like, "Please let them stop fighting," but have we really interceded for their friendship, for the atmosphere in our home, for the underlying frustrations, or for peace to reign? It's worth thinking about.

Let’s do it now. 

What are you most frustrated about in the interaction with your kids?

List them and lay your list at the feet of Jesus.

After more than 17 years of working with parents, one phenomenon I've seen time and time again is our tendency to look for quick fixes. We want someone to tell us what to do, or better yet, provide a step-by-step guide that we can easily follow. Some of us would prefer a magic pill (or all of us?) or jokingly offer to leave our kids with someone else for a few years (yes, I have received this offer more than once, always with a great deal of humor, but also with a hint of genuine frustration).

Now, I'm not saying this to be judgmental; it's just that we often prefer to take the path of least resistance. As a young mother, I could totally relate to that. But let me tell you a secret. After 19 years of raising our three wonderful, children-with all of their unique challenges and incredible joys-I can tell you that the no-miracle-pill route is far more rewarding. Trust me, even if you can't see it right now, try to hear me out. A pill won't do anything for your connection with them, nor for yourself as a mom. Because believe me, parenting starts with us, and let me tell you, I still feel the weight of that truth most days.

A pill, a guidebook, or even a 24/7 mentor on speed dial can never compare to the guidance of God leading you step by step on this journey. So don't rush. Instead, strive to be fully present in the here and now. Your current situation is where you truly exist, not in the future or the past. Embrace the moment and allow God's guidance to reveal your path forward.

Pause for a moment and consider: What blessings are your children bringing into your life right now? Take the time to make a list for each one, acknowledging the unique gifts they offer. Then begin to give thanks to the One who has entrusted you with these precious treasures.

This passage from Philippians 4:6-7 is a powerful reminder: "In everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Now that we've reflected on both challenges and blessings, let's focus on prayer and petition.

Petition, also known as supplication or in the Greek, δέησις (deésis), involves asking or imploring with heartfelt passion and desire. It's a distinctive way of seeking God, signifying a deep hunger and fervent passion for His intervention.

Interceding for our children is a divine mandate entrusted to us. As you review the list of challenges you face, prioritize prayer over worry or excessive discussion about them. That's not to say you can't share your struggles with trusted friends-indeed, having a support system can be invaluable-but be careful not to let these challenges consume you. Instead, seek out those who can pray with you and amplify your requests with their own heartfelt intercessions. 

This is not a one-time event, but go into your child's room while they are in kindergarten or school and pray for their room, their dreams, their sibling relationship. Ask Holy Spirit prophetically what to say, worship, and if you get a sense of something that shouldn't be there, He may direct you to an object or just a thought. Let go of anything that has come in, emotions because of relationships, frustrations, hurts, words, anything. Let the mighty blood of Jesus cover it.

If you have never anointed their rooms with oil, do so, and while you are at it, anoint your entire apartment or house.

Pray over them when you feel Holy Spirit's nudge, go into their room while they are sleeping and pray, ask Holy Spirit to awaken your spiritual senses to pray whenever it's needed.

If you notice any shifts such as increased fights, frustration, or a sense of disunity, take action and pray. Prayer is the most powerful weapon you can wield in such circumstances.

Yes there are ways to foster a strong family identity and we will look into that in our next Blog Post, but I couldn’t have written the other one, if this one wasn’t first. 

This is not just an instructional guide, but an invitation into His presence, urging us to be connected and aware of what is happening in the spiritual realm. Arise, Mother; arise, Father; there is more unfolding than meets the eye. Let's not remain oblivious to this reality, but rather reclaim authority in our own homes.

Let us refuse to be passive victims of circumstance, but rather take up the weapon of spiritual warfare in our families and with our children. So, how do you deal with any challenges first? Pray. Ask God for revelation, for His peace, and for guidance.

He has chosen you and me to be His children, with Holy Spirit as our guide. He entrusts people to encourage us along the way, but never in place of Him. Our first priority must always be to seek Him. Those who encourage us should be directing us to Him rather than centering us on themselves.