Children Are Not a Distraction

I love this quote and have been reading it over and over again for many years now. It's such a powerful reminder:

"Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work. - Dr. John Trainer

You might think, isn't that obvious? In theory, we would all agree 100%, right? But let's dig deeper. It's not about what we know, it's about what we practice. What are the results of our actions?

Let's look at it from another perspective. You just had that precious baby, and suddenly it's not so easy to go to the gym or out to dinner. Even taking a shower feels like a long-lost freedom. You may start throwing out the well-meaning baby routine your friend suggested, trying to keep your life going with as little interruption as possible. Some phases are more challenging, and finding a new routine takes time. Rarely is it instant. Believe me, this is a season, it doesn't last forever. But remember that what seems most important now may not be when your baby is suffering from lack of sleep or routine because you're carrying them everywhere and don't want to miss a thing.

I'm not talking about skipping the gym or neglecting time for yourself - YES, take that shower. But if the focus remains on what we need to do right now, you can find that your baby becomes a distraction from what is truly more important to you.

You will eventually be able to go to the gym again. In the meantime, you may have to exercise at home until you find someone to help you care for the baby. But rest assured, it will happen.

Feeding your baby solids can feel like a never-ending task. You have to stay with them because they usually don't eat quickly, and you're constantly trying to encourage them while minimizing distractions. The aftermath takes time to clean up, so the temptation to pull out your phone and check your socials or reply to friends is strong. It feels like you're just trying to speed things up so you can get to the more important tasks.

Your toddler is starting to walk, put his fingers in electrical sockets, and pull things off the coffee table. This requires your full attention to teach them the new boundaries of "no" and "yes. You can't teach them effectively by flipping through a magazine or cooking dinner; it requires you to be present and attentive. These moments can feel empty because you can't get to the many things you need do in the meantime.

Then there's your preschooler who has started lying. You may wish they could take a magic truth pill to get back on track quickly and not be a distraction to everyone because correcting their behavior takes a lot of time and energy.

Or your daughter starts throwing stones at another girl at the park after you've already warned her that you would leave if she continued. Now, you have to be consistent and follow through, even though you don't want to, especially since you've planned this playdate with your friend for weeks. You sincerely hope that with each warning, she'll decide to stop, because cutting off this rare social time is the last thing you plan to do.

All of these scenarios illustrate the everyday, time-consuming tasks that can sometimes derail our carefully planned days. But these moments are all opportunities. They are not distractions from the more important work; they are your most important work.

I usually look at it this way: I worked in corporate for many years and didn’t have the freedom to go for coffee with a friend or do housework during the day. That perspective helps me view my kids as my most important job, one that requires the same dedication and focus. Just as I would spend 8 hours at the office, I need to approach parenting with a similar mindset. Meeting a friend or running errands becomes a bonus, but I bring my job—parenting—along with me. If my son has a meltdown, I need to address it, not just hope he gets over it quickly so I can resume my conversation. Treating parenting with this level of importance helps me stay present and prioritize my children's needs, just as I would in any professional role.

Often, parents apologize when their child acts out during our conversations, and I completely understand because I've been there myself. I encourage them by saying, "You brought your most important work along with you. Taking care of them is your priority, and we can get back to our conversation once they're settled.” It is perfectly fine to step away and take care of the issue.

Getting into a routine with your baby is an opportunity to observe their sleep-eat-wake cycle. Feeding your child offers countless moments to interact, smile, and encourage them. Watching your toddler take their first steps provides precious time to teach them along the way. When your preschooler starts to lie, it often happens at the most inconvenient times. You might not have the time to deal with it, but these moments require us to make time, as they are opportunities to teach about truth.

In every phase, with every challenge that arises, try to take a moment to reflect on your current state. Are you frustrated because your expectations for the day have been interrupted and you wanted to take care of other things, or are you embracing the opportunity presented to you? While we never choose these moments, our attitude determines whether we simply apply a bandage or take the time to truly teach them. Be aware that the latter requires a significant investment of time, but bears so much more fruit.

Repeat after me: “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”

You may understand now why I had to repeat it many times to myself. Like you, I don’t naturally embrace those challenging times with joy, but I have learned that during the most difficult seasons when I was teaching my child life lessons that seemed to fall on barren ground at the moment I reminded myself that this is my mission. I will need to give an account of how I raised my children and the gifts that came straight from the Creator Himself. They are arrows that will be shot into the next generation with precision on a mission.

This is where I invest my time. I don’t want to be known for having time for everyone else and being kind to them but neglecting my own children.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of being overwhelmed by your job, your mission, and your surroundings when your first mission is to your family. Everything else will flow from that.

And yes, it is okay to say no to other things. Set boundaries for the health of your family, ensuring you treat your most important job with the respect it deserves.

It takes courageous steps forward, and you might feel lonely at times because not everyone shares your zeal. But that's okay. Put your actions where your words are.

We will look at ways you can organize your day to find those pockets of time for household duties and, yes, also enjoy a cup of hot coffee on your own. But first, I wanted to address this. Getting our priorities right. Think about why you are frustrated with your child or children, is it because of an expectation that places something else above your child? And that is by no means saying that your children are gods. Not at all. Priorities remain, God, your spouse, your children, and then the other things.

God is still first, it’s not about elevating your children to little kings and queens at all, but about letting God examine your heart.

Nowadays, there is a lot of pressure on mom and dad to be everything and look beautiful at the same time. Take that burden off, because it's not from God, we're not supposed to appear in any way, but to have our heart right before Him.

It's not about the many things we do.

I leave you with Mark 9:37: Whoever welcomes a little child in my name welcomes me. And whoever welcomes me welcomes not only me but also the one who sent me.