Why Body Acceptance Matters
This may not seem like a parenting topic at first glance, but let me explain. For example, if we constantly tell our children how cute, smart, athletic, and strong they are, but criticize ourselves in the mirror every day, they will have a hard time accepting these positive qualities for themselves. This is because their most important figures are their mom and dad, and every child sees their parents as most beautiful or handsome.
Consider statements like, "I'm stupid," "I can't do this," or criticisms of our own body, such as "My calves/thighs/stomach/cheeks/toes are too big or small or crooked or weird— fill in the blank. If you are constantly trying a new diet or running to the gym, these activities are not inherently bad, but they can reflect a negative body image, especially if voiced openly. Or you might be an emotional eater, consuming food—usually comfort food—in response to feelings of stress rather than physical hunger.
Often these behaviors have roots in childhood. If you use food to comfort your child in sad moments, reward him for success, or keep him occupied with snacks when he's bored, be aware of these patterns. Especially if they become habitual, they can lead to an association between food and emotional comfort.
Research has shown that dieting behavior and emotional eating does not just affect the individual; it also impacts their children, particularly their daughters' body image, health, and well-being, sometimes as early as preschool years.
Science Direct's investigation into maternal food intake and food talk as predictors of child food intake states: "Instead, the most robust predictor of children's food intake during this protocol was the amount of food that mothers ate while sitting with their children. These findings emphasize the importance of modeling healthy eating through action and have implications for designing interventions to provide parents with more effective tools to promote their children's healthy eating." LINK
Combine that with the powerful influence of social media and other cultural influences on body ideals, and you have a negative cocktail. We are dealing with eating disorders and obesity that are often established in the formative years at home.
I recently spoke with a friend whose daughter was struggling with anorexia. During meals, if the mother didn't eat a certain food or skipped dessert or ice cream, her daughter would immediately notice and comment. It was important for the mother to maintain a balanced approach to eating because her daughter was watching her closely and needed a consistent, positive example during her healing journey.
What can we do to change the course not only for our family, but for future generations?
If you're struggling with any of the above, know that there is hope to break free and not pass it on to the next generation. It starts with you. Once again, we are the ultimate role models for our children.
I always tell mothers of girls how important it is to promote a healthy body image. What shapes girls first? The atmosphere at home. We women are not necessarily champions of being happy with the way we look. We constantly find something we do not like, feel ashamed of certain body traits, or just think they are ugly. When complimented, we quickly point out our flaws. Naturally, we are not very content with the way we look, but truth be told, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we are made in His image.
Wow, just let that sink in. Repeat it, hang it on your mirror, read it to yourselves continuously.
Let's take time now to examine and consider the words and thoughts we express about ourselves. It's not always the spoken word; even our thoughts affect the atmosphere about us, our family, positively or negatively.
It is important to understand that the roots of our body image often go back to early childhood. Our conscious view of our bodies is shaped by various experiences and interactions that leave lasting impressions: abuse, mistreatment, neglect. How we perceive our bodies is closely related to how we feel loved and supported.
Our body image significantly influences the nature of our relationships and interactions:
With others: If I feel unattractive, I may act accordingly, devaluing myself and neglecting self-care.
Communication: Nonverbal cues are essential and revealing. My posture, gestures, and facial expressions convey how I perceive myself.
Valuing relationships: Negative self-image can lead to misinterpreting others' comments, feeling rejected, or not being able to accept compliments. For example, hearing "you look good" may be mistaken for "she thinks I'm fat.
Sexuality in marriage: How we view our bodies also impacts our sexual relationships within marriage significantly. Are we able to be fully seen, or does it need to be pitch black, with your shirts on at all times?
In sum, our body image, shaped by early experiences, profoundly affects our self-worth, relationships, and overall well-being, and then also influences our children. We are often so caught up in our own history that we barely recognize its impact on the next generation. When we do, feelings of shame and judgment quickly follow, which paralyzes us even more, and the cycle continues. Thank God there is a better way.
Our body image is closely tied to our personal history, reflecting unconscious memories and emotional experiences with ourselves and others. It's also influenced by what parents, family, teachers, and friends say about us.
You might have heard your dad call you chubby, not intending to be mean, but it stuck with you. Or maybe your grandmother refused to give you dessert because of your weight. Even remarks from teachers or friends while playing sports can leave painful scars.
Pain and illness can be manifestations of suffering rooted in our past experiences. Our bodies often try to communicate underlying issues through symptoms such as aches, sickness, and allergies, signaling that something isn't right.
We are invited to reconcile with our bodies in order to heal and restore ourselves, as well as our children and theirs.
If you're finding this challenging, consider these questions. Even if you feel you're coping well, hidden underlying issues may be so ingrained that you don't recognize their impact on your well-being. Ask Holy Spirit, don’t try to answer these questions on your own, sit with Him.
Am I angry with my body?
Do I harbor resentment towards my physical appearance?
Do I feel frustrated because my body isn't meeting certain expectations?
Am I troubled by perceived flaws or struggling with a physical handicap?
Why am I angry?
What is the root of my anger, frustration or resentment?
What is the lie I am believing about myself?
Address each root one by one and bring it to Him. Forgive those who may have helped you believe the lie or contributed to it, including possibly yourself.
Please don’t rush this process; it will take time, especially if the Holy Spirit is revealing many issues. But often, He addresses them one by one. Be patient, stay committed to the process, and pick it up again as needed.
I Renounce and break all curses spoken over my body. I cut the power of these words from every part of my being. I dismantle all effects and consequences in the name of Jesus. Lord Jesus, cleanse me with Your precious blood. I choose to be reconciled with my body today.
You can go through this process on your own, but if you sense a need for additional support, consider reaching out to a trusted spiritual mentor.
Holy Spirit what do you want to tell me about my body?
What is the truth?
How do you see me?
Declare the truth you’ve received about your body:
I am beautiful, and my body is strong.
Jesus, grant me a new perspective on my body. Unite my body, soul, and spirit in Your divine order
How can I better take care of my body?
I know this is not an easy read or an easy exercise, but God is with you. Begin to declare the truths over yourself daily and walk in them. Take care of your body, be mindful of your thoughts and words.
Perhaps He has revealed hidden traumas that have made you shockingly aware of how poorly you treat your body or how toxic your thoughts and words about it are. Know that He always reveals for your freedom and healing.
If you need additional support, we'd love to walk with you on your journey.