How to Prevent Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is a common topic in parenting discussions, and while we often focus on its negative aspects, it’s important to recognize the positive side as well. Recently, our children returned from an extraordinary camp that they attend every year. The unity in their group, the positive role modeling, and the encouragement to strive for excellence were truly inspiring. They spent time reading the Bible, attending church together, and supporting one another in their growth. It’s a beautiful example of how positive peer influence can shape and uplift our children. This experience highlights how impactful the company you keep is. As a Spanish proverb says, "Dime con quién andas, y te diré quién eres" (Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are). This sentiment echoes Proverbs 13:20: "He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer." Peers who encourage you to study together and support one another, who are kind, loyal, forgiving, inspire others to adopt the same positive behaviors.
As parents, an important question we should ask ourselves is: Do we really know our children’s friends? Are we aware of who they’re spending most of their time with?
We'll get into that a little bit later, but I understand that when we talk about peer pressure, the focus is often on the negative side. Our concerns are shaped by our fears, stories from friends with teenagers, and what we see in the media. But it's important to realize that peer pressure isn't always bad; it can be a force for good, motivating our kids to aim high and develop positive habits.
I'm well aware that you clicked on this post because you're probably looking for support in dealing with negative peer pressure. Let's back up a bit. The issue often begins well before your child reaches 8, 10, or 12. First, we’ll focus on building a solid foundation to prevent peer pressure. In our next post we’ll address strategies for managing and rebuilding trust if you’re already facing challenges.
You may have heard that peer pressure is only as strong as the weakness of the family unit. This can be encouraging for parents of young children, but for those already dealing with intense peer pressure, it can be unsettling-especially if you feel like you're losing control.
I've seen many parents who believe their family is strong, only to discover that their children have a different perspective. It’s easy to be in the dark, thinking everything is fine when it might not be. Each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. You may find yourself connecting easily with your middle daughter because you share the same love language, making her feel safe and loved. But what about your other children? Are their emotional needs being met in the same way?
Let’s look at ways to strengthen families.
Family identity
Don’t underestimate the power of family identity. Research shows that children who feel accepted by their parents enjoy a stronger, more secure relationship with them, a deeper sense of family connectedness, higher self-esteem, and fewer psychosocial challenges like anxiety and depression (Ansari & Qureshi, 2013; Dwairy, 2010).
We’ve all heard it before: children want to belong. If they don't find that sense of belonging at home, they'll search for it elsewhere—in cliques, or even gangs. Many say, "Here, I felt loved, understood, and like I had a family." Even if the environment didn’t seem safe from the outside, the feeling of being supported was what mattered most to them.
So working toward a strong loving environment where everyone feels accepted, appreciated and safe is an essential task early on. What are ways we can strengthen that?
Build your family on the Rock, Jesus Christ. Create an environment where looking to God as your ultimate source is normal and a daily habit.
The presence of mom and dad is of immense importance. Children feel and recognize the connection that comes from mom and dad being actively involved in their lives.
Make family meals a priority—they are a wonderful opportunity to create memories and engage in meaningful conversations.
Plan weekly Family Nights and treat them with the same importance as any critical meeting. Make them a priority in your schedule. If your children are old enough, involve them in planning the evening to foster their engagement and excitement.
Family Traditions Take Priority: We believe that family traditions play a crucial role in preserving your family’s history. They offer a sense of security and belonging, creating lasting memories and reinforcing your family’s unique identity.
Strong Community means connecting with other families who share similar interests and values. It embodies the spirit of “one for all, and all for one,” fostering mutual support and a sense of togetherness.
Make It Fun, a strong family thrives on joy and laughter, transforming everyday moments into celebrations. Host impromptu dance parties in the living room, surprise your family with spontaneous ice cream trips, enjoy funny movies, share jokes, or embrace the silly side of life. Get creative and be spontaneous—let the fun flow and strengthen your family bond!
These are some ways to strengthen your family identity over the years. There are many more, and I'm sure you have your own creative ideas to contribute!
Reactions
Work on how you react when your child shares something with you. Whether they’ve seen explicit content on a classmate’s phone, taken something from a store, or expressed reluctance about going to university, they’re opening up their hearts to you without warning. It’s crucial to be attentive, to pause before reacting impulsively, and to think about how your response will affect their willingness to share in the future.
Consider whether your response will encourage your child to come back to you in similar situations. These moments are more impactful than we may realize, and how we respond can have a significant impact on their trust and openness.
Will we create a safe environment where they can share everything? On paper this looks so much easier than in reality, believe me, if you haven’t been there yet, it is delicate.
Here is a powerful prayer I often turn to from Psalm 141:3: "Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." This verse is especially relevant for parents. We sometimes speak too quickly, say too much, or try to control situations with our words. Repeatedly, this can damage trust and signal to our children that we are not entirely trustworthy. When they encounter people or situations that don’t align with our family values, they may not feel comfortable sharing their experiences with us.
So, how would you respond if they did? Prepare yourself now by being intentional about your reactions, even while your child is still small. Pray this verse with me to help guard your words and strengthen your relationship with your child.
Who is Raising Your Child?
It does make a difference who is with your child most.
I know that today it's often encouraged to have our children cared for by nurseries or nannies while we focus on our careers. It's as if taking care of your child is not considered a legitimate job unless you are a nanny. I was surprised when I decided to stay home and care for my own children. This triggered reactions from those around me, with questions like, 'Aren't you bored?' So, does that mean all nannies and childcare providers should be bored? People implied that I was sacrificing my future career prospects and promotions, and worried that I might never find a job again. This made me think deeply about whether I really believed that God was my provider - not just in theory, like singing and reading the Bible, but in everyday life.
I understand that this is a sensitive topic for many, and I'm not advocating any particular choice because some of you may rely on your jobs for financial stability. However, it's important to recognize that having children often requires sacrifice. Your financial lifestyle doesn't have to expand every year - who says it does? Children are a blessing and will enrich your family. We have faced tough decisions ourselves, including a period when I was earning more than my husband. Despite this, we felt it was the right choice for our family for me to leave my job. My encouragement to you is to seek Holy Spirit's guidance in your own situation and follow His lead. Trust that He will always provide.
Here’s a quick exercise to understand your family's dynamics and the influences on your child:
Create Two Lists:
List 1: Name the people (such as teachers, friends, coaches, and youth leaders) who spend the most time with your child each week.
List 2: Document the amount of screen time your child has weekly, including time spent on smartphones, computers, games, TV, and movies.
Calculate and Compare:
Total the hours per week that each person or device spends with your child.
Review the two totals to see how many hours your child is influenced by people or devices that align with your values versus those that don’t.
Evaluate the Influence:
Determine the percentage of time your child is exposed to influences that share your values compared to those that don’t. For example, is it 50:50, 30:70, or another ratio?
Reflect and Adjust:
If you find significant influences that don't align with your values, consider ways to reduce or eliminate them.
This exercise is likely to be an eye-opener, revealing sources of influence in your child's life that you may not have fully recognized. Assessing and balancing these is an important step. In addition, consider repeating this exercise every few years to keep track of changes.
If you're feeling overwhelmed or discouraged as you read this post and reflect on past parenting mistakes-especially if you're currently dealing with teens who may be negatively influenced by their peers-don't worry. In next week's post, I'll address these challenges and offer guidance and support to help you. For now, remember that there is hope. We've all made mistakes, but fortunately, God is a miracle worker, and prayer is a powerful weapon.