How to Fight Peer Pressure

When children are young, their primary source of approval comes from their parents. They look to them for affirmation, support, and guidance. However, as they approach the age of 12, a shift occurs. Suddenly, their focus turns outward, and the opinions of their peers begin to matter more. During this critical stage of development, some children often experience an intense fear of rejection, isolation, or not fitting in with their peer group.

This need to be accepted can grow overwhelming for young adolescents. The pressure to "fit in" can become a powerful motivator, sometimes leading them to engage in risky or inappropriate behaviors just to be accepted. Whether changing their appearance, adopting new habits, or engaging in activities that go against their family's values, the need to fit in can lead them down a path that is not who they are.

Last week, we shared a post about how to prevent peer pressure, and if you haven't read it yet, be sure to check it out [here]. But we know that sometimes prevention isn't enough, especially if your child is already feeling the full effects of peer pressure. That's why we promised a follow-up! When your child is caught up in the pressures of his or her social circle, you may feel overwhelmed and even guilty for not acting sooner. But don't worry there is hope, and it's never too late to help your child overcome these challenges.

Trying to control your teen is usually an automatic response, but a very bad one. Controlling and attempting to set unreasonable boundaries out of fear at this age, can have serious sometimes lasting effects on your relationship with him and not only that often, but also push them closer to their friends as they do not feel safe at home and embrace their new family of friends.

That's what you often hear, peer pressure and giving in to something else usually come from a lack of belonging. 

Therefore, we wrote the first blog, which even if you already have teenagers who are struggling with peer pressure, you should read, because if you haven't had family nights or you haven't intentionally strengthened your family identity over the years, you can still do it, it will look a little different because you can't force them to attend, but you can create a space, involve them in the organization, and invite them every week and let them know how much you would love them to be a part of it.

But let's look at some additional helpful tips.

Sit with God

As parents, we often feel overwhelmed by the many mistakes we've made, missed opportunities, unforgiveness, and more. It's there, under the surface, sneaking up the minute our child acts out, or in this case, maybe feels tempted to join a group that goes against your family values. But do we take the time to dissect these feelings with God? Do we go deeper with Him, sit with Him, and let Him reveal everything we're feeling, including the lies we may have begun to believe about not being a good mother or father, or the forgiveness we need?

This is a time for deep healing that you can't just skip over because it will affect your relationship with your child, not just in the natural, but in the supernatural. When you release forgiveness to yourself, ask God to forgive you, and then turn to your child to ask for forgiveness, it creates a powerful dynamic that we often don't fully understand. The Bible instructs us to "Admit your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed, for the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (James 5:16). This is such a powerful verse that we often don't understand it in its fullness, could it be that healing is not only physical but also relational, the healing of the brokenhearted?

Listening to the Holy Spirit and taking these steps of reconciliation will go a long way in restoring your relationship with your teenager and then working effectively to rebuild your family identity.

Pray continuously 

Then sit with the Holy Spirit and seek wisdom for your situation with your child. Ask for a word or verse to speak over them. When they're at school, go to their room and declare this word over them in their space. Praying more than you talk is a powerful practice. So often we think of prayer as a last resort, but we don't realize the true depth of its force. Prayer is truly powerful and effective (James 5:16), while nagging and controlling do the opposite and push our children further away. Prayer, however, is transformational.

Pray bold and confident prayers. Speak life into your child and prophetically declare who God has called them to be.

Listen attentively
Many parents express frustration when their children don't talk to them, but when they do, it's critical that we make time, create space, and be fully present. Give them your undivided attention because if we don't, they may not come to us again. Resist the urge to interrupt, even if what they're sharing is upsetting, like hearing about a friend offering them drugs, cigarettes, or parties with alcohol.

This can be really hard, and I get it. If you're like me, you might want to jump in and say something right away, but they need to feel safe with that they can talk about anything without fear of being shut down. You're their safe place, just like you were when they were little.

If you need to stop and think, it's okay to say, "I hear you, and I'm so glad you came to see me. I just need a few minutes to think about how best to respond or help you. Parents don't need answers immediately. The important thing is that you come back to your child and address their concerns so they know you're there for them.

Conversations

If there's no conflict, take the opportunity to casually talk about what's important in choosing friends. Share your own experiences, perhaps a story from when you were their age. It helps them see that you've been through similar things without feeling judged. Just be careful that it doesn't seem like you're using the moment to lecture or revisit something you've argued about before your teen may feel cornered, and that can shut down communication.

If they seem reluctant or uncomfortable talking about it, don't push. Shift the conversation to another topic they're more open to discussing. The goal is to keep the lines of communication open and create a space where they feel comfortable sharing without pressure or fear of being judged. Sometimes the most important lessons are learned when the conversation feels natural, not forced.

Be involved

Get to know your child's friends by creating opportunities to have them over for something fun. A great way to do this is to have a homemade pizza night or a seasonal baking followed by a game or movie night. Be aware of how much involvement your child wants from you-they probably don't want you hanging around the whole time. However, having their friends in your home gives you a chance to observe and get to know them better.

Be creative and think of activities they would actually enjoy and want to participate in, but don't try to manipulate or force them. Instead, simply extend the invitation and allow them to feel comfortable with the idea. The key is to create a fun and relaxed atmosphere where they feel welcome and you can naturally connect with their social circle without going too far.

Set family rules 

Talk with your spouse, or a trusted friend if you're a single parent, about setting family rules that reflect your values and help strengthen your family. It's important to have guidelines that everyone understands and that reinforce what's most important to your family.

A good place to start is by committing to having dinner together as often as possible. Gathering around the table has many benefits: it strengthens family bonds, improves communication, fosters a healthy relationship with food, and more. Make sure everyone knows what's expected, such as when dinner starts and that it's a screen-free time. Setting clear limits on screen time, especially during meals, can have a huge positive impact on the health of your family dynamic.

If you haven't already, set chores for each family member. Having everyone pitch in not only teaches responsibility but also reinforces the idea that everyone plays a role in making the household run smoothly. This shared responsibility helps strengthen the family unit by creating a sense of teamwork and mutual respect.

Life-giving words

Shower your teenager with life-giving words that celebrate not only their accomplishments, but also the virtues and positive qualities you see in them. During the teen years, it's easy to fall into a pattern of nagging or criticism, but it's important to balance that with encouragement and praise. Bite your tongue when necessary and focus on creating a home atmosphere filled with life and positivity, which is essential for the health of your family.

This doesn't mean you should shy away from difficult conversations or avoid tackling tough issues. But if your teen knows that you're proud of them, that you have their back, and that your love is unconditional, those tougher conversations will be easier. They'll be more receptive because they'll feel secure in the knowledge that nothing can break the bond you share. Creating this atmosphere of unconditional love will help your teen navigate these formative years with confidence and trust.

Teach them that saying no is ok

Teach your child to stop and think before making decisions and help them understand the importance of considering the consequences of their actions. Encourage them to consider both the short- and long-term effects of their choices.

A helpful way to introduce these concepts is through movies or documentaries that deal with issues such as bullying, peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, or pornography. Because these issues are presented in a context that doesn't directly affect them, your child can observe the situations from a distance and reflect on the outcomes without feeling personally targeted. This can open up meaningful discussions and give them valuable tools for dealing with similar challenges in their own lives.

Seek Help 

Sometimes both we and our children need the extra support of a professional to deal with challenges such as peer pressure and related issues. It's important to teach our children that there's no shame in seeking help-everyone has things they need to work through. Just as we've faced and overcome obstacles, they will have their journey of growth and healing.

The sooner they begin to address these issues, the better. Taking this bold and intentional step can be not only helpful but transformative for their lives. Professional support can provide them with the tools and guidance they need to build resilience and navigate difficult situations with confidence, building a strong foundation for their future.

We teach our children that the bravest thing to do is to ask for help when we need someone to walk alongside us or when we need accountability. We talked often about our journey and let them know that we are all growing.

Be the parent they need in this situation. God is your powerful help and guide every step of the way, don't try to do it alone!