Put Your Phone Away
Ok, stay with me. I know you might have clicked on this because you thought it was about your child or teenager, or maybe you wanted to prepare for when this becomes an issue with your baby or toddler.
Continue reading, it’s about you—yes, you and me. But technically, I don’t have a phone, so it’s more about you. STAY!
I had my first child 19 years ago. The first true smartphone, IBM's Simon, emerged in 1992 and introduced new concepts like touchscreens and downloadable apps. Honestly, I hadn’t really heard about it, probably due to its hefty $899 price tag. However, Apple’s iPhone in 2007 marked the real turning point that made smartphones mainstream. Our oldest was then two years old. I didn’t grow up with a smartphone; frankly, it wasn’t a thing. Back then, not having a cord on our home phone and being able to talk for hours in our room was special.
Going out meant no phone, no way to contact anyone, and yes, we survived. Ok, there was the pay phone plastered everywhere in the cities, but we hardly used them.
I never chose to get a smartphone when they first came out. Back then, paying $499 for a phone was unheard of. Now, with the latest iPhone 14 Pro Max costing $1,299 and the regular iPhone 14 at $999, we've come a long way.
I had my little Nokia phone for years. By the time smartphones became popular around 2011, we already had three children: my eldest was 6, my daughter was 4, and my baby was 2 years old.
I made a conscious decision not to be the mom on the phone, so I didn’t get a smartphone. Thirteen years ago, the "mom on the phone" looked very different from today.
There’s a saying I hold close to my heart: "I don’t want to regret something I can change today." I was perfectly content with my little old-fashioned Nokia phone and didn’t want to trade it for more connectivity but less connection with my kids.
Being outside, I rarely made phone calls, and texting was a challenge, remember? So, I minimized that too.
Fast forward to 2019, when we left to manage a rest center on the smallest inhabited island of the Grenadines, I decided to ditch my Nokia altogether. I wondered how long I could survive without a phone. Now, five years later, I thrived on that tiny island without one and found I didn't need it. Even during the three years we lived in Barcelona, it worked.
I know this isn't for everyone, and I’m not trying to convince you to follow the same path. I’m not opposed to smartphones; my husband has had one for years, and my children each bought one after a certain age. But it’s not for me at the moment. Maybe the season will change, but I hope not because I love not being connected as soon as I leave home and be fully present in the environment I am in.
So, remember, the topic of this blog is "Put Your Phone Away." Why am I writing this? What really triggered it the other day, was seeing a young lady walking her dog. She was glued to her phone the entire time and didn’t pay much attention to her pet. I thought, "It has even caught up to the dogs." Isn’t it funny that after years of wanting to write a blog on this topic, it was a dog that finally triggered me to start, even though I consider myself more of a cat person?
I have seen the rapid rise of mothers and fathers taking their children out, but it's almost as if they are not really with them but with the many people on their little devices. Phone calls, news from all over the world, posting pictures of your amazing time with your child—but are you creating lasting memories? Why not film a reel, check your social media, watch Netflix, track your stocks, record voice messages, or indulge in your favorite pastime, whatever that might be for you?
This is NOT a shaming post, but rather an invitation to limit phone use around your children-it's something you can control and take seriously.
I have read through a couple of Q&A threads with parents, mostly moms, writing about how far out of hand their smartphone usage went and how ashamed they feel.
Phone addiction is real, and it’s scary. Too often when I’m out in public, I look around me to see everyone staring down at their screens. It makes me feel sad, especially if it’s moms and dads in the company with their kids. You can observe many times, that the child is longing for the attention of their parent which they hardly get. When did so many people stop enjoying the world around them? When did mom and dad not connect with their child? Even at school plays I observed parents glued to their phones, their children on stage looking for the parents and when they finally see them, you see their faces drop because the parent is on the phone.. again. Even when the play starts we choose that recording it and watching it through the device is so much more meaningful to be able to watch it again and send it to the entire family who couldn’t be apart instead of enjoying the present through our own eyes, waving to our child, locking eyes.
Technoference is the term used to describe intrusions and interruptions in face-to-face parent-child time, caused by phones and mobile devices. Don’t you just love these catchwords that shape an entire generation?
So thinking about your own life, breastfeeding, playing with your child, taking them for a walk, picking them up from school or bringing them, to the playground, at the dinner table .. how often do you reach for your phone?
Honestly, I know it can feel almost crazy not to take out our phones. Sometimes it's just that awkward moment when you're waiting for something, standing alone, and instead of being present, you reach for your phone. It's like we have to fill every moment with something.
There is another way and how you can go about to intentional limiting your time.
Sit with Holy Spirit
This is usually how I start to get a fresh perspective, sit with Holy Spirit, and ask Him about your smartphone usage. If you think he has nothing to say about it, try it.
Acknowledging it without making excuses is always the first step. Because after all most of us are no Medical Professionals or Emergency Responders that have to be 24/7 on call.
Ask Holy Spirit for support on this journey, He will be beside you every step of the way.
Also, He has the best ideas.
Some additional ones I got from trustworthy Google, my husband, my oldest child, and friends.
Gray setting
This is actually a tip I got from my son. After he showed me a photo of some friends on vacation, I was puzzled because the photo looked so bad and I knew they had an amazing phone that took great pictures.
My son explained me, that he on purpose set it to grey because it should reduce the dopamine hit and isn’t very attractive to stay on.
“In the case of a grayscale phone, users will find less gratification than when normally using their phone, as the colorless screen offers a less enjoyable experience (Holte & Ferraro, 2020).”
Deleting Social Media Apps
My husband has done this and many friends, they say this has helped a lot during the detox.
Put your phone away
When you are at home physically put your phone away. Usually, we bring it into every room with us, but that isn’t necessary, start leaving it in a room. but physically separating yourself from your phone keeps it out of hand and, more importantly, out of mind. If you carry your phone around glued to your body, the innovation of the phone chain, detach it from the string, and while out with the kids put it in the backpack or bag, this will keep you from constantly reaching for it.
Set limits
Make certain activities or times of day “phone on” or “phone free.” Phone-free times might include mealtimes, or playtime, or evenings between, say, 5-6 pm or the 2 hours before going to bed.
Turn off notification
Don’t tempt yourself just turn off the notification so you do not hear it every time you get a text or a like, don’t let your smartphone dictate your every move.
Don’t multitask
If you are meeting a friend, put your phone away, if you are watching a movie, put your phone away, if you are playing with your child, put your phone away.
In an interview I once heard that simply turning your phone upside down is not enough to honor the person you are with. It is still this omnipresent presence that could overtake time at any moment.
Course correct
If you notice yourself absorbed in your phone, gently (non-judgmentally) bring yourself back to the present moment. You can say to your kid: Oops! I was getting too distracted by my phone. I will put it away now, Mommy/Daddy is working on having a more healthy approach.
Ask your children
This may feel daunting, but how about asking your child what They think about your smartphone usage, and when they would like you to put it away? And even more scary could be asking your teenager. Just saying, try it.
My hope is always to guide my children toward a healthy phone-life balance. l want them to know that it’s possible to be connected to the world at large, document your life, and achieve tech-savviness without having a phone in your hand 24/7. I hope they come to view smartphones as tools that can make life easier without losing sight of the grander life beyond the screen. Especially in their Generation, this is something they will need to fight for and be absolutely intentional about it.
So put your phone away more often and enjoy the present moment, it will never come back. On the other hand, you will be able to check the weather, the news, your social media profile, or anything else you prefer also later.
I know people who have taken steps toward a healthier approach, feeling the freedom and joy that comes from not being tethered to this little device, but learning to enjoy the moment.
Give yourself, your marriage, and your children the gift of your time and full attention.