Have We Become Too Busy for Children?

Decades ago, when young girls were asked what they wanted to be, "Mom" was a common, heartfelt answer. But imagine asking the same question today - what answer would we hear if the answer was still mother. More often than not, it would be followed by, "Yes, but what do you really want to be?" as if that simple, beautiful answer isn’t enough anymore. It feels like the implication is clear: motherhood is unimportant work (though we wouldn’t say it outright)—after all, you’re too smart for that. That’s exactly how I felt when I shared my desire to quit my job after having my first child. Wasn’t my child a gift? Weren’t those formative years important? After all, they are called 'formative' for a reason.

Take a moment to think about how you’d respond if your daughter said she wanted to be a mom. As a parent, how would you truly feel? Would your heart swell, thinking, "What a beautiful answer," knowing she’s stepping into one of the greatest missions God has given us—to be fruitful and multiply? Or would you find yourself worrying, hoping she’ll find a "higher" calling, a career that aligns with society's definition of success? Be completely honest with yourself.

Historically, 'motherhood' wasn't considered a formal job or profession in the sense of a paid career, but it was undeniably seen as a vital role, especially within the home and family. In many societies, motherhood was highly valued, with women seen as the caretakers, nurturers and managers of the home. The idea that motherhood was a full-time commitment was widely accepted, even if it wasn't financially rewarded or officially recognised as a 'job'.

In earlier times, especially before the Industrial Revolution, the family unit operated more like a self-sustaining economy, and the mother's role was integral to its success. She contributed by raising children, running the household and supporting her husband in various ways.

The shift away came with social changes, particularly during the feminist movement, which emphasised women's liberation from domestic roles and advocated equal opportunities in the workplace. 

The feminist movement began with a focus on legal issues such as women's votes, property rights and access to education. Over time, its scope expanded to include workplace rights, reproductive freedom and social equality, advocating for contraception, sexual autonomy and  legal abortion. While the LGBTQ+ movement has different origins and focuses, both have increasingly converged, sharing goals of gender equality, personal autonomy and challenging traditional gender roles.

However, the modern feminist movement has also encouraged young women to prioritise promotions and pay rises, often at the expense of other important values. This pressure can make women feel inadequate if they choose motherhood.

In contrast to earlier eras when femininity was celebrated, the emphasis today is often on being a "strong, independent woman". But this label doesn't necessarily reflect true flourishing as a woman. While the hard work may bring pride, it's worth reflecting: have we really grown as women, or are we merely striving to become like men, losing sight of what makes us uniquely female? Arn’t we created to be different? Not infirior but different. 

I can relate well to the feeling of not fitting in when choosing to be a mom over a career. This is my personal story, and yours is unique to your own family. But not conforming to the world, surrendering to God—letting Him be the center of our family and decisions—is what we all need to do.

We used to have those friendship books at school where you’d write what you wanted to be when you grew up. I often left that part blank, but I wanted to write “mom,” knowing I was excited for the role, yet already sensing it wouldn’t get me the most approval.

When I went to business school and landed an internship at a private bank, I quickly climbed the ladder after finishing my education. But getting married at 21 raised plenty of eyebrows. It also led to countless “well-meaning” lunches with colleagues, who were eager to prevent me from what they viewed as the biggest mistake of my life. They didn’t understand my perspective, and I had to come to terms with that gap in understanding. I quickly realized that any well-intentioned explanations were often laced with the belief that I was too naïve to grasp the bigger picture. So, I smiled and replied, “Let’s talk in ten years.” Now we have been married for 24 years, investing daily into our vows. 

Five years later, as I awaited the arrival of my firstborn, I stood on the brink of my biggest promotion yet. Despite this exciting opportunity, I made the decision to turn it down. I had always known that I wanted to invest my time and energy fully into being present during those formative years, teaching my child, and embracing the role of a homemaker. 

I can relate to the many people who viewed my decision as foolish and downright disrespectful. Some women even tried to convince me that I was throwing away something they had fought hard for over the years. But it was simply my choice, and I never intended to pressure anyone to follow in my footsteps.

Was I not a “real” woman if I didn’t want to be strong and independent as society expects in today’s world? Where was my worth? I love being a woman, a wife, and a mother. Why should I try to be like a man? While these shifting notions have brought a lot of freedom for women, they have also taken away from us our unique role. Sometimes, it feels like the fight isn’t for women, but against the very identity that our Father in heaven has given us.

These mindsets have influenced our roles as mothers and fathers. Much of what we see today is increasingly centered on ourselves. Yet we were originally meant to care for others and love our children. Parenting isn’t about what makes us happy, but about learning sacrificial love. Have we lost the idea of sacrifice?

In a world that offers instant gratification, we have everything we want at our fingertips. With options like Prime for faster deliveries, and the ability to pay in installments or take out loans, eating whatever we want whenever we want it, it seems like getting what we want now is a right in the 21st century. This mindset doesn’t just affect us individually but also our role as mothers, where we often don’t get what we want immediately. Life as a mom is filled with many sacrificial decisions made for the health of our marriages, families, and children. Are we still ready to make them?

Birth rates have declined globally over the past few decades in many developed and some developing countries, leading to concerns about aging populations and the long-term economic and social impacts.

Are we too busy for children?

Over the past 50 years, the average age at which women have their first child has steadily increased in many parts of the world.

In the 1970s, women in many developed countries typically had their first child in their early twenties. The average age was around 21-24 years old. As of the 2020s, the average age for a woman to have her first child has risen to around 28-30 years in many developed countries. In some countries like Italy, Spain, and South Korea, the average age can be even higher, reaching 31-32 years.

The prime time for having babies, biologically speaking, is generally in a woman’s early to mid-20s, when fertility is at its highest and pregnancy risks are lower. Yet, many women today are delaying motherhood due to careers, meeting a partner later in life, or being hesitant to commit early on. Once we are ready, healthcare and fertility treatments now make it possible for many women to have children in their 30s and beyond. But having children then after often feels like an accessory you need too. Now you’ve got it all—your education, your career, your beautiful home, and the child that feels like the crowning jewel of your life. Even your husband, well, he’s here for now—a soulmate for the moment, fitting neatly into the picture you’ve built. You’re not looking to sacrifice anything; everything feels like it’s in its perfect place. Or is it? But children are not ment to make you more successful or happy, they are not adding to your identity, or care about your status. They are a priceless gift from the creator himself, His inheritance, do we really believe this timeless truth, while getting all the more important things done ahead of time?

Please, hear my heart—it’s not about whether you pursue a career or not, or about your ambitions. It’s about the renewal of our minds, as Romans 12:2 teaches us: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

How much have we unknowingly conformed to the world’s patterns? I’m speaking to myself here too. How has the world shaped our thinking about family, marriage, and having children? We need transformation, but it begins with renewing our minds. This isn’t automatic. Often, we don’t realize how deeply we’ve been influenced because we speak the same language as the world around us.

Yet, transformation is crucial. Only through it can we discern God’s perfect will.

In the Ellicott's Commentary Romans 12:2 is further explained:

Be not conformed . . . but be ye transformed.—Here the English is somewhat misleading. It would naturally lead us to expect a similar play upon words in the Greek. But it is not so; indeed, there is a clear distinction between the two different words employed. It is the difference between an outward conformity or disguise and a thorough inward assimilation. The Christian is not to copy the fleeting fashions of the present time, but to be wholly transfigured in view of that higher mode of existence, in strict accordance with God’s will, that he has chosen.

I urge you to take time with the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to reveal where society’s shifting norms and values have impacted you, especially in your role as a mother. Make a list, but remember—it’s not about listing what you think has influenced you. The danger is in deception, in the things we don’t even notice. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal those hidden areas.

Sit with Him. Let Him guide you. Once you have your list, ask the Holy Spirit to speak truth over every point. Go to the Word and see what God says. Let His unchanging truth renew your mind. And make this a habit—constantly washing yourself in His truth, aligning your heart and mind with His will to stop living like everyone else, instead to be transformed from within. Specifically, in your thinking.

This is a practise, that is not checked off, but continuously revisited for the health of us and our families, but also to begin to understand God’s will for our lives.

Let us celebrate the dreams of our girls to marry and become mothers, let us raise a generation that is firm in its identity, shaped by the Word and not swayed by the world.