How do I talk to my child about difficult topics?

Sensitive subjects can be hard to discuss, and depending on how our parents approached it (or didn’t), the only real mistake you can make is not talking about it at all or thinking that a one-time, serious sit-down with a lengthy explanation will be enough.

Let’s be parents who courageously address these topics head-on as part of an ongoing conversation that becomes a natural part of family life. I understand that the thought of it can be daunting, especially if you have a history with drugs, sex, or alcohol. However, not sharing with your children at all isn’t helpful. On the contrary, talking about your past victories as well as poor decisions makes you more relatable. Don’t be afraid that this will harm them—be a living testimony of God’s transformative power, it really does make a difference.

Growing up, I often heard friends say they didn’t feel qualified to speak on certain subjects because of poor decisions in their past. Maybe they didn’t wait until marriage or experimented with drugs, but that’s a lie. You have just as much authority to speak on these issues as the parent who waited until marriage or never tried drugs. Even that parent might sometimes feel like their testimony isn’t powerful enough. This is a lie from the devil himself. He knows that we, as parents, shape our children’s lives and are meant to guide them in the wisdom of the Lord. If there are areas where you feel held back by shame, bring them to God and let Him speak His truth over you. We are called to redeem this generation with Jesus - a generation that craves truth, not facades.

But let’s address this right away: if you’ve been held back by the lie that you’re not the right person to speak on certain topics, sit with the Holy Spirit. Let Him reveal the lies you’ve been believing, and then receive His truth over you. Write it down and remind yourself as often as needed that you can speak with courage and authority in your home.

Now, let’s address another important issue: if you’re still living in sin, what you’re feeling is conviction, not lies. You can’t teach your children that pornography is wrong if you’re still secretly struggling with it. Yes, the enemy will try to chime in, but remember—there is freedom. Or perhaps you’re battling lust, seeking attention from the opposite gender in unhealthy, identity-seeking ways. There are many other issues we could discuss, but again, sit with the Holy Spirit. Ask Him if there is any hidden or visible sin He wants to address in your life.

We’ve seen it countless times in our inner healing sessions—adult children come to us, and the Holy Spirit reveals how their parents’ hidden struggles, like pornography, abortion, adultery, teen pregnancy, drug addiction, or even deep-seated hatred towards men or women, have influenced and affected them. It’s a problem if you’re raising your children in a household where you’re not walking the talk. If there are secrets, bring them into the light. Get help—there is hope, and you can be free. Don’t wait for a better time; the best time is now. Don’t let shame hold you back, because the most powerful thing you can do is bring it to the light and to the cross.

I know you’ve probably didn’t expect all that when clicking on this blog, but we need to get first things done first, it’s not about adding more theory to our plate, but really living and walking in the freedom of Christ and there is this freedom, there is hope. Maybe you need to speak with someone who can support you on this journey. Do it, not just for you, but your entire household and legacy. It really makes a difference. 

Back to the "how"—how can you create a home environment where these topics are discussed regularly? And again, I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s not a one-time event; it’s an ongoing conversation. The most important thing we can do as parents is to create an atmosphere where topics like these are not taboo, weird, or avoided. So, what are some ways to encourage that?

1. Ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit
   Take time to sit with Holy Spirit. Let Him guide you in what to say and how to say it, so you can speak with wisdom and clarity, aligned with God’s truth because  Holy Spirit reveals God’s thoughts, teaches, and guides us into all truth, including knowledge of what is to come, also in parenting, we need that.

2. Let’s be approachable and open
   Start by creating an environment where your child feels safe to come to you with any topic, no matter how uncomfortable it might seem. Let them know they can ask questions, and you won’t judge or overreact. In our family, especially during the teenage years, there came a point when we no longer had to initiate certain conversations—because they simply didn’t want to talk about them. When it comes to topics like sex, our kids prefer to come to us with questions rather than having us start the discussion.

3. Start early and keep it ongoing
   These conversations don’t have to happen all at once. Begin when they’re young by teaching age-appropriate values, and continue building on those discussions as they grow. And yes, once again, make it a continuous dialogue, not just a one-time talk. Recently, our kids  brought up topics like abortion or drug abuse, especially after we drove through an area with a lot of visible drug use and even walked those streets. It sparked a lot of important conversations. When they were younger, we also watched documentaries or read books about sensitive but age-appropriate topics, just to keep the dialogue open.

4. Use personal stories to relate
   Sharing your own experiences, both good and bad, as mentioned earlier, makes these discussions more relatable. Talk about the mistakes you made, what you learned, and how they can benefit from your experiences as well as others. I’ve often shared stories about classmates or friends too, which, while not my direct story, still adds to the relatable aspect—because I was usually part of those moments. This helps to create a connection and makes the conversation feel more natural and less forced.

5. Be honest and clear
   Kids and teens can tell when you’re not being truthful. Answer their questions with honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable. This builds trust, and they’ll be more likely to come to you with tough issues in the future. I want to add a word of caution here: if you tend to be more sarcastic, this is not the time for jokes. Prove yourself as a trustworthy source and someone they can rely on. Bite your tongue if a joke or a quick, less-than-truthful response is about to slip out—this is about building a safe space for open, honest dialogue.

6. Listen more than you speak
   When your child brings up difficult topics, resist the urge to immediately jump into advice or correction. Give them the space to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting. Often, simply listening shows that you respect their perspective, making them feel more understood and supported. The older they get, the more important this becomes, but it’s essential to practice it when they’re young because listening conveys respect. We teach our children the value of listening, but often, we don’t follow our own advice because, as parents, we assume we know best. However, it’s crucial to hold back—bite your tongue, and sometimes, even pray for the right words. With teenagers, you often don’t need to say much. Sometimes, nothing is needed at all, or just a response to what they’ve asked. Avoid giving uninvited feedback—this is something I’ve had to learn and continue to work on.

I’m confident that these tips, especially the first ones, will guide you on this journey. It’s so impactful when your kids hear about these topics—often mentioned online, on social media, or at school—from you first. But don’t be too hard on yourself if they hear it elsewhere before you have a chance to talk. Things seem to come up earlier than expected nowadays, and you may not always feel prepared. When they do turn to you, let them find truth, guidance, and hope in your words.

Prepare yourself now so you’re ready to respond with age-appropriate answers when the moment arises. Saying, "We’ll talk later," or "I don’t have time right now," isn’t ideal—especially if it’s the first time they’re opening up. It may not feel like the perfect time, but make it one. Those moments are worth it.