The Art of Polite Interruptions
We’ve all been there: you're having a meaningful conversation with a friend, really listening and connecting, when suddenly, your child bursts in, shouting “MOM! MOM!” or “DADDY!” while tugging at your arm, instantly demanding all your attention. The moment feels like it freezes—your friend’s sharing something important, and you’re caught between two worlds, your child’s urgent need pulling at your heart and the need to stay present in the conversation.
Can anyone relate? Of course, you can. Every parent has found themselves in this very situation at least once—probably more times than they care to admit! It's frustrating and embarrassing, especially when it happens over and over again. You want to keep the flow going, but now your friend is a little distracted, and you’re torn between the two. It’s like trying to juggle—keeping the conversation alive while giving your child the attention they’re craving. So what's the right thing to do? Do you drop everything to attend to your child, or do you gently ask them to wait, hoping they'll understand? It always feels like a balancing act. And if we're honest, we fear there is no perfect solution, especially if your friend is already aware of the situation and you both feel the tension in the air.
But don't worry, it doesn't have to be like this! There's a more graceful and respectful way to handle these interruptions, and it can make all the difference - for you and your child. Let's explore how to approach this situation in a way that honors everyone involved. Ready? Let’s dive in!
It was truly a lifesaver for us when we learned about the "interruption rule" from Growing Families Life. The first time we heard about it, we had a baby, and to be honest, we couldn't relate to it from personal experience. But I had been the one on the other side of the conversation - sitting there, talking to a friend, only to be interrupted by her child, who demanded her full attention. I still remember how frustrating it was. Our conversations were constantly cut short, and I began to feel like I wasn’t being heard at all. I’d think, "There’s no point in continuing—she can't follow what I'm saying anyway!" I could sense that my friend wasn’t fully present, and it made me feel unappreciated like I wasn’t being valued in that moment.
But we didn't fully understand both sides until we had children. Suddenly, I could see the delicate balance between the parent’s role and the child’s need for attention. I realized that while the interruptions were frustrating for everyone involved, they were also an inevitable part of life with young children.
That’s when we learned the interruption rule, which transformed how we managed these moments and helped us keep our conversations respectful and engaging.
The rule itself isn’t about ignoring your child’s needs—it’s about teaching them a more polite way to approach a conversation when they need you. It’s a simple yet powerful concept that has allowed us to preserve the flow of conversations while also being respectful and attentive to our kids. We've found that consistent practice can make a world of difference in maintaining harmony in social settings, and it's a tool we're so glad to have in our parenting repertoire. We are so grateful to have learned this early in life.
How can you teach your child to interrupt politely? It's easier than you might think, and it's an important way to cultivate respect for others in your child.
When your child needs to interrupt, instead of shouting or tugging on your arm, they should learn to place their hand gently on your side, shoulder, or arm, and then wait a brief moment for you to acknowledge them. This small action communicates, "Mom, I know you’re talking, but when you have a moment, I’d like to ask you something." It’s a non-disruptive way of getting your attention, showing respect for the conversation you’re engaged in, and recognizing that other people’s time is valuable, too.
Once you’ve noticed your child, and there is a stop in your conversation, be mindful not to keep your child waiting too long, because we know how long certain conversations can be you can calmly say, "Excuse me for a moment," and turn your attention toward them. This signals to everyone that you’re aware of the interruption, but you’re still maintaining the flow of conversation. It’s a subtle but powerful gesture that demonstrates how to be respectful to both the person you’re speaking with and to your child.
Here’s a little extra step to reinforce this behavior: When your child places their hand on you, place your hand gently over theirs and give a quick squeeze. This physical touch reassures them that you’ve seen their request and that you’ll address it soon. It shows your child that their needs are important, but so are the needs of others in that moment.
If your child isn't used to waiting or being patient, this may be a challenge at first. It's important to be consistent. The more you reinforce it, the more natural it will become for them - and you! Remember, it's not about avoiding your child's needs, it's about teaching them a way to communicate those needs respectfully.
Here’s how you can start:
Step 1: Explain the Concept
First, take a moment to explain the concept to your child in an age-appropriate way. For younger children, you can say something like:
"You know how when Mummy or Daddy is talking to someone, it's important to listen and wait your turn? Sometimes you need to ask us something, but we want to make sure we're respectful to the other person too. That's why we use the 'hand on shoulder' rule to politely ask for attention. It's a way of showing that we care about the conversation, and we care about you.
For older children, you might approach it a bit differently:
"When you need something while we’re talking with others, we want to show respect to everyone involved. Instead of interrupting with words or pulling on our arm, you can put your hand on our shoulder to let us know you need something. This way, we can acknowledge your needs while still being polite and respectful to the person we’re talking to.”
Step 2: Role Play Together
Now, turn the explanation into a fun, interactive role-play! You can involve your spouse, or other family members, or even play both parts yourself.
Scenario 1: The Parent and Child Conversation You can simulate a conversation where one parent is talking to the other (or the child is speaking to you), and the child needs to interrupt. Let’s say you’re playing the part of the parent, and your child is playing themselves.
Parent (you): Start by chatting with your husband/wife.
Child (your little one): They should practice placing their hand on your arm, shoulder, or side without speaking right away.
Child’s action: Your child gently touches your shoulder and waits.
Parent (you): Acknowledge them after a brief pause, saying, "Oh, hey there! I see you need something. Give me a second, and I’ll listen to you."
Child (your little one): After you acknowledge them, they can share their question or comment, "Mom, can I have some juice?"
Step 3: Expand the Practice
You can repeat this simple role-play with different variations, like pretending your child needs to interrupt while talking to another adult or a sibling. You can even involve grandparents or other family members who can help in the role-play. The more people that are involved, the easier it will be for your child to understand that this rule applies to different people and situations.
For example:
Scenario 2: Grandparents and Child Conversation
Grandpa (playing the adult): Talking to grandma about a family event or fun plan.
Child: The child places their hand on his arm or shoulder and waits for him to notice.
Grandma: Say something like, "That’s a polite way to ask for attention while someone else is talking!"
This helps reinforce the idea that everyone—whether it’s Mom, Dad, Grandma, or anyone else—deserves respect and attention, and it’s important for your child to understand that timing matters when you’re asking for attention.
Step 4: Make It a Routine
Practice this regularly so it becomes a natural habit. Start by using this method in casual conversations around the house. For example, when you’re talking to your spouse about dinner plans or a project, ask your child to practice the technique in small doses.
"Hey, can you show me how you’d ask if you need something while we’re talking?"
This is a great opportunity to model the behavior and give them real-time feedback. Praise them often:
"Wow, you waited and put your hand on my shoulder politely! That’s great respect for both of us!"
Step 5: Patience and Consistency
As with any new habit, it might take some time for your child to adjust. Especially if they’re used to calling out or tugging at your arm for attention, it might be a bit challenging in the beginning. However, with patience and consistency, your child will get the hang of it. Don’t be discouraged by a few hiccups along the way!
Stick to the practice, and remember to keep it positive. As you continue modeling the behavior and rewarding them for following it, the polite interruption technique will become a natural part of how your child interacts with you—and others.
Step 6: Apply the Interruption Rule for Your Children Too
Teaching the interruption rule doesn’t stop with your child—it’s a powerful tool that applies to everyone in the household, including you. This is an important step in modeling the behavior you want to see in your children. One of the most valuable lessons you can teach them is that respect is a two-way street.
When your children are speaking to a sibling, a friend, or even to you, you must practice the same level of patience and consideration that you expect from them. This means, that just like they need to wait their turn, you also need to be mindful about how and when you interrupt them.
Why is this important?
Often, as parents, we rush into a room or a conversation, thinking of the next thing we need to manage—like, “Time to eat,” “Clean up your room,” or “Let’s get going!” We barge in with a task or instruction, interrupting the natural flow of the conversation, without considering that the child may be in the middle of something important to them—whether it’s play, talking to a friend, or even having a meaningful exchange with a sibling.
Think about how it feels when you’re deeply engaged in a conversation, and someone suddenly rushes in with an instruction, cutting you off mid-sentence. It can be frustrating, right? Now, imagine how your child feels when that happens to them, especially if they're trying to communicate something important to them. They may feel unheard or even disrespected.
So, how can you use the interruption rule in a way that respects your children as much as you ask them to respect others?
Here’s How to Do It:
Be Mindful When Entering Conversations: If your child is talking to a sibling, friend, or even to you, try to be aware of their body language and the flow of the conversation before entering the room. If they’re in the middle of a discussion, it’s better to pause for a moment and observe before speaking.
Apply the Same Respect: If you do need to interrupt—whether it’s to call them to dinner or to give an instruction—use the same hand-on-the-shoulder technique. For example:
Approach quietly and place your hand gently on their shoulder or arm to signal that you’d like their attention.
Wait for a moment to allow them to acknowledge your presence before speaking. This shows that you’re mindful of the conversation they’re having and that you’re giving them the space to finish their thoughts.
Then, after they’ve acknowledged you, say something like, "Excuse me, I’ll just need you to come for dinner in a minute," or "It’s time to clean up. Can we do that in a few minutes?”
If it’s Urgent, Be Considerate: If the matter is urgent (like needing them to come to the table or go to bed), it’s still important to handle the situation delicately. You can say:
"I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need you for something important. Can you finish what you’re saying and come with me in a minute?
This way, you’re still acknowledging that their conversation is important to you, but you're letting them know in a respectful manner that you have a need as well.
Practice Patience: Be patient. It can be hard to shift this habit because we’re often in “parenting mode” and thinking of all the things that need to be done. But practicing this consistently will help your children feel valued.
Teach by Example: Just like we expect our children to respect our conversations, we must model the behavior. If they see you consistently using the interruption rule with them, they’ll be much more likely to follow the same practice when they speak to you or others. It’s a wonderful cycle of respect that will strengthen your family’s communication and relationships.
The beauty of teaching your child this simple tool is that it not only helps to improve their behavior but also develops a sense of empathy and respect for others. It teaches them that their needs are important, but so are the needs of those around them. With consistent practice, your child will grow into a respectful and considerate communicator - skills they'll carry with them throughout their lives.
Keep in mind, however, that it takes time, effort, and intentionality to see consistent results. But trust me, it's well worth it.