How Inner Healing Transforms Your Parenting Journey

I recently went on a retreat where I heard a lot of stories about childhood trauma. I believe we can all relate in some way - whether through our own experiences or knowing someone who has been affected. What many of us may not realise is that we often carry wounds from our own upbringing. These formative years, once thought to shape us only up to the age of 3, are now understood to extend to around the age of 8 - a critical window for cognitive, social, emotional and physical development.

We've all been wounded in one way or another - YES, there are positive experiences, but sadly there are also negative ones. What struck me during the retreat, even though it wasn't specifically about parenting, was how many of our wounds are designed to keep us from fulfilling our God-given purpose. Some of these wounds come from lies we've been told repeatedly, others from a single hurtful comment that still echoes in our hearts. Sometimes it's the unspoken expectations of what a father or mother 'should be', passed down through generations, that shape our understanding of family and love. These patterns, some positive, some deeply flawed, become part of our heritage.

For those of us who've experienced significant trauma, we understand that healing is necessary. But there's another side - one that's not often talked about - the hidden wounds we carry because we're too afraid to face them. Afraid of what we might uncover, of going deeper, of dealing with emotions we've buried for so long that they feel invisible. In my case, I didn't even recognise it as fear because it was buried so deeply that I didn't know it was there.

Maybe you feel like you don’t have any huge problems. They’re not overwhelming—just manageable enough. That’s it: manageable. I thought I could handle my struggles alone, like I was the only one who could. Anyone else feel that way?

The "I'll do it myself, at my own pace, without anyone else's help" mentality is something I'm all too familiar with. It gives us a sense of control and makes life feel straight forward. We often think we're navigating well, but in reality we're just surviving - not healing.

Over the years we've guided many people through inner healing and this 'I'm OK' attitude is something we've seen time and time again. It's a way of avoiding going deeper, of convincing ourselves that we have everything under control. In truth, it's just burying the hurt further, tightening its grip. We keep the anger under control, stifle the tears and push the sadness down, telling ourselves that this is the way life is.

But this is not true freedom. It's a form of self-preservation that traps us in patterns of repression and makes us believe that as long as we keep it together, we're OK. We begin to accept the lie that occasional emotional outbursts, periods of sadness or self-criticism are normal - things we can tolerate. We may tell ourselves, "It's not that bad" or "Others have it worse" and we carry on, pretending that all is well, while the weight inside continues to grow.

True freedom comes when we stop managing the pain and start releasing it - acknowledging that we need help and inviting God into the hidden places we've been avoiding. The healing process isn't easy, but it begins when we stop pretending and confront the lies that have kept us stuck.

When we do this, we move beyond survival mode and begin to truly live. So, take a moment to ask the Holy Spirit—am I really okay? Is the control I’ve built around my pain truly giving me freedom, or is it just a tighter prison?

It’s absolutely okay to not be okay. In fact, acknowledging that we’re not okay is the very space where healing begins. When we admit that we’re struggling, we give the Holy Spirit room to work within us, to mend the brokenness and bring us into real freedom. After all, Jesus said it best: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1). He longs for us to live fully and freely, unburdened by the weight of unhealed wounds.

And this healing is not just for you—it’s for your family and for those who come after you. There’s a legacy at stake. Your children, their children, and generations beyond are longing for you to step up courageously and do the work. The generational impact of your healing ripples through time, shaping the hearts and lives of your family in ways you may not even fully realize.

When you choose to confront the pain, to surrender control, and allow the Holy Spirit to bring healing, you’re not just transforming your own life. You’re breaking the chains that have bound your family for years. You’re rewriting the narrative, creating a new story of freedom, grace, and hope for those who follow in your footsteps.

Imagine the freedom you’re paving for your children and your entire family—the chance for them to grow up without carrying the same burdens, without being shaped by the same past wounds. Instead, they will be molded by wholeness, love, and the fullness of God’s grace. Your courage becomes the foundation for your family, a legacy of strength that will stand for generations. Yes, they will face their own challenges because we are all still flawed, still growing and learning. But by showing them that it’s not about having everything perfectly together or trying to appear "fine," you teach them something far more powerful.

You show them that there is always more—more freedom, more healing, more grace—and that it’s not shameful to ask for help or let someone come alongside you in the journey.

We’ve taught our children that the strongest thing they can do is recognize what’s holding them back and bring it to God.

Each step you take in your healing journey is a gift to your loved ones. You’re showing them that true freedom is possible. You’re not just fighting for your own soul—you’re fighting for a legacy of healing, love, and grace that will bless your family for generations to come.

There is so much power in witnessing someone embrace their healing journey, and it’s heartbreaking to see many remain bound by burdens they were never meant to carry. Believe me, I understand this struggle—I’ve been there too. But tasting freedom has sparked a deep desire in me to show others that there is so much more on the other side. I wish I could take you on this journey to reveal what awaits, but I can’t. Instead, I can share the testimonies of many who have walked this path, reminding you that the Holy Spirit is the one who truly nudges us forward. He has done the same for me and it was the perfect time.

There’s no need to rush; simply let Him open your heart! For years, friends of ours encouraged us to seek inner healing, but it took us a long time to finally take that first leap. Now, we can hardly grasp why we hesitated, other than the fear of the unknown and the uncertainty of what awaited us.

What did Holy Spirit say when you asked if there was anything for you to heal? How did that make you feel? Was it something you knew or something new? I love how He connects everything and the 'aha' moment is priceless. We get a lot of them during our inner healing sessions and they never get old, but remain so valuable. 

We've been running parenting classes for almost two decade, and it's only recently that we've realised the essential need to incorporate inner healing into our approach. We encountered many parents who had grasped the initial tools we provided, but remained bound by their own upbringing. This background often prevented them from reflecting on parenting from a neutral or positive perspective, leaving them stuck in negative patterns. Even when they understood the concepts intellectually, past experiences from their family still held them back from fully engaging and implementing what they had learned.

Let me give you a couple of examples: a mother who attended our classes was struggling with the concept of consequences in parenting. Even though we explained that consequences help children understand that their actions have an impact, and that using them in a loving way can teach children to take responsibility, she still showed considerable reluctance. As she told her story, it became clear why. She talked about how her own mother had locked her in her room for hours at a time, or locked her in the basement, and even deprived her of food for days at a time. This traumatic history created a barrier for her. She struggled to accept a concept that had been so violently abused in her childhood. Any form of limit or consequence felt abusive to her because she had never experienced it in a loving context.

Additionally, there are the deeper issues at play, like the mother who struggles to trust her husband to care for the kids. In her childhood home, men were often portrayed as losers, with her mother treating her father poorly. This background significantly shaped her view of men, making it difficult for her to see her husband as a capable parent.

Then there's the father who grew up with a harsh dad, one who demanded perfection at every turn. This expectation became the only way he knew to connect with his father, and now he finds himself struggling with a child who isn't meeting those high standards. As a result, anger starts to surface, and the idea of approaching his child with love feels foreign to him.

Or maybe you're struggling to believe that your marriage will last. You don't say it out loud, but deep down, with every argument, that quiet hope fades - because you come from a family with a history of divorce.

Maybe you’re starting to see just how subtle these patterns can be. You might justify being a little harsher with your kids, not fully trusting your husband, or struggling to say no. People might nod along, and the conversation moves on. But there’s so much more beneath the surface—there’s real freedom waiting.

Go back to what the Holy Spirit is speaking to your heart. What are the next steps He’s leading you to take? Be courageous, because stepping forward isn’t just for your healing—it brings freedom to your entire family line. There is joy ahead.

If you need any one who comes alongside us, please do not hesitate to contact us.