Slower Parenting
I'm familiar with the concept of slow parenting, and it's interesting to observe the evolving trends in the parenting landscape. Over my 18-year journey in this realm, I've encountered diverse approaches. While some genuinely offer fresh perspectives, others seem to undergo a rebranding, acquiring a trendier label that instantly elevates their cool factor.
I don’t know too much in detail about the above, but this is not what I am referring to.
Slowing down has become a buzzword and has manifested in various services to cater to it.
This one, however, is a task you need to undertake on your own; unfortunately, there's no butler service available. Though, I must admit, there were times on my own journey when I would have eagerly rung the bell for assistance.
Yet, slowing down is the better option, and I have learned to fully embrace it, taking each step deliberately.
I'll give you a short glimpse into me before we dive into this subject. Often, when we read a blog or a book or hear someone talk about a topic, we tend to think they have it all figured out, and maybe it even comes easy to them. Even though we are aware that this isn't true, there is an immediate mechanism that puts someone on a pedestal.
I am not saying you are doing this with me, but let me give you a deeper sense of where I come from.
Slowing down doesn’t come naturally to me; I'm more of a 150% girl. When I am convinced of something, taking the slower, more scenic road is not my preferred way to go along. Additionally, I am a recovering perfectionist. But initially, when I had my children, I wasn't merely recovering as I didn’t see it as a big flaw.
I didn't realize it, but those closest to me did—my husband and children. I became aware of this by looking into their eyes. So, my mission was to start a journey into excellence because not doing something well wasn't an option.
Patience, if we're already being vulnerable never seemed to be an issue before kids, but boy, it hit me hard realizing that I might not be the most patient person on the earth. Are there any other Moms or Dads out there?
Thank God for His fruits which include patience.
All of this, coupled with me being an introvert and suddenly having a child and soon three children around me constantly, added to the mix of not-so-slow, patient, and chill.
Offering a brief overview of my journey, this is just a glimpse. No, this doesn't come naturally to me. I had to make many conscious decisions along the way for the health of my family and to die for myself. After all, looking back 18 years later, I am so happy where I am now. Still recovering from perfectionism, but not struggling anymore. The progress I've made wasn't marked by grand successes or swift transformations; rather, it has been a gradual journey through the years, I shared with a younger woman I mentor that I am 18 years older than her. After expressing her desire to transition from where she is now to where I am, I reminded her that the journey takes time. It's a process where one cannot rush or attempt to take the fast track, but rather, it involves leaning into Him and processing with Him.
Make it count, even though it might be slower. I've appreciated it slower and deeper after many years of fighting it.
Let's melt into the slow together, I feel like a grandma sharing the wisdom of parenting step by step.
Self-Reflection:
When embarking on the journey of parenthood, self-reflection is a crucial first step. Take the time to ponder your values, beliefs, and the experiences that have shaped you. This will serve as a compass, guiding you in your approach to parenting.
If you have a spouse, you'll likely notice differences in your respective parenting styles. These differences have the potential to become stressors, but they also present an opportunity for growth. It's important to acknowledge that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
The challenge, then, becomes finding common ground as a couple and working together to forge a path together. Unity in parenting doesn't happen automatically; it's a value that needs to be upheld and nurtured through ongoing communication and compromise. Recognize that you and your spouse may not always fully understand each other's perspectives, but the key is to embark on the journey together, finding ways to navigate the challenges as a united front for your family.
When approaching discussions about parenting differences, maintain an open mind and heart. Foster an environment where you both feel heard and valued. Strive to create a safe space for expressing concerns, sharing insights, and ultimately arriving at decisions that honor the unique dynamics of your family.
Understanding that unity is a process and not an instant outcome will help you weather the inevitable storms that come with parenting. Embrace the fact that your family is a unique blend of two individuals with distinct backgrounds and parenting experiences. As you navigate this journey together, hold onto the shared vision of creating a loving and supportive environment for your children. The strength of your unity will not only shape your parenting journey but also contribute to the resilience and well-being of your family as a whole.
Personally, attending a parenting class together has been immensely beneficial for us. Being part of a group with other couples and a teacher made discussions less emotional and more proactive, allowing us to address potential issues before they arose or after they occurred.
Embarking on this journey slowly, we initiate a deliberate and gradual process of self-reflection. Unlike a task that can be checked off a to-do list, this is an ongoing adventure.
Lead by Example:
Children often learn by observing their parents. Demonstrating the values and behaviors you want to instill in them might seem like a simple concept on paper, but in practice, it proves to be a challenging endeavor. While we intellectually grasp the idea that we are leading by example, it often struggles to make its way into our hearts and truly impact the lasting effects of our actions.
In the realm of slower parenting, the challenge lies in the moments when we find ourselves in trouble—speaking too quickly, lacking proper rest, and unintentionally expressing frustration toward our children or those around us. Perhaps it's rushing because we are behind schedule, taking shortcuts to save time, or driving too fast when running late. These instances are often where we compromise on the rules, and interestingly, time or the lack of it plays a significant role. Impatience, hasty actions, and inadequate planning contribute to these deviations from our intended parenting values.
Leading by example will not go out of style. It will remain and it’s a big one.
What are you going to do about it?
Here are a few tips that have proven helpful in my journey towards slower parenting:
Think Before You Speak:
Taking a moment to consider our words before expressing them can prevent impulsive reactions, especially in moments of frustration or exhaustion.
Establish a Bedtime Routine:
Ensuring an adequate amount of sleep is crucial. Implementing a bedtime routine contributes to a more restful sleep.
Wake Up Earlier:
Setting aside additional time in the morning can offer an easier beginning to the day. This additional time can be utilized for personal reflection, planning, or simply savoring a tranquil moment before the day unfolds.
These milestones in my journey toward slower parenting have proven instrumental. They've not only assisted me in self-discovery but also in embracing and accepting my needs, particularly the necessity of sleep. Recognizing and meeting these personal needs has significantly contributed to my growth as a mother, allowing me to provide better care and presence for my children.
Quality Time:
Invest meaningful time in your children by participating in activities that strengthen your connection and forge enduring memories, particularly those they enjoy. While spending over 20 minutes building Lego may not seem like the most thrilling afternoon, setting aside tasks and joining them on the floor to create imaginative spaceships is a source of joy. It's not about the task itself but the realization that you've reached their hearts.
Slower parenting entails more than just navigating through the day without rushing. It involves recognizing that, above all, your child needs your time. It's not about the special bike or the largest Lego set, that they need to build on their own; what they truly need is the time spent with you.
Take a moment today to reflect on how you're doing in the realm of playing with your children. Don't wait for it to become exciting—make it exciting by choosing to be fully present and engaged.
Honestly, for me, this has always been a conscious choice. I don't see myself as the "fun mom" – I greatly admire my fellow moms who excel in that aspect – but for me, it's a decision to actively engage in those moments.
There would be so much more, but I don’t want to overwhelm you, so one more.
Create a loving and safe home environment:
Creating such an environment is an ongoing process that requires consistent love and affection. It's about letting your children know that your love is not contingent on their achievements but on who they are as individuals.
Responding to their moments of vulnerability and sharing requires careful consideration. Often, they may not be seeking your opinion but are sharing to test if it's safe for them to do so. Building this kind of environment doesn't happen overnight. Unexpected challenges may arise, and dealing with matters of the heart late at night after a long week can be daunting. While you can choose to opt out of these invitations, keep in mind that they might not be extended to you again in the future.
The term "slower parenting" resonates with the idea that building a loving and secure environment takes time and intentional effort. It's an acknowledgment of the gradual, thoughtful, and meaningful journey involved in creating a home where your children feel loved, valued, and safe.
Embarking on the journey of intentional and thoughtful parenting is comparable to sowing seeds for a fruitful harvest. Just as an apple tree takes its time to bear fruit—around 10 years or more—so does the process of reaping the benefits of mindful parenting requires patience.
Consider the training journey of a champion like Roger Federer, who started his tennis training at the age of 8 and clinched his first major title at 21, spanning 13 years. This example illustrates that greatness is cultivated over time.
Similarly, as parents, we are entrusted with the task of training our children. Just like the apple tree needs time to yield its sweet harvest, our efforts in shaping the character and future of our children require time and patience. Rushing the process might hinder the development of the beautiful fruits that will eventually emerge.
In Romans 8:25 (TPT), we find encouragement: "So because our hope is set on what is yet to be seen, we patiently keep on waiting for its fulfillment."
This verse emphasizes the virtue of patient anticipation and trust in the unseen outcome. As we patiently invest time and effort into nurturing our children, we can trust that the harvest will be abundant and worth the wait.
So, take a moment to slow down and consider how you can apply this in your week.