Obedience
Delving into the nuances of certain words is undeniably a profound journey, and the impact they carry is, without a doubt, a loaded aspect to ponder.
Personally, I've found this exploration to be an emotional one, prompting deep reflections on how words shape our perceptions and reactions.
Ponder this: Have you ever taken a moment to contemplate the significance of a particular word in your life? Personally, I've cultivated a practice of examining emotionally charged words, as well as seemingly simple ones or verses from the Bible. Recognizing the emotions these words may stir has become essential in molding my connection with them. It allows the Holy Spirit to delve deeper when I sense that subtle itch or unease.
Let me illustrate this with an example. Picture us in a parenting class, delving into the importance of obedience and emphasizing the need for clear "yes" and "no" boundaries for parents. As I incorporate Bible verses and practical advice, the term "obedience" might evoke a strong reaction for you, connected to past experiences and carrying associations reminiscent of it being used in an abusive or toxic manner.
With over 16 years of mentoring families, I've realized that practical advice, no matter how sound, struggles to take root when negative emotions are tied to a particular word, like "obedience." Before putting strategies into action, addressing the emotional wounds tied to these words becomes crucial. Ideally, a word should be neutral, devoid of preconceived negative notions.
Let's embark on a test. Get your journal, and let's explore the subtle feelings together.
Extend an invitation to Holy Spirit as your guide. Instead of immediately categorizing a word as positive or negative, pause and allow Holy Spirit to unveil its deeper meaning.
If you sense a negative connotation, delve further by asking about the root cause. Acknowledging that certain words trigger emotions is a significant step. Embrace this awareness in the coming days, letting Holy Spirit bring healing.
Should you require additional support, consider booking an inner healing session with us anytime. Negative associations with certain words often stem from abusive or toxic usage. However, it's important to recognize that obedience, in itself, is a beautiful concept.
Allow the timeless truth of the Bible to soften your hearts before we delve deeper into this exploration.
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colosaians 3:20 (ESV)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Ephesians 6:1-3 (ESV)
But then also for us all:
If you love me, you will keep my commandments. John 14:15 (ESV)
I hope this resonates with you, and if there's still a lingering unease, that's okay because remember, you're on a journey toward healing with Holy Spirit and will pick it up along the way.
Typically, discussions about this topic revolve around children, but as you, the parent, are the readers, let's shift our focus and approach it differently.
As the Bible encourages children to obey their parents, pleasing the Lord, consider your role in this dynamic.
As the parent, reflect on how you contribute to making it either easy or challenging for your children to obey you.
Let's explore a couple of ways we might unintentionally make it challenging for them.
By repeating
If we make it a habit to repeat our instructions over and over again we do not help in the process of obedience.
I get it; this isn't the ideal start to your parenting journey. We often end up frustrated because it seems like our words don't carry the weight we want them to.
So, here's a tip: try not to repeat yourself. Going for a second or third round might make your child think they can delay following your initial instructions until you say it again. Let's avoid that cycle.
By threatening
Frequently, when we resort to repetition without success, it often leads to escalating threats. When repeating doesn't work, we may pull out the big guns, using phrases like "If you do not do this, I will..." and listing consequences that are disproportionately harsh. This approach undermines our goal of teaching obedience, as it communicates to the child that obedience is expected out of fear rather than understanding and cooperation.
By bribing
Sometimes, we slip into bribing in our instructions, especially when it's something we care about or when we're craving a bit of peace. We might say, "If you're a good girl/boy, I'll get you ice cream later."
What we might not realize is that we're unintentionally teaching them that they need a reward to be good.
Let your Yes be a yes and your no a no
Matthew 5 features the well-known Sermon on the Mount, and just before our next verse, we're advised, "Never swear an oath that you don’t intend to keep." It's simple: "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' Anything more comes from a deceptive place" (Matthew 5:37).
Our words must be backed by action, and our kids are soaking up our language habits. It's a bit unsettling if we think about it. How many times do our everyday phrases like "stop," "no," or "just one more time" truly mean what they say?
I often urge parents to be mindful of their words. Don't promise something you won't follow through on. It confuses our kids more than it helps them obey. A "no" today should mean the same tomorrow.
Parenting isn't a stroll in the park, savoring the breeze and scenery. It's about making every word count, getting up from that chair, turning off the stove, and being consistent with rules. Don’t make it a habit to give a command you don't intend to see through. It's all about being intentional and true to your words.
For the upcoming week, consider taking a reflective journey:
Listen to Yourself: Pay attention to the words and phrases you use in daily interactions, especially in parenting.
Make Notes: Keep a journal of the language patterns you observe. Document situations where certain words or expressions are commonly used.
Be Gracious: As you reflect, be kind to yourself. Recognize that awareness is the first step toward positive change.
Invite Holy Spirit In: Start your week by inviting Holy Spirit to guide your words and actions. Seek the wisdom and discernment needed for effective communication.
Fruits of the Spirit: Daily, ask Holy Spirit for the specific fruits you need for the day – patience, kindness, gentleness, or others. It's okay to seek this gift multiple times throughout the day.
Be Patient: Remember, personal growth is a journey. Don't be too hard on yourself. Taking one step at a time is progress, and sometimes the process is slower than we'd like.
Embrace this week as an opportunity for self-awareness and growth. Each intentional step brings you closer to fostering positive and effective communication.
Supporting obedience involves intentional communication. Try these strategies:
Personalized Instructions: Approach your children, call them by name, and wait for their response before giving instructions. This ensures they are attentive, fostering eye contact and the importance of focusing.
Verbal Response: Teach your children a verbal acknowledgment like "Yes" or "Yes, Mom/Dad" to signal understanding. This cultivates a habit of active listening and engagement.
Offer Alternatives: Instead of simply stating what they shouldn't do, suggest alternative activities or behaviors. Guide them towards positive choices, making the instructions more constructive.
Timing is Key: Before giving instructions, ensure your child is receptive. Avoid doing so when they are deeply engaged in play or activities. Timing enhances the effectiveness of your guidance.
Remember, these approaches demand intentionality. It's not a casual endeavor but a purposeful commitment to nurturing communication that fosters understanding and cooperation.
Teaching our kids about obedience is more than just ensuring order or getting them to follow directives; it's about instilling in them a genuine understanding of why it's essential. Undoubtedly, it's a demanding journey, and some days feel like an uphill battle, but the lasting benefits make every challenge worthwhile. God has entrusted us with the responsibility of nurturing and guiding these young minds.
Our goal isn't merely compliance or the convenience of having well-behaved children; we aim for a deeper connection where they comprehend the reasoning behind the rules. Obedience, in our view, extends beyond a checklist of dos and don'ts.
Let's shift to the practical side of things. Beyond the word "obedience," how does it unfold in our daily lives? Take speeding as an example. Are we driving responsibly because it's the right thing, or is it merely to evade a potential ticket? What about those cans you don’t need anymore at the grocery store? Do they find their way back to the shelf only when someone's watching? True obedience, as we see it, goes beyond the surface, rooted in a genuine understanding of why certain actions are right.
But let's not forget, there are times when we're told to obey, and we might not grasp the whole picture. It's about trusting our loving Father, and believing that He's got a hopeful future for us, even when we can't see all the details. Make sure to pass on this beautiful heart attitude too.
Understanding that the early years typically come with simple do's and don'ts, we realize that, as our kids grow into preschool age, it's the opportune time to enhance their understanding. Our goal is for them to grasp that obedience goes beyond just pleasing us; it's about an inner longing to do what's right, deeply embedded in the essence of their growing hearts.
Once more, armed with the tools and encouragement, revisit what obedience truly means to you in the next couple of days. Take a moment to delve deeper with Holy Spirit, allowing Him to guide and heal you.