Unity in Parenting
We've often talked about the importance of unity in marriage, especially when it comes to parenting. But I am sure, you’ve probably like us quickly understood, that this is not a natural and automatic stage. Just because you fell in love, doesn’t mean you have the exact same values on parenting.
And because unity doesn’t come naturally, there’s hope even in the moments when we find ourselves at odds. Conflict isn’t the problem—it’s inevitable. The real issue is when it goes unaddressed, when we pull in opposite directions, forgetting that we’re not opponents but teammates. True unity isn’t about never disagreeing; it’s about choosing to work through differences with the mindset that we’re on the same side.
And that alone is a revelation—we are on the same team. Say it three times. Let it sink in. Because if we’re honest, we don’t always act like it, don’t we?
Imagine a sports team where every player is out for themselves. One steals the ball from their own teammate, another ignores the game plan, and instead of covering for each other’s weaknesses, they point fingers and argue. They might all wear the same jersey, but without trust, communication, and a shared vision, they’ll never win. We would be watching the team in disbelieve, how will they ever be able to win with this attitude?
That’s what happens in parenting when we forget that we’re teammates—with our spouse, with our children. Instead of playing to win together, we get caught up in frustration, competing, or controlling. But a strong team knows its roles, moves with unity, and most of all, fights for each other, not against.
So how are you showing up—as opponents, or as a team. Be honest and if you’ve dealt with this, then welcome, you are not alone, this is for me and you.
I like to look up the meanings of words, so if I ask you now, what does unity mean? Write it down for yourself and then continue reading.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "unity" is defined as:
The state of being in agreement and working together; the state of being joined together to form one unite.
In the Bible, unity is more than just getting along—it’s about the oneness and harmony that should exist among believers, creating a space for cooperation, peace, and collective strength in our relationship with God and each other. Verses like Psalm 133:1 (“How truly wonderful and delightful it is to see brothers and sisters living together in sweet unity!”) and John 17:21 (“I pray for them all to be joined together as one, even as you and I, Father, are joined together as one”) emphasize the profound importance of unity.
The Hebrew word "echad" in the Old Testament, meaning “one” or “together,” shows up in powerful ways. For example, in Genesis 2:24, it’s used to describe the union of a husband and wife, “The two shall become one flesh,” and in Deuteronomy 6:4, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one,” highlighting God’s singular and unified nature.
In the New Testament, the Greek word "henotēs," meaning “oneness,” emphasizes spiritual unity. Ephesians 4:3 encourages us to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace,” while John 17:21 shows Jesus’ desire for His followers to experience unity with each other just as He shares a oneness with the Father.
Biblical unity is not just about agreement; it’s about a deep connection, mirroring God’s nature and His heart for His people to be united in love and purpose. Often, the way we’ve experienced or perceived unity shapes our understanding of it, so it’s important to not just talk about unity with our own broken lenses but truly grasp its meaning.
At its core, unity means:
Oneness with God and Others: Reflecting God’s unity in our relationships (John 17:21, Deuteronomy 6:4).
Harmony and Peace: Working together in peace and purpose (Ephesians 4:3, Psalm 133:1).
Collective Strength: Believers are stronger when united (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Spiritual Bond: Unity is created through the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:3, Philippians 2:2).
Reflecting God’s Nature: Our unity mirrors God's oneness (John 17:21, Genesis 2:24).
Mutual Love: Unity is rooted in love, as Christ commanded (John 13:34-35).
Purpose and Mission: Unity strengthens our mission and advances God’s kingdom (1 Corinthians 1:10).
Understanding unity biblically renews our minds, shaping how we live it out in every relationship. It’s not just about being in agreement, but about living in deep connection with one another, reflecting God’s love and purpose.
Even just a quick read through this, I'm sure we begin to understand the power that lies in unity, it's not just good to have and if not, well, too bad kind of thing, but we are called to make EVERY effort to keep unity through peace and where this is best expressed is in our marriage. We get the opportunity day after day after day to experience the unity with each other just as Jesus shares it with the father and the spirit.
You might be thinking, "That all sounds great, but you have no idea what it's like at home. It feels like a constant battle, and I’m exhausted. I know unity matters—I’ve tried over and over—but I just don’t know how to move forward."
Believe me, I get it. I grew up in a home where unity wasn’t present. As a child, I felt the weight of disunity—the quiet instability, the unspoken tension, the way fear and insecurity creep in when parents aren’t on the same page. Kids may not always have the words to explain it, but they absorb it. And when conflict arises around parenting, a child often assumes it’s their fault, carrying a responsibility that was never theirs to bear.
Disunity in the home creates an atmosphere of uncertainty. Some children act out, their stress showing up in defiance or behavior struggles. Others retreat inward, internalizing their pain in ways that can lead to anxiety or depression. Over time, the emotional strain can even take a physical toll—disrupting sleep, causing headaches, stomachaches, or other stress-related symptoms.
To cope, children develop survival strategies. Some take on the role of the peacemaker, believing it’s their job to hold things together. This was me. Others learn to shrink themselves, suppressing their emotions to avoid adding to the tension. But these patterns don’t just stay in childhood. The effects of disunity linger, shaping the way they navigate relationships in the future—what they expect from love, how they handle conflict, and the level of security they feel in their own families one day.
The way we pursue unity in our homes isn’t just about us—it’s about the legacy we leave. It’s about what our children will carry forward, long after they leave our care.
In the whirlwind of daily life, we rarely pause to consider the impact of our unity—or lack of it—not in a way that condemns, but in a way that calls us to be intentional. To make every effort. And if I’m honest, there have been plenty of times when I didn’t. I was exhausted, frustrated, and simply didn’t want to. Anyone else?
So how can we practice unity on our parenting journey, let’s look at a couple of ways:
Prioritize God: Make God the center of your marriage. Just as Christ and the Father are one, your marriage should reflect that oneness by seeking God’s will in everything. Spend time in prayer together and encourage each other in your individual walks with God.
Mutual Submission: Ephesians 5:21 encourages couples to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is not about dominance but about valuing each other’s needs, preferences, and perspectives. In unity, both partners listen, honor, and respect each other’s roles and strengths.
Unified Vision and Purpose: Know your shared goals as a couple, particularly in raising a family, managing finances, and serving God. Take time to talk about your vision for your marriage and family life, aligning your hearts with God’s purposes (Amos 3:3: “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?”). Don’t miss our Blogpost on Family Values here.
Support Each Other: Just like in marriage, supporting each other in parenting is essential. Whether it's handling a difficult child or balancing responsibilities, help one another out. Encouragement and sharing duties with respect show a strong partnership, which sets a powerful example for your children.
Pray Together for Your Children: Prayer is vital for unity in both marriage and parenting. Pray for wisdom in your parenting decisions, for guidance on how to raise your children in the Lord, and for unity in your approach to discipline and love. In John 17:21, Jesus prayed for His followers to be one—this applies to parents praying together for their children. Unity is spiritual warfare. The enemy wants to divide, but we fight back through prayer.
Embrace Your Role as a Team: Parenting is a shared responsibility, and working together as a team strengthens your family. In times of conflict or when one parent feels overwhelmed, the other should step in, ensuring that no parent feels unsupported or alone.
Be Willing to Learn Together: Parenting is a continuous journey of learning and growth. Embrace this process as a couple, seeking out resources, advice, and counsel together. Attend parenting classes, read books on child development, and learn from other parents. Growing together helps build unity in your parenting style.
Extend Grace: Just as we extend grace to one another in marriage, parenting also requires grace. Don’t expect perfection, but rather, embrace the process of learning and growing together as parents. Show your children what it means to forgive and extend grace, teaching them that unity comes through love, patience, and understanding.
I know this can quickly feel overwhelming, but there is hope. Unity isn’t something we have to manufacture on our own—it’s something God gives. In John 17:21, Jesus prays, "That all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you." Our unity isn’t just about getting along; it reflects the very nature of God—the deep, unshakable bond between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And when we draw near to Him, we can’t help but be drawn closer to each other.
I can almost hear the questions rising—What if I’m the only one trying? What if my spouse doesn’t see the need for unity? What if I’m a single parent—how does this apply to me? The "what ifs" can feel endless, and I get it. Unity isn’t always a two-way effort, and sometimes it feels like you’re standing alone in the fight for it. But here’s the thing—God meets us where we are. Unity starts in our own hearts, in our own posture before Him, no matter our circumstances.
I’ll be writing more on this very topic, but for now, I want to leave you with this—take a moment to sit with God. Bring Him your heart, your honest thoughts, your frustrations, and the places where you feel stuck. Ask Him to show you where your understanding of unity might be distorted and to replace it with His perspective. Invite Him to guide you, to show you the next step, no matter how small.
It’s a journeyAnd with Him by your side, nothing is impossible. He sees you, He knows what your family needs, and He has the absolute best support waiting for you. Trust Him.