Healthy Families

Healthy family relationships aren't something we're born with; they're something we actively create. I read that very interesting headline somewhere, and it intrigued me.

Unlike physical traits such as eye color or height, you can't inherit a harmonious family dynamic. Instead, it's a journey of purposeful effort.

While we can certainly adopt and continue family traditions from our roots, treating them as a legacy to pass down, building healthy family relationships is a distinct process. It calls for intention and commitment to nurturing the bonds that tie your family together.

I love the word "intentionality" because so much of what we do in our family needs to be intentional.

So let’s look at the word to better understand it:

Intentional: It refers to something that is done with a purpose or deliberation. Actions or decisions that are intentional are not accidental or random; they are performed with a specific goal, objective, or plan in mind. When someone is intentional, they act with awareness and make choices based on their intentions. It's often associated with being purposeful and mindful in one's actions.

Let’s be families who are purposeful and mindful of the gifts and blessings that have been placed into our care.

What are ways to cultivate a healthy family?

Family Goals

This topic has always been very important to me, and I look forward to discussing it in our parenting classes each time. Unfortunately, from my experience, parents initially respond with great enthusiasm to the idea, but when I follow up, only about 20% of the participants have actually put their family goals on paper! If you're one of these families, you'll now receive a reminder in the form of this post. For those who've never heard of family goals, enjoy exploring.

What are family goals?

What defines our family specifically?

Do we lean towards adventurous, calm, creative, athletic, or cultural?

What do we want to instill in our children for when they eventually leave home?

Every parent has expectations for how they'd like their children grow up. However, very few take the time to sit down with their spouse, let alone put their aspirations down on paper.

Why do we neglect this so often?

I understand how challenging and time-consuming parenting can be. We live in the here and now, grateful when the day goes by without any major issues, and we’ve survived another day.  We may have these idyllic visions of our family, but we don't invest the time to nurture or cultivate them. Later, we might be surprised at how our children, as they transition into young adults, have developed.

Our children love knowing that they are part of an amazing family. We are a unique family, proud of one another. This defines us, and the child feels like they belong!

Take a moment with your partner or, as a single parent, with a close friend, and consider these questions:

• What is important to us?

• What makes us unique as a family?

• What do we want to teach our children?

• How can we teach them?

I'm often asked about our family goals, so here's a little sneak peek into them:

• Prayer: We are a family that believes in the power of prayer

• HOW: We don't limit our prayers to meals but involve our children in praying for community needs and witnessing answers to those prayers.

• Cultures: We embrace diversity in our family.

• HOW: Given our mixed cultural background, we prioritize teaching our children about different countries' cultures and food habits. We do this weekly for a specific country for a few months, making it a creative and interactive learning experience.

• Positivity & encouragement: Our family is built on encouragement and positivity.

• HOW: We foster a culture of speaking positively about each other, not allowing negativity. If someone slips up, they must say five positive things about the other person. Encouraging others is a habit we instill, and we lead by example.

• Etiquette: Manners are essential in our family.

• HOW: My husband leads the "Gentleman's" course with our eldest, while I handle the "Ladies" course with our girls. We make moral values engaging through practical teaching.

• Generosity: We're a giving family.

• HOW: Our children actively participate in our efforts to help and support others, both materially and in non-material ways. We educate them about people less fortunate and aim to nurture empathy and compassion.

• Creativity: Our family thrives on creativity.

• HOW: We encourage creativity through activities like music and crafts.

• Strong family identity: Love binds our family together.

• HOW: We consistently express our pride in our family, highlighting the sibling bond and the importance of spending quality time together. We encourage open communication, prioritize family time, and strengthen our relationships. Our family is a top priority.

These are some of our 10 goals. Based on experience, 7 to 10 goals are sufficient to keep you engaged.

So, take your time and get started. Write them down!

Once you've set your goals and determined the HOW, sit down at regular intervals (we do this every six months to one year) to assess your progress, and adapt things as your children grow.

These become the guiding principles that shape your family's interactions and experiences.

Prioritizing Family Time

Intentionality (here the word is again) plays a significant role in cultivating healthy family relationships. It's crucial to understand that such relationships don't develop on their own. Sometimes, our busy lives and aspirations for more freedom can lead us to hope for better times when we can dedicate more quality time to our children.

We meticulously plan our careers, meetings, social events, and appointments, but family time often gets neglected.

Family time should be approached with the same level of intentionality as our other commitments. It should be scheduled, honored, and treated as an essential part of our lives. Regardless of your children's ages, these moments are not spontaneous. Let's be honest, if we do not plan them, they will not happen. Instead, they require energy and patience to create meaningful and lasting connections.

To cultivate a healthy family relationship, mark your calendar with regular family times and prioritize them as you would with other commitments. Only in exceptional circumstances should these appointments be rescheduled. This approach is key to fostering a strong family bond that will continue to flourish into the future.

Strong families regularly plan "Family Nights.”

When was your last family's get-together?

I understand that family gatherings, whether during the day or evening, can sometimes feel less than harmonious, especially with little ones. But don't be disheartened; consider the future rewards of a strong and beautiful bond.

Do you wish your teenager would willingly spend time with you on family nights? If you think it's not possible, let me tell you I know countless stories of other families where this is the case – both teenagers and parents cherishing their time together.

We have teenagers too, and we relish our time with them. Friday nights are our designated family time. We prepare a special, delicious meal (cooking is one of our family goals, I forgot to mention), then my husband leads a devotional session, we pray together, and cap it off with a movie.

The key is to make your time together enjoyable. I used to aim for it to be incredibly educational until my kids told me they wanted more fun.

What was it like in your household when you were growing up?

What aspects do you want to carry forward, and what would you rather avoid repeating?

What are your aspirations for your own family?

Remember, it's never too late to create lasting memories, but the best time to start is NOW.

Healthy families communicate effectively

We've all heard the saying that communication is the key to successful relationships, and the same applies to families. Here are some ways to promote healthy communication within your family:

• Listening:

  Encourage family members to actively listen to each other. This means giving your full attention to the speaker without interrupting. As the Bible teaches in James 1:19, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." A great place to practice active listening is around the dinner table.

• Open and Safe Environment:

  Create an environment where family members feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or criticism. Avoid laughing or name-calling, even if you think it's harmless.

• Set Aside Technology:

  Establish tech-free times or zones where family members put away their devices and engage in face-to-face conversations. In today's society, it's essential to limit screen time during family interactions.

• Quality Time:

  Spend quality time together by participating in activities that promote conversation, such as family dinners, game nights, or outdoor activities.

• Empathy:

  Teach family members to respond with empathy when someone shares their feelings. Empathy is crucial in understanding and supporting one another.

• Conflict Resolution:

  Teach conflict resolution skills, including forgiveness and restoration. Help family members learn how to address conflicts constructively.

• Communication Skills:

  Offer guidance and support in developing effective communication skills. Teach how to communicate feelings and thoughts clearly and respectfully.

• Role Modeling:

  Set a positive example by practicing good communication skills with your family members. Children often learn how to communicate by observing their parents.

• Check-In:

  Regularly check in with family members individually to understand how they are feeling and to address any concerns. This one-on-one time can foster open and honest communication.

• Family Nights:

  Engage in collaborative family nights that require planning, discussing, and working together. This strengthens bonds and encourages communication among family members.

Now, let's talk about meeting you where you are. I understand that reading about various ways to nurture healthy families might feel overwhelming. We're all at different stages on this journey, and feeling overwhelmed doesn't usually lead us ahead. Instead, change happens one step at a time.  What are your five loaves and two fishes?

So, pick one approach that resonates with you and intentionally incorporate it into your family life.

Which one will you choose?

Take a moment to sit down with Holy Spirit as you engage in this journaling process with Him, you'll uncover invaluable wisdom to guide you in your journey. It's important to remember that you don't have to navigate this path alone. While blogs, parenting classes, books, and mentors can provide valuable insights, there's nothing quite like the profound and direct revelations from Holy Spirit. Don't underestimate the significance of seeking His guidance in all matters, including the ones related to your family, and feel free to bring any questions you may have to Him. His wisdom is eternal, and His teachings truly transform your family life.