Navigating Childhood Anxiety

It all started with our eldest, when he was a toddler resisting the daycare, then came the playgroup, kindergarten, and birthday parties. He simply didn't want to go anywhere without us. At first, he clung tightly to me, then he protested loudly once he could speak or cried. Often, it began the night before, every Thursday evening, before he had to go to the forest playgroup.

On the said morning, he would stay in bed, eat his breakfast at a snail's pace, complain of headaches or stomachaches, and top it off by clinging tightly in the car. In front of everyone, I had to 'assist him,' not wanting to disturb the excited children eagerly anticipating the morning. As they set off, I often slumped into the car seat, utterly exhausted, and would have loved to fall asleep for a week or so, but that was never possible because his two younger sisters were waiting for me.

Early on, we realized that anxiety was something we needed to focus on to encourage and strengthen our son step by step. The small victories often seemed insignificant and invisible to others. Yet, my husband and I knew they were significant for us and our son.

Isn't it just easier to tell someone, "Don't worry" or "Don't be afraid"? But, let's be real, for those knee-deep in worry, those words don't magically fix things. Instead, they kind of make it worse, piling on guilt and shame. And retreating even more, this is especially true for our children.

It doesn't help our kids figure out what's going on in their heads or find a better way to deal with things. When we drop a casual "Don't worry," we miss the chance to understand what's going on behind those eyes.

Plus, it can make kids feel like their fears are being brushed off.

In the realm of parenting, honestly, we often find ourselves yearning for a quick fix—a magical phrase, a swift resolution, a way to make it all just disappear. It's that moment when the demands of life press in, and we wish for a shortcut, a speedy remedy, a pass to avoid dealing with it all at this very moment. The truth is, in the hustle of parenthood, the luxury of time often feels elusive, and the allure of an instant solution can be oh-so-tempting.

If you are in a situation just like this now, pause and reflect, why are you feeling anxious yourself, why, are you longing to get it over with and back to the more important things?

Journal with Holy Spirit.

In this pivotal moment—right in front of you—see it as an opportunity, not a hurdle. As a mom who's journeyed through various parenting phases, I've learned to embrace these times, not merely accepting the status quo but recognizing the chance to pour into my child. Yes, it takes extra time, so glance at your agenda and prioritize this, for it won't last forever. Don't be swayed by the lies bombarding you; seek heavenly advice, prepare, and invest in this training opportunity.

So, instead of going for the quick fix, Journal with Holy Spirit for Wisdom. Take a moment to understand your child, and connect in a way that feels like a conversation, not an interrogation. It's about tuning into their world, and getting where they're coming from. Because, honestly, that's where the connection happens.

Let’s show them we get it, that we know it's tough. Share about how you may have felt similar feelings growing up. When we say, "I see you're worried about this, and that's okay," it opens the door for them to share what's on their mind.

Be mindful not to throw Bible verses around. I have been there where my trust in the Lord became a quick fix for my kids. But I've learned, it's not about tossing Bible verses their way. It's more about letting them navigate their path of faith step by step, like we did. Our foundation may be solid, but they need to forge their connection. It's about understanding the season they're in and preparing the ground to plant those powerful words. Let's nurture their spiritual journey, respecting the timing and tending to the soil.

It's not about having all the answers; it's about being there to untangle—it takes time, a  lot of time patience. After all, understanding and managing fears is a journey, not a destination.

Our home is more than a space; it's a sanctuary where hearts can freely unfold. Every parent dreams of this, but it's not a one-time destination—it's a continuous journey. It's not about wishful thinking; it's about our responses. When your child opens up, what do you say? What are you teaching them in those vulnerable moments? Are you truly listening, seeking to understand, and staying connected? Or are you tempted to rearrange, slap on a Band-Aid, and dismiss it as a passing phase? Let's be present, for these moments are the threads weaving the fabric of trust and understanding in our homes.

In this context, however, I was often guilty of uttering exactly that sentence, sometimes out of helplessness, often out of frustration.

So, what can one do?

Acknowledge your child's feelings, even if they seem absurd to you. Taking the time to listen to his fears, even for the hundredth time, may seem easy for someone without a child struggling. Believe me, it's anything but easy! If you know you know.

More helpful advice:

Engage in Prayer with Your Child

I know I previously mentioned steering clear of imposing religious practices on your child, and I stand by that. However, there's a profound distinction when it comes to seeking peace during our moments of vulnerability, seeking wisdom, and direction.

Don't shy away from embracing the potent practice of prayer. Perhaps past experiences with your parents have left you wary of this, sparking fear of perpetuating a negative cycle. Unfortunately, these patterns are learned, and there's a risk of either succumbing to the same practices or avoiding them altogether—both unhealthy responses.

To break free from this cycle, seek healing from past wounds. Ask Holy Spirit to mend those areas and approach prayer in a renewed, healthy, and liberating manner.

Ask Holy Spirit for specific Bible verses and incorporate them into your prayers. Remember, Prayer is a beautiful and deep connection with Holy One. It's about recognizing the profound power within these words. Embrace the miracles that will arise, nurturing your child's heart with boundless love and unwavering faith. Let these words take root, fostering growth and resilience over time.

Guiding Your Child by Explaining What's to Come

For anxious children, it's incredibly important not to come unprepared into a situation. These children are often accompanied by countless fears. However, if we mentally take our children step by step, many fears can be alleviated. I deliberately say can because the worry often remains, but our explanation helps these kids and is almost more important for processing after the event.

Debriefing is just as important as the pre-discussion. Here, you can celebrate, encourage, and strengthen a lot. Bringing the child back to his initial feelings and then talking about how it was. We often use these times for future situations. "Do you remember how many worries you had there, and then it wasn't so bad?”

Encourage your child

Fostering encouragement becomes paramount, and it's a point easily overlooked in moments of frustration. Anxious children, with their vivid imaginations, don't limit their fears to a single aspect like a storm; they tend to permeate various areas of their lives. It's no wonder parents can find themselves feeling overwhelmed. Amid these challenging situations, my constant reminder is to persistently encourage my child. Even when comparison and doubt creep in, I make a deliberate effort to recall his unique qualities and strengths. After all, he's entrusted to our care not because we possess all the answers, but because we know the God who does.

In those challenging times, seeking heavenly encouragement takes precedence. We've often spoken words of courage over him, recognizing the importance of prophetic affirmations. It's crucial not to confine our children to a limited perspective; rather, we should raise them beyond predefined boundaries. Seeking a heavenly perspective prompts us to ponder: How has God uniquely crafted our child? It's about unlocking their full potential by understanding the divine purpose woven into their very being.

Encourage yourself

At the same time, as parents, we must not forget to encourage ourselves! An anxious child influences everyday life much more than parents without one can imagine. Encourage yourself, draw strength repeatedly from God, and work on your patience. The wonderful fruit will grow if you allow it to. You will see that this is not only about your child but has become a beautiful powerful and new intimate connection with God.

Resist shielding your child from everything

In the journey of parenting, exposing our children to challenging moments becomes a crucial aspect of fostering resilience.

While it may be instinctual to shield our children from difficulties, the reality is that avoiding challenges does them a disservice in the long run. Instead, the key lies in providing unwavering support and guidance as they confront obstacles, guiding them through the process of overcoming adversity.

Consider the analogy of a staircase – each step represents a small challenge, and the staircase as a whole embodies the journey toward a larger goal. Breaking down these challenges into smaller, manageable steps can make the ascent more attainable and less daunting for our young learners. This approach not only encourages a sense of accomplishment with each step taken but also instills the importance of perseverance.

Proactivity in parenting plays a pivotal role in shaping the mindset of our children. By anticipating potential challenges and addressing them head-on, we equip them with the tools needed to navigate changes and transitions better. This proactive approach empowers them to view challenges not as insurmountable obstacles but as opportunities for growth and learning.

In essence, the foundation of empowering our children lies in embracing challenges, offering unwavering support, and guiding them through the process. It's through these experiences that they develop the resilience needed to face the uncertainties of tomorrow with confidence and determination.

Know your child well—set steps carefully to avoid being overwhelmed. These steps might be smaller than expected; that's okay. Resist comparisons; your journey with your child is unique. Celebrate the small victories, and appreciate the beauty in their gradual progress. It's their distinct journey, and every step counts.

An Encouragement for Parents

I want to take a moment to offer you some encouragement. I understand how challenging it can be—I've been there. In today's world, the term 'anxiety' is often thrown around. Our child didn’t suffer from an anxiety disorder, sometimes, we may take it to an inappropriate level, labeling them too quickly. Experiencing occasional anxiety is a natural aspect of life. Yet, for individuals with anxiety disorders, this emotional state takes a more intense and persistent form, characterized by excessive worry and fear about everyday situations. Anxiety disorders often manifest through repeated episodes of sudden, intense anxiety—culminating in panic attacks that reach their peak within minutes.

Let's be mindful and discern if there's anything that requires a professional approach, or an opportunity to fortify their foundation in security and courage. Let's navigate with care and nurture their emotional well-being.

I assure you, you can do this. I won't sugarcoat the process; it often feels overwhelming, and there will be moments when you want to give up. Parenting is an intense journey. However, remember that you're not navigating this path alone. Allow Holy Spirit to guide, encourage, and empower you. Take it step by step, like stages in a marathon. Stay focused.

It is so worth it. Witnessing the growth of our eldest, we are proud of the man he has become. In my weakest moments, I could never have envisioned this outcome, but with a faith-filled mindset, and the continuous support of Holy Spirit it became a reality. There is hope, also for your child!