The Importance of Fathers

On this Father’s Day, we want to honor and celebrate our fathers, husbands, stepfathers, and foster fathers—not just today, but every day—by recognizing their unique roles in our lives and the lives of our children.

Mothers and fathers have been entrusted by our Creator with different and invaluable responsibilities.

They each fulfill roles that complement and support each other.

Today, we recognize and respect fathers for the important parts they play in providing security, identity, and nurture.

In the modern era, many of us have noticed a prevailing notion that fathers are reduced to a biological necessity, with some of us women choosing to raise children on our own. However, research consistently shows that fathers are not optional; they are essential.

Today, fatherhood is marked by two major trends: father absence and father involvement. An increasing number of children are growing up without the continuous presence of a father. Single parenthood is on the rise worldwide, and the sad number keeps increasing.

We have all read the statistics on the crisis of fatherless homes and their negative outcomes, such as:

• Greater risk of poverty

• More likely to have behavioral problems

• More likely to go to prison

• More likely to commit crimes

• More likely to become pregnant as a teen

• More likely to abuse drugs and alcohol

This is not about instilling fear, but rather recognizing that we may have swung the current too far toward the idea that men aren't vital and that women can do it all on their own. While this idea is common in our society, it often stems from broken trust and deep wounds that women have endured. But eliminating men from the equation isn't the answer.

It was never a good idea to make decisions out of brokenness, because there is hope for healing and restoration, how that looks in your own life, I don't know, but God does.

As we celebrate Father’s Day, let us acknowledge the indispensable role fathers play and the irreplaceable contributions they make to our families.

We want to highlight the importance and the role of fathers and want to honor them every step of the way. 

If you're a single mother, I invite you to stay with us. I intend to encourage you as well while remaining faithful to the way things were meant to be. However, I'm aware of the unique challenges and burdens you face, and I want to address them.

In the book "You Have What It Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know" by John Eldridge, he presents a compelling and convincing argument about fathers' profound influence on their children.

• Every boy who’s ever lived has been driven by one question: Do I have what it takes?

• To girls, he says you’ve been asking a different but equally powerful question your whole lives: Am I worth it?

But—here’s the catch—regardless of who’s asking the question, boys and girls alike are looking to Dad for the answer. 

Identity, as already mentioned can only be bestowed by the father.

Fathers, be actively involved in your children's lives. It's not enough to provide financially, although that's important. You must also provide a sense of identity and security, love unconditionally, and show compassion, and discipline when necessary.

Identity

"See what great love the Father has had for us, that we should be called children of God" (1 John 3:1).

The father's role in identity formation is crucial. Consciously or unconsciously, he shapes his child's sense of self and aspirations for the future. The child's identity is significantly influenced by his interactions with his father.

Fathers, how do you relate to your children?

Consider the words you use - are they uplifting or critical?

Your words, whether spoken or withheld, have a profound effect on their lives.

Whether you realize it or not, they are watching your every action. Do your words and deeds give them a sense of identity?

Because our well-intentioned plans often get swallowed up in the busyness of life, it is necessary to establish routines.

• Start writing daily notes: They don’t have to be long, a simple I love you, I am praying for you, I am proud of you etc. is profound.

• Schedule monthly dates and practice active listening

• Speak words of life over them. Ask God for a word for each child.

Compassion, Security, and Love

The Prodigal Son is a powerful portrayal of a loving father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

This shows us a love every dad should aspire to.

His son effectively said, “I wish you were dead so I could have my inheritance” (Luke 15:12) and then abandoned him. Despite the hurt he surely felt, the father not only welcomed his son with open arms, but he ran to greet him, hugging and kissing him.

Father, how do you react when your child pushes you away, speaks unkind words to you, or rejects you?

The instinctive response, especially when our child favors mom and rejects us, is often to withdraw. This can affect us more deeply than we care to admit.

Remember the father in the story of the prodigal son? Despite all the hurtful words and actions, he ran to his son, embraced him, and showered him with affection. Taking such a vulnerable step, especially after all his son had done, illustrates the importance of nurturing a relationship with your child. Regardless of their behavior, it is crucial to show unwavering love and compassion.

How can you do this?

Be aware of your tone and choice of words when your child approaches you after a failure or low grade. Children aren't necessarily afraid of failing themselves, but they are often more afraid of disappointing their father. How do you respond to their feelings?

To Discipline and not Provoke

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) 

It makes a significant difference when fathers train and discipline their children. However, an important aspect emphasized in the verse is to avoid provoking your child to anger.

As you think about how you teach your child, are you doing it with a balance of love and consistency, or are your methods unintentionally provoking him to anger?

I want to express my gratitude to every father who is actively involved in his role as a parent. It's not about achieving perfection, it's about staying engaged and nurturing the connection while consistently affirming the child's identity.

To any father who has made great mistakes, perhaps even to the point of no longer living with or being connected to his children, I want to offer a message of hope. It's never too late to make a change. Today, you can choose to re-enter your children's lives and embrace your responsibilities as a parent. Allow God, the ultimate Father, to guide and teach you how to be the father your children need. Take the courageous step of seeking forgiveness and actively working toward reconciliation and restoration in your relationships.

To all the single moms out there, I want to address the heavy burden that you may be carrying, a burden that God never intended for you to shoulder alone. There's a popular lie that says you have to be both a mom and a dad, but the truth is, you can't be both. Instead, trust God the Father to step in and care for your children's hearts as only He can. Make room in your life and step aside for Him to fill the empty role of fatherhood, for He is the perfect Father who promises to care for your children. Even amid challenges, there is always hope, and as your children witness your trust in a perfect Father, their faith will grow as well. You can’t fill this space, but He can!

I also want to address us mothers.

We play a critical part in giving our husbands space in their roles as fathers.

There are times when we may be tempted to step in too quickly. Perhaps our child is crying and we know exactly what to do, or our husbands ask us for help or to take over. In those moments, it's important to encourage them that they can do it on their own. They need to find their way and gain confidence in caring for their children without our interference. Sometimes we need to take a significant step back and shower our husbands with words of love and empowerment. We must express our full confidence in them and our support for their leadership.

I understand that this topic can evoke a range of emotions, and I can almost hear the interjections. I apologize if I cannot address every perspective in this post or make you feel fully understood in your unique situation. It deeply hurts me that I am not able to reach your specific heart. You may have experienced rejection from your father, growing up without a father figure, or experienced trauma and abuse. I am so sorry! Let me say this:

There is someone who fully understands, knows, and wants to restore and heal you. Bring your questions to God; He waits for you with open arms.

As a father or mother, let's focus on letting Him heal us. This will allow us to raise our children and the next generation well, without inheriting the brokenness of our past.

There is hope for you and your family!

Happy Father's Day.