School doesn’t define your children
We all know that feeling, right? Parent–teacher talk is coming up, you brace yourself, you rehearse what you’re going to say… and then you walk out somehow feeling worse than before. Like your stomach just drops and you start questioning everything. Ever been there?
I still remember my mom telling me— and I don’t know how it is in your country — but in Switzerland, parent–teacher meetings often focused mainly on where the child was struggling. And so my mom would walk out of those meetings feeling like we were doing a really bad job at school… when that wasn’t true at all. We weren’t failing—we just weren’t very strong in one particular subject. But that one weakness got elevated, and it started to feel like it was the whole story. She used to tell us she had to pray a lot after those meetings—because if she didn’t, that one negative comment would get elevated in her mind and start to feel bigger than it really was. She needed the Lord to help her zoom out, calm her heart, and remember the truth: we weren’t failing, we were learning. We had strengths, we were making progress, and yes—there was one area that needed support. But it wasn’t the whole picture, and it wasn’t our identity.
Parent–teacher talks came around, and honestly—yes, I could sympathize.
As a recovering perfectionist, it wasn’t easy for me to gain distance from what was said. Even when the teacher meant well and the feedback was fair, I could feel my heart taking it as a definitive judgement — as if one struggle meant the whole story. As if one area of weakness meant that I had missed something essential as a parent.
But here’s what I had to learn: feedback is information, not identity. A meeting is a snapshot, not the full picture. And one subject, one behavior, one season does not define my child—or me. I had to intentionally step back, breathe, and ask myself: What is actually true here? What is helpful? What is just fear talking?
Because if we’re not careful, we leave those meetings carrying shame instead of clarity. And God doesn’t lead us with shame—He leads us with truth, wisdom, and peace.
So, School doesnt’ define your children! God does!
We know that instinctively. We would even say it out loud. But it hits differently when you’re sitting face to face with someone else’s assessment of your child—someone with authority, a degree, a checklist, a file. And suddenly, even as a believer, you can feel your heart tighten. Because now it’s not just a “comment”… it feels like a verdict.
And let me add this: it’s not only teachers. It can be doctors too. Professionals who mean well, but who can still label your child: this or that… ADHD… anxious… behind… difficult… gifted… challenging… delayed… And in one sentence, it can feel like your child gets reduced to a category.
What do we do with that?
Because labels are powerful. If we let them walk straight into our homes, they don’t stay “information”… they can quietly become identity—something our child starts wearing like a name tag: “This is who I am.”
And here’s another layer that’s very real: as parents, we can grab onto a label like it’s the long-awaited explanation. Almost a relief. “Ah… so that’s why.” And without even noticing, we start clinging to it—because it makes us feel a little safer. It tells us, “Okay, we didn’t mess everything up. It’s not our fault. This is just who our child is.” And then the sentence gets finished with whatever the label is.
Now, I’m not saying diagnoses don’t exist. Some are real, helpful, and can open doors to the right support. But I want to encourage you: don’t get stuck there. Don’t camp in the label like it’s the final word.
A diagnosis can describe a struggle, but it should never become your child’s destiny. It can guide a plan, but it must not replace identity. Your child is still more than that word.
A Mother’s Faith Over a Label
Let me tell you a story.
There was a little boy named Thomas Edison. Bright around 1854, curious, full of questions. But school didn’t know what to do with him. He didn’t fit the mold, he didn’t learn the way the system expected, and pretty quickly the message became: your child is the problem. In today’s words, it would sound like a label—slow, difficult, learning issues…
And his mother said, “No. That’s not the final word.”
She didn’t pretend he had no struggles. But she refused to let a school verdict become his identity. She brought him home, taught him, nurtured his curiosity, and created a space where his questions weren’t punished—they were guided.
And do you know what that little boy became?
He grew up to become one of the most impactful inventors in history. Not a “label.” Not a limitation. An inventor.
He went on to develop the phonograph (recorded sound), helped pioneer early motion picture technology, and—this one still blows my mind—he played a major role in making electric light practical and accessible, helping build the systems that brought electricity into everyday life. He also built what became a model for modern research labs, and he held over a thousand U.S. patents.
So when people try to reduce a child to one word… remember this: a label can describe a struggle, but it cannot define a destiny. God does.
Wow—this story really does show the potential, doesn’t it? It’s a reminder of what can happen when one mom, with the help of God, refuses to let a label have the final word over her child. That’s incredible.
When I was feeling down, it lifts my eyes back to the bigger picture: my child is more than a report, more than one subject, more than one season. God is still at work, and He’s faithful!
He is looking for a mother, a father who refuses labels to define their children. Let’s be those parents!
How to Separate Feedback from Identity
But if we’re led by the Holy Spirit, we can do something different.
We can listen with maturity, take what’s useful, and leave what’s not. We can separate information from identity. We can say: “Okay—this may describe a struggle, a need, or a season… but it does not define the person God created.”
Because your child is not a test score.
Not a diagnosis.
Not a teacher’s comment.
Not a folder.
Not a label.
Your child is a gift—made in the image of God, entrusted to you, with a calling and a future. And yes, maybe there are areas that need support. That’s real. But support is not shame. And a weakness is not a prophecy.
What We Do With Those Words Matters
We can either let those words shape the atmosphere in our home—fear, pressure, striving, panic…
or we can bring them under the authority of Jesus and ask:
“God, what is Your truth about my child?
What do You say?
What do You want me to do—practically, calmly, wisely—from here?”
That’s where everything shifts.
That’s where we stop reacting and start discerning. That’s where we receive a different perspective—what I’d call a prophetic identity for our child. Not hype. Not denial. A glimpse of God’s vision. A heaven-view that reminds us: this child has more in them than what a report can measure.
And this is partnership with heaven: we refuse to let labels name our child. We refuse to parent from fear. We parent from truth.
Because here’s the deal—your child needs you to step up. If we don’t believe in our children, who will? God placed us strategically: to raise, to teach, to shepherd hearts, to call out what He put inside them—until it comes to light.
And sometimes that takes faith before we see anything change. Scripture is clear:
“We walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7)
“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)
So yes—listen to the feedback. Get support. Make a plan.
But don’t hand over identity. That belongs to God.
I really want to take a moment to honor teachers here. I’m genuinely grateful for the ones who show up day after day and pour themselves out for our kids—not just doing a job, but serving with patience, wisdom, and heart. It’s a lot. It’s emotional. It’s constant. And honestly? I couldn’t do it. I don’t have the grace to lead a classroom full of children every single day.
So truly—thank you, teachers. We see you. We appreciate you. And we’re praying strength, joy, and fresh grace over you for the days ahead.
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