Parent from Your Identity in Christ
There are countless posts about what it means to be a good parent, filled with tips and advice. We all long to understand how to parent well and create a positive, nurturing environment for our children. At the core of this longing is the desire to nurture, guide, and love our children in the best way possible. But healthy parenting is about more than following a set of rules or ticking off a list of do's and don'ts. It's about embracing our identity in Christ. Understanding who we are in Him transforms how we respond to our children, how we love them and how we guide them. Parenting isn't about perfection; it's about showing grace, patience, and unconditional love - just as Christ loves us. That's why we offer resources that go deeper than superficial advice. Healthy parenting flows from our identity in Christ, and with His guidance, we can raise children who are grounded in love, truth, and faith.
We know that we should teach our children about God, read the Bible, be in a community of believers. These practices are deeply important because we see faith as more than just a religion; it's a relationship we cherish and want to pass on to them. We see it as our responsibility at home to nurture this spiritual foundation, not just to rely on children's church. We believe that in this way we are truly equipping them with the faith and values that will shape their lives. We often know this in theory, but how it plays out in practice is another story. You may start out with big ideas - a small children's church at home, teaching them about the Bible - only to find that nobody stays quiet or sits still. It all looked so different in your head, but frustration sets in quickly when reality doesn't match the perfect plan. Anyone?
I can relate. When you have younger children, there's very little time. Instead, we need to weave Bible teaching into everyday tasks - while changing diapers, cooking with them, at the dinner table, in the car, and all the moments in between. Keep your dedicated devotional time, but be careful not to make it rigid or boring. Instead, aim to keep it lively, flexible, and fun, something your children look forward to and cherish in their hearts.
It's absolutely OK if things don't work perfectly every time. But if you find that these moments are consistently filled with frustration, take a step back and ask the Holy Spirit for fresh ideas and new approaches. The key is not to give up - keep going, knowing that even imperfect efforts can bear fruit in your family's faith journey. Your heart is set on being the best parent you can be. You long to love your children deeply, to lead them to Jesus, and to instil God's wisdom and truth into their hearts. You dream of doing all this with unfailing patience and kindness. Alone, this may seem overwhelming - even impossible. But the beauty is that you're not doing it alone. Your strength as a parent comes from the Holy Spirit, who empowers you every step of the way.
How do we parent from our identity in Christ?
To start, we need to address some of the lies we've unknowingly accepted.
Deep within, we all hold core beliefs that can shape our actions in harmful ways. The enemy is quick to plant whispers of doubt, and before we realize it, we’ve accepted them as truth. These lies often sound like this:
You’re not enough.
You’ll never be good enough.
You don’t have what it takes.
You’re unworthy of love or friendship.
You’ll never succeed.
You’re worthless.
You’re all alone in this.
Your mistakes are beyond forgiveness.
You’re not smart enough, not funny enough, not attractive enough, not good enough….
And sadly, the list doesn’t stop there.
These lies, along with many others you might uncover, compete against the truth of who we are in Christ. They challenge the identity He’s given us, pulling us away from His freedom and into doubt. Far too often, we carry these falsehoods longer than we should—pushing them down, only to see them rise time and time again.
Take a moment to sit with the Holy Spirit and ask: Are there any lies I’ve been believing about myself that contradict who Christ says I am? Be honest and still. Listen carefully, and if you feel prompted, write down the lies that have taken root. Then, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth that counters each one. Write those truths down too, and start your day by declaring them over your life.
Proverbs 18:21 reminds us: “Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life.” It’s a verse we’ve heard countless times, so much so that it may have lost its weight in our hearts. We hear it and zone out as if its power has been sanitized by repetition.
But let this truth breathe fresh life into you today. Ask the Holy Spirit to awaken these words powerfully, so they’re not just familiar but transformative. Become a messenger of life—not only for others but also over your own heart and identity. Speak words of life and truth that align with who God says you are.
Because these lies don’t just impact our walk with God; they can also build walls in our parenting and our connection with our children. We’ll explore that more in-depth later.
For now, don’t just skim past this step—pause for a moment. These lies have a way of lingering, even if we think we’ve moved past them. If now isn’t the right time, set aside a quiet moment later to sit with God. You won’t regret it.
In our fast-paced world, pausing and reflecting can feel like an unnecessary luxury—a waste of time, even. But I encourage you to try it. Cultivating the habit of slowing down, not just to push through but to pause with the Holy Spirit, uncover root issues that need healing. This practice won’t just bless you; it will ripple through your entire family and echo into future generations. If you don’t address the lies you believe, they will affect your parenting. Let’s look at a couple of examples:
Lie: "I'm not enough." If you believe this lie, you might overcompensate by being too controlling or trying to do everything perfectly, which can lead to burnout and frustration. Your children may sense your anxiety and feel that nothing they do is ever enough either.
Lie: "I’m not a good parent." If you carry this belief, you may struggle to set healthy boundaries or discipline effectively, often questioning yourself when you need to make tough decisions. This can lead to inconsistency in your parenting, leaving your child feeling confused or insecure.
Lie: "I’m alone in this." If you believe this, you may avoid asking for help when you need it, feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Your children may pick up on your stress and feel like they are a burden, which can create distance in your relationship.
Lie: "I need to be perfect." If you strive for perfection, you might project unrealistic expectations onto your children, creating pressure for them to meet your standards. This can cause both of you to feel constant stress and disappointment, hindering the natural process of growth.
Lie: "I’m a failure if things go wrong." If you believe this, you may have difficulty handling setbacks or mistakes. Instead of teaching your children how to learn from failure, you might become reactive or overly critical, missing the opportunity to model resilience and grace. For example, if your child screams at you, hits you, or says they hate you, and you carry the lie that you are unworthy, their words will hurt you far more than they should.
Lie: "I’m unworthy of love." If you believe this when your child reacts with anger or says hurtful things, their words will wound you deeply. You might take their behavior personally, feeling like you’re not good enough as a parent, when in reality, their outbursts are part of their emotional growth.
You might be beginning to realize how deeply these lies affect our parenting. We've seen it repeatedly in our classes—moms and dads who struggle to set boundaries, say no, stick to a schedule, or be consistent. These lies are more powerful than you might think, influencing how we approach our roles as parents and, ultimately, the way we shape our children's lives. But His truth is far more powerful.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23
When we hold fast to this truth and to our identity in Christ, it transforms us and empowers us to parent with patience, grace, and strength. It is through the Holy Spirit that we gain the power to break free from the lies that hold us back and step into the freedom and authority He has given us.
When the Holy Spirit is at work within you, it will inevitably overflow into how you parent. This doesn’t mean you’re failing if you occasionally lose your patience with your children—everyone has their moments, and that’s perfectly human. However, it’s crucial to recognize that your spiritual journey deeply influences the way you raise your children. By inviting Jesus into your parenting, His presence will guide you, and through Him, you will begin to see the beautiful fruit of love, patience, and grace in your family.